Try to Love Again
by Kadi219
Summary: Raydor/Flynn - This began as an episode addition to 3x09 "Sweet Revenge" and grew beyond that. I've also included mention of 3x10 "Zoo Story", so there are possible spoilers within. Relationships don't happen in vacuum, and sometimes all you need a chance to get it right, even if it's the second chance.
1. Chapter 1

Try to Love Again

by Kadi

Rated T

Disclaimer: It isn't my sandbox. I simply visit it from time to time.

**A/N:** Happy Birthday (belated) **Sweetbutterfly11** this one is for you!

As always special thanks to **deenikn8** for the beta! Any mistakes found are all mine, and not hers!

Also, for **lontanissima** & **kate04us** who keep me inspired! Lastly, but never least, to all the **Flynngirls**, you know who you are. You ROCK!

* * *

Sharon strode toward her front door, while in the background, she could still hear the boys laughing. The subject of Ricky's hair was still on the table. Rusty was trying to convince him to go see Sylvia, her hairdresser, while he was in town, albeit a bit bashfully. Rusty was still unsure of himself within this family equation, but he was trying very hard to find his footing. She was so very proud of him for that, and how far that he had come. Even six months ago he would have runaway at the first sign of trouble from Ricky. That he came to her instead, Sharon had no words to describe the abject warmth that filled her at that knowledge.

Now, Sharon laughed as Ricky slanted a look at her and groaned. "Mom, tell me that you did not take this poor kid to see Sylvia?" He shook his head. "I take back everything I was thinking, no, really. You're not the problem," he told Rusty. "She is. Run, now, while you still can... First Sylvia, then shopping with Gavin..."

"That was actually kind of fun." Rusty stared at Ricky for several long moments before snorting a laugh. "The look on your face!"

"I don't understand what the problem is!" Sharon paused in front of the door, the knock had been a surprise and pulled her away from the boys momentarily. "That was a fun afternoon!"

Rusty rolled his eyes and slanted a look at Ricky. "For her maybe."

"Yep." He agreed with that one. "And then they forget that you're even there and the conversation digresses into topics you should never have to hear."

"Hm." Rusty put is chin in his hand and nodded. "Exactly."

"Okay, for the record," Sharon pointed at them as she reached for the door. "Teaming up against me is not allowed."

"Too late," they both decided.

Rusty looked down, quickly ducking his face, and glanced at Sharon through his lashes. Teasing Sharon, when it was just the two of them, or the entire team was around and engaged in it, was okay. That was one thing, and something that he was becoming more accustomed to. Doing it with Ricky, that felt awkward. Especially given the place they had been in just earlier that day. He took a moment to gauge both of their reactions before being drawn too far into things. Sharon seemed to be okay with it, and the better they appeared to get along, the happier she was. So maybe it wasn't such a bad thing? He risked a glance at Ricky, who was smirking at his mother's back. He didn't want to set him off again. Not while Sharon was so happy with how things were currently going. Rusty made a mental note to tread carefully.

Sharon groaned, quietly, but was more than pleased as she pulled the door open. She could not be more delighted that Ricky had pulled his head out of whatever idiotic cloud it had been in. It wouldn't be completely smooth sailing from here on, but he was trying, and he was being honest. This was the boy she had raised, and the young man that she adored. Even Rusty appeared to be relaxing, even if it was a slow process. He was still unsure, but she could work with that. She would take it. Her smile only brightened upon seeing her visitor. "Hi..."

He was leaning against the door frame, a hand in his pocket. The other, when he lifted it, had a bag dangling from two fingers. "Chocolate covered espresso beans, as promised, in case they are needed." There was a sparkle in his dark eyes, and on seeing her smile, a grin curved his face. That smile was enough to tell him that everything had worked out. "Doesn't seem to be the case."

"No." Her smile warmed, while her eyes softened. "No, it isn't, and I told you not to worry about me." Sharon leaned against the open door and gazed back. How was it that he seemed to always _know_. "I can handle my boys." Her eyes glittered with sudden humor. "All of them."

It sparked a quiet, rumbling chuckle. Andy pushed away from the door frame. "That's never been in doubt."

At the table, the conversation had grown suddenly quiet. Both Ricky and Rusty were leaning to one side to get a look at what was going on at the door. They couldn't quite hear the low tones of the conversation. "You know," Ricky whispered. "My dad might have wanted to chat about something _else_ recently."

"No kidding," Rusty muttered, recalling the comments Jack made to him on the matter of Sharon dating. "She says no. He says no. Jack says yes." He shrugged, but rolled his eyes. "They're just _friends_." The dynamics of the team was something that he was familiar with. He spent the last few years practically living with it. He glanced at Ricky again, and wondered if this was someone with whom he could actually discuss it without overstepping. Who else was he going to ask? Provenza? _God no_.

Ricky snorted quietly. He might be a little clueless about some things, but the one thing that he _did_ know was that you did not tell someone that you were just _friends_ with someone you were flirting with, the way his mother and Andy were currently flirting with each other. Not unless you were in denial, completely clueless yourself, or really bad at trying to keep a secret. He decided to go with option number three. "Yeah right. Might be time Mom made some _friends_ like that."

"Dude." Rusty shook his head. "Ew."

He glanced over at him and chuckled quietly. Maybe he was expecting Rusty to seem older, Ricky decided. He was reminded again just how young the other boy was. There were times when he seemed way too mature for his age, and maybe that had set him on edge at first. Now, he seemed incredibly young, and incredibly normal. Just another guy freaked out about the idea of his mom dating. Okay, Ricky decided. He could deal with that. He was beginning to see more and more that his mother was right, he was just a boy needing a family... and was maybe already fitting in just fine. Ricky decided to forget everything his dad told him about the situation. It was always best to take all of that with a grain of salt anyway. Still, he did worry about her. His mother loved fully and completely, and once her heart was engaged, that was it. He didn't want to see her get hurt... again.

Ricky's lips pursed and he tilted his head. "You know what I'm thinking," he said. "I think they protest too much. The stories I could tell you..."

At the door, Sharon closed her eyes and sighed. She turned and cast a look at both boys. Her cheeks were flushing a light shade of pink that she was attempting to ignore. "I can hear you"

Ricky pointed at Rusty, the gesture entirely instinctual. "He did it."

"What?" Rusty stared at him, eyes wide. He sat up, suddenly pale. His hand moved in front of him in a gesture of defense. Was Ricky trying to get him grounded? Didn't he know that this was _Sharon_? "I did not, you-"

"Oh man." Ricky looked heavenward, he felt kind of bad for him then. "Emily and I have so much to teach you." He leaned forward against the table. "Okay, lesson number one, it is always the other siblings fault. Especially the younger one." Ricky straightened and grinned. He suddenly realized that not being the youngest anymore could have its advantages. How much tormenting had he lived with at the hands of his sister? Not, of course, that he hadn't given it back in spades, but it wasn't quite the same thing, was it? "Oh, you know, I could really start to get behind this."

Rusty slumped in his seat while a hand smacked against his forehead. The look on Ricky's face was entirely too gleeful. He had seen it before. It was fear inducing. It was the look that Lieutenant Provenza called the _Darth Raydor_ grin. He had instructed Rusty to run whenever it was present. Who knew it could be genetic? Just wait until the Lieutenant heard about this! "Somehow," Rusty said instead, "I knew this was going to happen. _Sharon_."

Behind her, Andy was trying to suppress the urge to laugh. "I'm going to assume then that you can't come out and play tonight."

Ricky laughed. "You know, mom, if you had a date tonight... you could have said something. We'd have understood."

"Okay, you know what." Sharon glared at all of them. "In no way do the three of you get to out number me." She pointed at Ricky, "Stop picking on Rusty, you," she pointed at Rusty. "Just ignore him, honey. And _you_," she turned to narrow her eyes at Andy, "should not encourage them."

Andy arched a brow at her. "It's Ricky, I don't have to encourage him to do anything, Sharon. The kid, well, he's happy in his state of denial."

She grabbed his arm and pulled him into the apartment. "Oh hush."

He did laugh at her then. "You act like it's not the absolute truth, and then I get manhandled. To think, I drove all the way out to Santa Monica to get your favorite beans." Andy dangled the bag in front of her again.

Sharon rolled her eyes at him, but accepted the gift. "Yes, thank you. That was very thoughtful, but don't for a second think that I believe you went to Santa Monica. Not when I know for a fact that the shop two blocks from the station has these." Her lips pursed and she smirked as she turned away to carry the parcel into the kitchen. He had come to play buffer. Looked like it was turning into a _thing_ for them, and now it was his turn. For that, she might just let him off the hook.

"Ha!" Ricky pointed at him. "I told you she wasn't going to buy that! How could you possibly forget that the woman has _crapdar_. You didn't even make it beyond the first pass, nailed right out of the chute!"

"Yeah, whatever," Andy shook his head. "It was worth a shot, and no, I haven't forgotten that the lady has _crapdar_. I've been dealing with it a lot longer than you have."

"Odd," Sharon's head tilted. "One would think you'd have discovered a better way of getting around it, and yet..." When his eyes narrowed at her, she fluttered her own and smiled. "When you open the door, Lieutenant, I walk through it. Just remember that."

"Okay, wait a minute." Rusty was sitting up in his seat again. "So, are you dating or not?" When Andy and Sharon just stared back at him, neither of their faces giving anything away, he sighed. "Why is that a hard question. It's a yes or a no."

"No," they both said, and continued to gaze calmly at him.

"Somehow, I don't believe you," Rusty decided. His eyes narrowed while he studied them closely, as though trying to see beyond the surface of what he was so accustomed to seeing.

"That's because we're not three and we can see the writing on the wall," Ricky pointed out. "Besides, they go way back." When Rusty looked at him, he nodded. "_Way_."

"You've got to be kidding me?" The boy looked between the two adults before turning his attention back to his future sibling. "How long has this been going on?" He gestured at them.

"Which part?" Ricky smirked. "The sniping, snarking, or flirting? Years. She's never been so open about it before," He put his chin in his hand, as if his mother wasn't glaring at the back of his head and shrugged. "I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that the actual _change_ is a recent thing. You're asking the wrong question. The question you should be asking is what would be happening if Mom was_ not_ still married."

Andy shifted, just a step, farther from Sharon. First he made sure that he was well out of her reach. Then he winked at the two boys, who were now looking at _him_. "Game on."

With a groan, and her face heating up, Sharon walked into the kitchen to get away from them, especially now that Ricky was laughing and Rusty had a dumbfounded expression on his face. "You are a bad influence, Andy Flynn," she said.

"She acts like this is news," he directed at the eldest son.

"I know," Ricky shook his head slowly and grinned crookedly. "Isn't she cute?"

Sharon dropped the bag containing the espresso beans on the counter and covered her face with a hand. "I am out numbered in my own home." After a moment, she sighed. "This is not a subject that we are going to discuss boys, mainly, because there is nothing for us to discuss."

"In other words," Ricky slanted a look at Rusty.

"It's none of our business," Rusty finished for him. That was an answer that he was very familiar with.

"Which, isn't entirely true," Ricky continued. He leaned back in his seat and stretched his long legs out beneath the table. "You would think," he said, gesturing at Rusty, "that we should have some say in whether or not she's going to be bringing home strange men."

The gleam in his eyes was entirely too playful, filled with mischief. Rusty hastened a quick look at Sharon, and then at Flynn. The latter had bowed his head and was rubbing a finger over his top lip. From the way the muscles in his jaw were twitching, Rusty could see that he was attempting not to laugh, or at least grin. When he cleared his throat, Rusty watched Sharon's glare shift from Ricky to the Lieutenant, and he almost felt bad for him. _Almost_. At the moment, he was a little too busy trying to decide if he should respond or not. Ricky was staring at him, and Rusty knew which response he was supposed to make, he was just still not sure that he should. He gazed back at Ricky and watched the older boy's brows lift. Rusty felt a grin forming. He looked heavenward for a moment and hoped he wouldn't be the one that ended up with the wrath of Sharon. Or at least, not alone. Although, now that he reflected on it, this whole family thing did insinuate a sense of solidarity.

Rusty pressed his lips together for a moment, then he tilted his head. His own eyes sparkled when his gaze shifted back to Sharon and her _friend_. "Emphasis on the strange," he added. If nothing else, he knew that Lieutenant Provenza would be proud of him if he ever found out. He just figured this fell into the category of things he was _not_ supposed to tell the Lieutenant, like, _ever_.

If ever there was an opportunity for a grown man to wriggle happily in his seat, this was it. Ricky managed to refrain. Instead, he grinned widely at the way his mother's eyes widened, just before they narrowed. Andy had given up the fight and was laughing. Her cheeks were flushing. "So, mom. I've been thinking. Can we keep him?"

Sharon huffed at them. "Richard, Russell, I'll deal with both of you later." She grabbed Andy's arm and turned him toward the door. "_You_, I'm going to deal with right now." Sharon prodded him toward the door and through it.

They watched the door close. Ricky smirked. When he saw the wide-eyed look on Rusty's face, he chuckled quietly. "What's wrong?"

"She's never called me that before." Rusty gulped. "That's... that's not _good _is it? The whole, full name, thing? I mean, I've heard it happen to other kids, and usually it's bad."

The kid was gripping the edge of the table and looking seriously worried about it. Ricky stopped laughing and sobered. "You know, usually, I'd say it's pretty bad. Trust me." He winced, remembering his most recent encounter with it. "That, that was nothing. That was mom poking back at us in her own way. Bad is first, middle, _and_ last name. Believe me when I tell you _that_ is definitely a bad thing. You don't want to hear that. I think we're fine. Andy, on the other hand. He could be in trouble." If it were possible to feel even worse, or more guilty for how he acted before, Ricky felt it now seeing the kid's reaction to being _Mom__'__d_. It was such a normal thing, but to have that reaction to it, kind of drove home for him, more than anything else, that this kid's life was never normal, at least not before now. "The only thing you really have to worry about is mom getting even." Ricky paused, and then he grinned. "She _will_ get even." That thought gave him pause. Ricky got up and walked over to the desk to retrieve the iPad. When he returned, he set it up on the table between them and began dialing a familiar number. "Reinforcements. It's always better in numbers."

Rusty rubbed his hands against his jeans and slowly settled down. "Right." When he thought about it, he figured Ricky was probably right. Sharon hadn't actually looked _mad_, and if she was actually upset, he figured that Lieutenant Flynn wouldn't still be laughing. They all, the team that was, pretty much knew when to run for cover. Even Flynn. Especially Flynn. "Okay." He exhaled slowly and felt the muscles in his stomach loosen. "This isn't going to dig our hole deeper is it?"

"Probably." Ricky grinned crookedly at him. "But it's so much harder for her to take on more than one of us at one time. I figure, three against one, that ought to more than even the odds."

His sister answered on the fourth ring. Emily Raydor glared at the screen. Her hazel eyes flashed with annoyance. "Ricky, I'm not talking to you if your head is still shoved up your ass! I told you not to bother going if you were just going to be a complete and total asshole about it all. Do you know that mom called me after she spoke to you this morning? Do you have _any_ idea what you-"

"Hey now!" Ricky interrupted her before she could really get on a tear. He turned the tablet so that she could see Rusty too. "It's fine. Stop yelling. Geez. You don't have to be such a girl about it. Anyway, listen, so... Rusty and I were talking, and there's this situation with mom."

It took only two seconds for her to read the way Rusty was looking at Ricky and put that together with the mischief in his gaze. Emily groaned. "_Ricky_! That's not fair! You can't go after mom when I'm _not_ there!" She pouted at them, and despite the fact that she was getting closer to thirty than she might like to think about, when faced with her sibling... or, she supposed it was _siblings_ now, it was easy to revert to a much younger mental state. "You pulled Rusty into it too? It's his first time. Ricky, I cannot believe you. This is really something that you should have waited for me on. I've known mom the longest, you know."

"Oh honey," Ricky smiled, a bit too sweetly at her. "That just makes you old, not special. Anyway, listen, we don't have time to debate whether or not I should have waited. These things are rather spontaneous, you know. So, mom is dating..."

This time, Emily sighed and rolled her eyes. "No, she isn't. I think I would know if my mother is dating. That's not the sort of thing that she would keep from me."

Rusty blinked at the screen. "Have you met her?" With Emily he was only vaguely more familiar. He still hadn't spoken to either of Sharon's children much prior to this, but the daughter called more often on the weekends, when they were both home.

Emily laughed. "Okay, what makes you think she's dating?" She tilted her head at them and let her dark hair fall over one shoulder. She smiled indulgently at them. "I want facts, not suppositions."

"I thought she was a dancer," Rusty slanted a look at Ricky.

"Something like that," Ricky grinned. "It's like this, Em, I think mom's gone down the rabbit hole, again. Only this time, without a parachute or an escape plan."

"Wait." Rusty sat up. "What do you mean _again_?" He stared, wide-eyed at Ricky. How could he not know this?

"I told you, they go _way_ back," Ricky pointed out.

"No!" Emily leaned closer to the screen. "I mean, I knew they were spending a lot of time together again. But I thought they were just friends. You know, Ricky, people change. Feelings change. You reach a certain age and some things are a little more important than just-"

"Yes, she's very old," Ricky rolled his eyes at her. "Don't get me started on how bad it is to talk about _that_ subject, especially with mom."

"_Ricky_!" Emily groaned again. "You really have a lot to learn about women, little brother."

"You know, this call is not about me," He pointed out, and huffed when Rusty snickered. "This is about the _boyfriend_."

"You lost me at the _again_ part," Rusty pointed out. "He has a point about the _dating_ thing," He told Emily. "I'm not buying the friends thing anymore. There's something going on there."

"Okay." Emily shrugged. "So what? They're consenting adults. She's almost divorced, what's the big deal? Rick," she sighed, used the more adult version of his name. "Dad's been gone a long time, you know?" There was a sadness in her gaze that even her smile couldn't completely wipe away.

"I'm not arguing that fact," Ricky pointed out. "I'm just saying, we all know what's going on. Why won't she admit it?"

"It's none of our business," Emily said with a grin. She shot a look in Rusty's direction when he laughed. "See, even the new one gets it. If mom is actually going down that particular road this time, more power to her. Andy has always been a hunk."

"Oh. Ew." Rusty shuddered. "Can you _never_ say those words again? At least where I can hear them, please?" He shuddered again for good measure.

"Seconded." Ricky looked mildly disturbed. "You're an odd duck, Emily Raydor." He shook his head. "Look, I don't care if mom goes down that road. I'd say it's probably about time. Dad's never going to change, and they are definitely better apart, but that does not mean that _we_," he gestured at all of them, "don't get to have a little fun with it."

Emily grew silent for a moment. Her lips pursed while she thought about it. "You could have a point," she conceded at last.

"Finally!" Ricky slumped in his seat. "It's always exhausting plotting with you."

She ignored him. "Rusty, what do you think?" She focused her attention on him. "Are you willing to risk a little irritation on behalf of our being able to have a little fun with mommy dearest? We're all in this, or we don't do it at all."

Rusty looked from one to the other. "Is he going to cry if I say no?" He rolled his eyes at the look on Ricky's face and shrugged. "Why not? If it all goes south, I can always blame it on the two of you."

Emily laughed. "I see you taught him lesson number two... when in doubt, blame the _older_ sibling."

"Yeah," Ricky smirked. "Now you're outnumbered. This whole thing is growing on me more and more by the minute."

"Of course it is," Emily rolled her eyes at him. "Okay, so tell me what the two of you know..."

**MCMCMCMCMC**

Once out in the hall, with the door closed behind her, Sharon leaned back against it and sighed. In front of her, Andy was laughing again. Or rather, he was_ still _laughing. Her eyes narrowed. "It is not that amusing."

"It is." He chuckled again. "You're blushing," he pointed out. "You never blush." Andy reached for her hand and pulled her away from the door, closer to him. "It's cute. On the bright side, I think it's important to note that they're getting along. Big improvement over earlier today." Which was the reason behind his visit. When Sharon arrived at work that morning, she wasn't able to fully suppress the stricken, hurt mood that her argument with Ricky had produced. He thought he might need to at least get the kid out of there for a while, but it seemed to have resolved itself. Ricky was proving that he was, in fact, his mother's son and not some stranger.

He held both of her hands and tugged her closer. Her lips turned down slightly. She looked up at him through her lashes. "I am not _cute_." Sharon sighed again, mainly because it was difficult to stay annoyed with any of them when he was pointing out that her boys were fulfilling one of her fondest wishes and he was being so damned sweet. "They are, aren't they?" Some of her earlier concern returned. "They didn't seem to be putting on an act, for one, Rusty just isn't that good at it. Ricky, on the other hand, but he seemed sincere in his apology earlier." She glanced back toward the apartment, but found herself tugged further away.

"They're fine," Andy said. "Whatever was going on inside his head, you snapped him out of it. His eyes are open now. Come on." He pulled her with him as he walked toward the elevator, and further from the apartment. "Rusty just wants to be accepted, that's all he's ever wanted. Your boys are okay." Once they reached the elevator, he tapped the button that would take him back to the ground floor. Then he pulled her back to him and this time, his hands moved to her waist. "All of them," he rumbled in a quiet tone.

"Hm." Her hands settled against his arms. "Is that right?" Sharon tipped her head back and smiled, then gave in to the urge to lean into him. She didn't know how to label this... whatever this was between them. She never had. They had been friends before, and then, well, then they were hardly civil to one another. There was also a period of time in which they had been very close to what was happening between them now. Neither of them had really been ready to cross that line, and so they had fallen back on familiar routines. Proximity changed things. When they didn't have their separate divisions to hide in, they just naturally gravitated toward one another. She didn't mind it. They worked well together, but then, they always had... when they weren't busy sniping at one another.

Sharon found that she didn't mind this, the way their relationship was changing again. It seemed they'd both finally reached a place in their lives where they were ready for whatever came next. She was finally willing to let go of her marriage and all that it had once meant to her. Her children were grown and her career was satisfying. She didn't have the same drive she'd had even ten years ago to prove herself at her job and to those around her. She was content. More than that, she was happy.

She still wouldn't say that they were_ dating_. It was such a juvenile term to apply to something that was far more complicated than that. Especially at their ages. There were still some lines they hadn't crossed yet, and Sharon was holding off reporting the change in her relationship with a subordinate until that happened. They were in no rush. Whatever this relationship was, it was progressing at its own pace. As he bent toward her, Sharon tipped her face up and hummed quietly at the soft press of his lips against hers.

His hands slid slowly up her sides. He held her against him and turned, so that the wall was at her back and any view of her was blocked if the boys became curious. He held her there, thumbs stroking her sides. Her breathing hitched when his hands slid down to her hips and splayed there. He pulled her closer and she hummed quietly. Sharon slipped a hand up to cup the back of his neck. A low, deep moan was drawn from her when his hands slipped beneath her sweater and the simple cotton t-shirt so that his thumbs brushed against the soft skin just above the waist of her yoga pants.

His lips moved along her jaw, to the long length of neck that was exposed each time she drew her hair over her shoulder. Only the sound of the elevator opening beside them could sway his attention. Andy lifted his head and a slight grin tugged at his mouth. He stepped back, and then into the elevator, but drew her with him.

Sharon laughed when his arm curled around her to keep her from slipping away from him again. "_Andy!_" His lips found her neck again, and she found herself pressed against the wall of the elevator. "You know there are cameras in these elevators."

"Then we'll give your building security a good show. He's a nice, hard working guy. Deserves a treat every now and then." Andy slipped his hands into the thick curtain of her hair and tipped her head back. With her eyes dancing and her cheeks flushed, she'd never looked lovelier. "Think they'll miss you for a couple of hours?"

"Hm." His thumb sweeping the curve of her jaw made her smile. "Yes, I think that they might. If I know my son, he's calling his sister even as we speak."

"Too bad." He bent and kissed her smiling mouth again. Sooner or later, either she was going to end up in his bed, or he would end up in hers. They knew where they were headed, and they were both enjoying the journey.

"Okay." The elevator came to a stop. Sharon gripped his chin and kissed him, just once more. "Out you go." Her hands went to his chest and she pushed, gently, but with purpose.

"I still see no reason that you can't come with me." Andy pulled her to the open elevator doors, and they stood there. "If your kids are plotting against you, it's a perfect opportunity to escape."

"I'd take you up on it, but I know you've got ulterior motives." She gave him another, gentle shove. "Good night, Andy."

Andy caught her hand before she could draw away completely and pulled her back. His other hand reached out to hold the elevator doors when they started to close again. His arm swept around her and she was pulled, laughing, against him. His head bent and he kissed her again. "Good night," he rumbled against her mouth.

This time, when he stepped back, he let the elevator doors close. Sharon was left alone. She slumped against the back wall of the elevator and sighed. "That man." He was slowly driving her insane. Sharon smiled. She hummed quietly and tipped her head back against the wall. Her eyes closed. Her arms folded against her chest and she decided that it wasn't exactly a bad thing.

**MCMCMCMCMC**

When Sharon stepped back into her apartment, she was not surprised to find Rusty and Ricky still seated at the table. What did have her brows raising, however, was the iPad set up in the center of the table. She pushed the door closed behind her and walked toward them. It might not have been alarming, save the all too innocent look on Ricky's face and the way that Rusty seemed to want to squirm. "Boys?"

"Turn me around," Emily said. "I can't see her." Then she laughed. "Oh god, I sound like something from an 80s sci-fi feature." When Ricky had turned the iPad so that she could see her mother, she smiled brightly. "Hi mom!"

"Emily." Sharon smiled, cautiously, and approached the table. They were up to something alright. "How are you, honey?"

"I'm good." She placed her chin in her hand and gazed into the screen of her tablet. "You're looking great too!" Her hazel eyes glittered with mischief. "I would even venture to say that you're looking very well…kissed. Nice lipstick. You know, next time, you might want to fix it before you come back inside."

"Oh my god!" Rusty's forehead connected with the table. "There's _kissing_! I can't take this, that is just so many levels of wrong." He lifted his head and twisted his face into a disgusted look. "You can't just go bringing strange guys around here and making out with them whenever you want. It's _wrong_, Sharon. I mean, I live here too! What about me. I'm… I'm… very impressionable—" His face crumbled and he began to laugh. He slanted a look at Ricky and shook his head. "I can't. I tried, but I just can't." Rusty threw up his hands and leaned back.

Ricky shook his head slowly. "I am vastly disappointed in you, little brother. Such potential."

Emily was giggling. "Oh, give him a break. It was his first time. We have so much to teach him. Oh, the things we could tell him, Rick. There are stories…"

"Epic tales," Ricky agreed with a smirk.

"Okay, first of all," Sharon pointed at them. "You two are not to draw Rusty into any more of your hair brained schemes. Especially where it pertains to _my_ personal life, and number two, there will be no stories. Not unless you would like me to tell a few of my own, am I clear?"

"Oh mom," Emily laughed again. "We love you, but there are going to be stories. If Rusty is going to be part of this family, he has to know _everything_, and I do mean _everything_. You can't stop that. Don't even try, besides, you wanted us to accept him. You can't put limitations on it now."

"Not to mention the fact," Ricky continued. "That we _all _have a right to know if there is any potential at all of walking into a situation, around here, that could scar any one of us for life. But," he continued when her mouth opened, wanting to get the rest of it out before she shut him down. "We especially deserve to know if we're going to have to deal with listening to Dad whine about it."

Sharon groaned, loudly. She hated when they ganged up against her and used actual logic. That was something she just couldn't argue with, not with good conscience. "One time," she pointed at them again. Her gaze swept the table. "Just one time we are going to discuss it, and then this topic will never be mentioned again. Understood?"

The three of them looked at each other, at least, in so much as they could with Emily chiming in via Skype. "Fair enough," Ricky stated with a nod, speaking for all of them.

She drew a breath and ran a hand over her forehead. "Yes, yes, no, yes, maybe. Happy now?" Sharon picked up her water glass and carried it into the kitchen.

"I am so incredibly lost right now." Rusty stared after her, and finally shifted his gaze to Ricky. "_What_?"

Her son was too busy staring at her to answer. His mouth was hanging open slightly. Those were not, exactly, the answers he was expecting. Especially the last one. "Uh…"

"_Yes_ they are seeing each other," Emily answered, filling in the blanks. It wouldn't be the first time they'd grilled their mother about a male suitor. "_Yes _it's serious. _No_ they aren't sleeping together. _Yes_ that's probably going to happen. Does she love him, _maybe_."

"If you will excuse me," Sharon said. "I have had a very long two days, and I am exhausted. I am going to go to bed. Emily, I love you. We'll talk more later. Ricky," she leaned over and kissed the top of his head. "Good night, darling. Rusty—"

"Yeah, good night." He was in a bit of a dazed state too. He watched her retreat, rather quickly when he thought about it. "Wow. Was not expecting _that_. She actually answered."

"It's gotten serious?" Ricky leaned forward, focused on his sister now. "Did we know about this? I mean, Em, she talks to you about this kind of thing." His brows drew together. "You know, dad hinted that he thought she was seeing someone, but he wouldn't come out and say it. He made it all about Rusty, our last few calls, and the divorce."

"No," she mused. "Which should tell us something. It has been a while since she's bothered trying to see anyone. Dad usually gets wind of it and shows up to completely blow it apart." Her lips pursed. "Which would explain why he's been hanging around this time."

"I don't get it." Rusty looked between the two. "_Why_ does he care? He obviously doesn't want to be here. Why does it matter if Sharon is seeing someone or not, and oh my god, should we be talking about this?" He cast a worried look toward the hall.

"Probably not." Emily shrugged. "But it's how we look out for her.

Rusty found himself looking between the two, and finally, he just sighed. "Okay, both of you have pointed out more than once that this has happened before. So, maybe you should fill me in. What is it that I'm missing here? Why is it even a big deal? People date all the time."

"It's not so much that as _who_ it is," Emily explained. She wavered for a moment, and finally she shook her head. "Look, I don't know how much you know about our dad. When we were little, he was in to more than just the gambling. He had a pretty heavy drinking problem and ended up in Rehab, and then AA. It was kind of how he and Andy met. Andy was in and out of AA too, and I'm not sure I should even be telling you this." Emily chewed on her bottom lip and looked away from them, seeming lost about how much she should reveal about someone else's past.

"It's okay," Rusty shrugged. "I know about the Lieutenant, he's..." He risked a glance toward Ricky before shaking his head. "He's given me some advice on dealing with my mom. The real one, and her addiction issues. We've talked about his past. I know he was an alcoholic."

"Is," Emily pointed out. "It's never past tense, Rusty. Just because he isn't actively engaging, doesn't mean that it's gone. Remember that, okay?" When he nodded, she smiled gently at him and continued. "Okay, so dad was in rehab and AA, and Andy was going back and forth. Dad fell off the wagon during one of the periods when Andy was _on_ it. He brought him home one night, helped mom pour him into bed. They didn't really know each other from work, she was already FID, but she was just a sergeant. Andy was Homicide, they didn't exactly bump into each other a lot, if you know what I mean. Other cops don't exactly care a lot about those in Internal Affairs."

"Andy knew dad from AA," Ricky picked up for his sister. "Which meant, mom ended up finding out that Andy was in AA. He and his captain were keeping that on the down low at the time. He'd gotten in trouble at work a couple of times, and already mom was getting a reputation for being seriously by the book. I think mom kind of surprised him, because she didn't care about his addiction issues. If he was getting help, and she didn't have to bust him at work because he was drunk, then it was none of her business."

"To make a very long story short," Emily said. "They became friends. Until Andy fell off the wagon again. I don't know the details, but something happened, and mom had to deal with it. Then they weren't on very good speaking terms for a while. Dad left, and a few years later, Andy started coming around again. That's when we kind of got to know him."

"His son Charlie and I are the same age," Ricky pointed out. "We played little league together. So I kind of knew him, and by then dad had been gone a few years. Andy was sober, and had been for a while. Mom was a Lieutenant at that time, and they kind of both decided that it was more fun than a pain when they had to deal with each other at work. It became a game."

"Andy sort of had a reputation back then," Emily added. "He was a bit of a player. The rest is all just theory, as far as Rick and I are concerned. We think there was some interest and mom just wasn't ready. She and dad were separated, but they were still married. Andy was around for a couple of years, until the first time she took dad back. Then it was sporadic after that. Then we didn't see him much at all. We both got busy with other things, mainly school, and dancing for me."

"Then we both left home," Ricky leaned back in his seat. "After that, I don't think we really thought about it. I mean, things were what they were. Dad came and went when he wanted to. After a while, mom put a stop to that. At least, limited it. The two night rule got put into place. He could swing by, see us, stay two nights, but she was off limits."

"She's dated before," Emily smiled. "Nothing serious, but people aren't made of stone. They do get _lonely_," she cut a look at her brother.

He groaned. "Okay, not my finest hour, I admit." Ricky sniffed. "Can you just let me plead temporary insanity for listening to dad? He just sounded really sincere, is all."

"He always does." Emily rolled her eyes. "Look, guys, it's getting really late here. I have an early rehearsal. I don't think there is anything we have to worry about. Either way, mom has a point, it's not really any of our business. We've had our fun, but let's not push her too far. If things are actually working out this time, let's not be the ones to screw it up." She saw Rusty's confusion and smiled. "I don't mean this time with Andy, I don't honestly think it ever went that far. I just mean this time in general. Our dad was a complete and total crap husband, and mom will be the first to admit that she wasn't exactly perfect either, but she deserves to be happy. It's her turn." Her gaze shifted, settled on her brother. "Behave, Richard. If I have to get on a plane..."

He flashed a wide, crooked grin. "What are you going to do, little ballerina girl? I could snap you like a toothpick."

Rusty's hand landed against his forehead with a loud smack. "So _that_ explains the toothpicks!" When both of them looked at him, he laughed. "When Jack was here last year, we found a box of toothpicks that he used to teach me how to play poker. He wanted to know why she had them, apparently it's not something she normally keeps in the kitchen... but _Andy_," Rusty pointed out with a smirk.

"Ah." Emily grinned. "Well, there you have it. Dad would know about that habit. No wonder he's been fishing. Alright, little brothers. I'm getting off this, be good. Or at least, don't get caught, okay?"

"Don't worry," Ricky assured her. "I'll school the boy."

"Please." Rusty rolled his eyes at him. "Says he who cannot even comb his own hair."

"Hey!" Ricky glared at him.

Emily laughed. "Good night boys."

Once the Skype connection was closed, the boys were left at the table alone. They glanced at one another, then back at the table. Finally, Ricky sighed. He slanted a look at Rusty. "Does it really look that bad?"

Rusty squinted at him, then started to laugh when Ricky lifted a hand to his hair. Okay, maybe it wasn't all going to be so weird or bad after all.


	2. Chapter 2

Try to Love Again - Chapter 2

by Kadi

Rated T

Disclaimer: It isn't my sandbox. I simply visit it from time to time.

* * *

Sharon leaned against her closed bedroom door. Her eyes shut. She could hear the muffled sounds coming from the main room. Emily and Ricky were telling a story that they knew only pieces of. "Hm." Sharon hummed quietly while a smile slowly curved her lips. Her children knew only the basic details, and that was just as she liked it. There were some things they simply weren't meant to know, and some secrets she held closer than others.

It wasn't regret that tinged those memories, she tended to look back on that time with fondness. Even with as confusing as it had seemed at the time, the early days of their relationship set the tone for the friendship that followed, and for the turn their lives had taken in recent months. It was only just a bit amusing, the innocence with which her children viewed those years. They couldn't know that things had not been quite as platonic as they were led to believe.

_The evening had grown late, Sharon reflected, as she moved around the living room picking up a forgotten hoodie, and a pair of discarded sneakers. She shook her head as she dropped both in the corner beside the stairs. She made a mental note to remind Richard _again_ that he was not to leave his things laying about wherever he happened to drop them. The same could be said of her daughter, she realized, as she lifted Emily__'__s book bag and left it hanging from the newel post. _

"_Dishes are done.__" __Andy strode into the living room from the kitchen, the sleeves of his shirt rolled and pushed up around his elbows. He walked toward her, and shook his head. __"__Sharon, the house isn__'__t going to fall down around your head if you take a night off.__" _

"_No,__" __she chuckled. __"__But you can__'__t imagine the disaster that two teenagers can create when properly motivated and left unchecked. I also told you that you didn__'__t have to do the dishes.__" __Sharon cast a look at him. __"__Andy, I__'__m perfectly capable of cleaning a kitchen.__" _

"_You feed me, I do dishes,__" __he shrugged. __"__It seems like an acceptable compromise. My mother would have my hide if she knew that I__'__d let you cook dinner _and_ clean up afterward.__" __His eyes were saddened though, as he watched her pick up a pile of fashion magazines and place them on a bookshelf. __"__No,__" __he shoved his hands into his pockets. __"__I guess I don__'__t know about all of this.__" _

_Sharon stopped, she turned suddenly. The sudden downturn in his tone drew her gaze to him. She watched his gaze track slowly, sadly, over the stack of video games and youth novels on a nearby end table. __"__Oh, _Andy_.__" __Sharon felt like ten times a heel. It had been too long since he__'__d seen Nicole or Charlie. His relationship with his ex-wife was__… __well, it just was. Trust was a hard commodity to re-earn. In a way, she could understand Sarah__'__s reticence where he was concerned, but surely the woman could see how hard he was trying? __"__I__'__m sorry,__" __she said quietly. __"__I didn__'__t even think. That was unkind.__" _

"_Hey,__" __he shrugged. __"__My screwed up life is in no way your fault,__" __he pointed out. __"__And you__'__re right. I don__'__t know what it__'__s like having teenagers underfoot, but I__'__ve got no one to blame for that but me.__" _

"_Perhaps,__" __she couldn__'__t argue his point, even if she did think he__'__d come a long way and deserved so much better. __"__But it was still unkind of me.__" __Sharon moved to his side and touched his arm. __"__I am sorry, Andy.__" _

"_I know.__" __He smiled down at her. __"__Don__'__t be.__" __Andy reached up and flipped a long lock of dark hair over her shoulder. __"__Unless you being sorry involves baked goods,__" __his brows lifted, and the sparkle returned to his eyes when he grinned down at her. __"__In which case, yes, Sharon, do be sorry. Be very, very sorry.__" _

_She laughed. __"__Always trying to work an angle, aren__'__t you Lieutenant?__" __She shook her head at him. __"__Oh alright. I__'__ll see what I can come up with.__" __Sharon poked his chest. __"__Don__'__t get used to it, Flynn. Whatever you do, don__'__t let it get out. You__'__ll ruin my reputation.__" _

"_Can__'__t have that.__" __He shuddered. __"__Besides, who would believe me? I__'__d end up checked in to Mental Health before you could say Wicked Wi__—" __He grimaced when she poked him again. __"__I give up, you win, you win. Stop abusing me, please.__" __Andy reached for her hands and tugged her forward. __"__You__'__re little, but you__'__re mean.__" _

_Sharon shook her hair back and lifted her chin in a show of playful defiance. __"__Don__'__t you forget it!__" _

"_You wouldn__'__t let me.__" __Andy continued to smile down at her. The sparkle in her eyes, the flush of her cheeks. With her hair falling in soft, long, wavy layers around her shoulders, she looked far softer and more approachable than the image she projected during the day. The Ice Queen, as they called her. Hard as nails with high expectations, and the rules, good god don__'__t get him started on _the rules_. He was right, no one would ever believe him if he tried to describe how she was away from Parker Center. The few people who knew that they were friends couldn__'__t quite believe it. They didn__'__t understand what he saw in her. That worked just fine for Andy. He found that he kind of liked keeping this little side of her to himself. _

_Andy lowered his head slowly. He watched her until almost the last moment, when she didn__'__t pull away from him, his lips brushed hers in a soft caress. He kissed her before, and the first time, it had spooked her. He had to remind himself that she had been hurt, and by a guy that was more or less just like him. He might not be at all what she was looking for. His hands lifted to cup her face. He tipped her head back and drew back, studying her face again. She leaned into him with a quiet hum. For just a moment, they hovered there, breaths mingled and gazes locked. When he lowered his mouth to hers a second time, his lips were soft. _

_Her hands settled at his waist, slid slowly upward. She circled his wrists with her small hands and before they could get carried away, lose themselves in the heat that was slowly working its way through her, Sharon leaned back. Her tongue swept her bottom lip, she drew a shuddering breath. __"__I can__'__t,__" __she whispered. Her hands stroked his forearms. __"__Ricky is upstairs and Emily will be home soon.__" __Sharon didn__'__t want to confuse her children, not when she hardly knew what was happening between them herself. _

"_I know,__" __he rumbled quietly. He couldn__'__t say it wasn__'__t frustrating as hell, but he didn't want to push her too far. Andy didn__'__t know what was going on with them, but what he did know was that he didn__'__t want to screw up another good thing. His thumbs stroked the curve of her jaw. __"__I should go anyway. It__'__s late. You__'__ve been dealing with boneheads all day.__" _

"_Hm.__" __She chuckled quietly. __"__Yes. One in particular comes to mind.__" __Sharon leaned up and pressed a light kiss to his mouth. __"__He__'__s a real trouble case, too,__" __she murmured. __"__Come on,__" __she said. __"__I__'__ll walk you out.__" _

"_Yeah.__" __Andy kissed her one more time before he drew away from her. He walked over and retrieved his jacket from where it had been left during dinner. When he joined her again, he dropped an arm around her shoulders. Andy pressed a kiss to the side of her head as they walked to the foyer. __"__Tell you what,__" __he decided, __"__how about instead of baked goods, you let me take you to dinner sometime this week.__" _

_She feigned shock and gasped at him. __"__Are you asking me out, Lieutenant Flynn?__" __Sharon smirked up at him, eyes glittering. __"__Whatever would your friends think.__" _

"_They__'__ll be jealous as hell,__" __he rumbled. __"__Especially when they get a look at those legs.__" __At the door, his arm slipped from her shoulders, and his hand slid down her back. __"__Come on, one adult meal away from your kids, you deserve that. And ya know, Sharon, they__'__re old enough now. Hell, Ricky is thirteen, and Emily is out on a date of her own right now.__" _

_Her lips pursed thoughtfully. __"__You had me at adult meal.__" __Sharon tilted her head at him and smiled. __"__You lost points when you pointed out where Emily is. I__'__m not willing to acknowledge that it__'__s a date yet. It happens to be a group of friends, at a movie, and if there are boys in the group__… __then so be it,__" __she said with a firm nod._

"_If it gets you out with me, then I__'__ll join you in the land of denial.__" __Andy said. __"__Your sixteen year old daughter is in no way on a date right now,__" __he deadpanned. _

_Sharon sighed. __"__That__'__s it, you__'__ve ruined it. So much for fooling myself, now I__'__m going to be pacing until she gets home. Thanks for that.__" _

"_You were going to be pacing anyway.__" __Andy tipped her chin up and dropped a quick kiss to her lips. __"__Dinner?__" _

"_Yes.__" __She nodded once. __"__I think something can be arranged.__" _

"_Good.__" __He draped his jacket over his arm and dug his keys out of it. __"__You__'__ll check the kids__' __schedules and let me know?__" __Her kids came first, he__'__d never had any problem with that. _

"_I will.__" __Sharon leaned against the open door and smiled up at him. __"__You won__'__t mind if we have to delay a few days?__" __He wouldn__'__t, she knew. But when he winked at her, the familiar warmth at his easy acceptance of her limitations filled her. _

"_Nah, I can share you,__" __he quipped. __"__They__'__re okay kids. Good night, Sharon.__" _

"_Good night, Andy.__" __She waited until he stepped off her porch and crossed the walkway to his car. Only once he was inside did she push the door closed. She drew a breath and let it out slowly. A smile curved her lips. She was learning to appreciate more and more his persistence in pursuing her. She was beginning to wonder if he might just be more than a good friend. _

It didn't quite work out as she'd hoped, or planned. Sharon pushed away from her bedroom door and moved into the bathroom to start the tub to filling. Emily was late coming home that evening, and she had indeed spent that time pacing. It was only half an hour, but Sharon had fretted every second. She had gone out with Andy, almost a week later, when both their schedules had permitted.

She seemed to remember having a very good time. He'd taken her to his favorite hole in the wall Italian restaurant. They had driven out to the beach, and watched a jazz band playing at the Santa Monica boardwalk. He'd held her hand, kissed her under the moonlight.

It was almost perfect. Only _almost_. Jack came home a few weeks later, before anything could really progress between them. They had both been content to move slow, to not place any labels on the feelings growing between them. They were friends. Very _good_ friends. She wasn't ready for more than that. Sharon realized that when Jack came home and she felt torn between her marriage and Andy. If she had been ready to move on, she would have.

Sharon realized then that she was wrong. There was something about that time that she regretted. She hurt him. He stepped back, let Jack reclaim his place in their family. They hardly spoke at all for a few months, and then it was strained. Jack's presence in her life didn't last long. He was gone again within six months, and Andy hadn't touched her again. The friendship they'd spent almost two years building was gone, and what remained was only a shell.

Twice she took Jack back. The last time she realized that she was being completely unfair to both of them. She was measuring him against someone else, and when Jack inevitably left, she built walls around herself that she never allowed him to penetrate again. The two night rule was initiated, and although she couldn't say that she never let him into her bed again, she never let herself believe in him again, or in _them_.

There were advantages, however, to remaining married. As she'd told Jack very recently. It wasn't only the financial, or the religious. She had career ambitions, and divorce seemed like too much a hassle, especially when Jack was out of her life far more than he was in it.

It took some time to rebuild things with Andy, and there was a part of her, even now, that was worried at blowing it. _Again_. It was years before they were even comfortable around one another again. Then they were friends, and now… _and now_…

Sharon turned off the faucet and ran a hand through the water. She sat on the edge of the tub and watched it swirl around her hand as she mixed in the bath oils.

_Now_ was the question, wasn't it?

She drew her bottom lip between her teeth and sighed quietly. Things were still so very complicated for them, but…

_Now_ she thought that _maybe _she was ready to love him.

Sharon stood and turned her back on the tub. She slipped out of her clothes and pinned her hair up. The realization was terrifying, in that there was so much more than just the two of them involved. She slipped into the tub with a sigh and sank to her chin in the steaming water.

They had moved far more slowly this time, and with very good reason. Her kids were very correct in what they'd told Rusty. This was a road they had been down before, and this time, Sharon couldn't allow herself to blow it. Her eyes closed and she exhaled slowly.

For now, she would be content to let them be as they were. She owed him that much, after the last time. Soon, however, they were going to cross a line, and there would be no turning back from that. There was a part of her that was beginning to think that it couldn't come soon enough. For either of them.

For the first time, they were both ready for the same thing, at the same time.

The sound of her phone vibrating against the seat of the stool upon which she set it drew her attention. Sharon sat up and reached for it. Her thumb swept across the screen and she smiled. _Andy_.

_Just wanted to say good night again_, she read.

Sharon rested her chin against the edge of the tub and quickly typed her response. _In that case, good night._

_What are you doing?_

Sharon laughed. For just a moment she was tempted to lie, but smirked instead. _I__'__m in the tub. _

His response was slower in coming this time. When it arrived, she laughed outright. _You are evil. _

_Yes, but I thought you liked that about me. _

_You have no idea, lady. _

_Go to bed, Andy. Be a good boy and you can take me to lunch tomorrow._

_Bribery! Who knew the indomitable, rule following Raydor would resort to bribery! My reputation is shot, I__'__ve never been this good in my life. _

They were almost as bad as teenagers, Sharon reflected. She drew her bottom lip between her teeth and enjoyed the giddy feeling._ Then I__'__ll be seeing you tomorrow. Good night, Andy. _

_Good night, Sharon. _

She shook her head and placed the phone back on the stool. She leaned back again and sighed softly. Yes, teenagers. They were teenagers in very old bodies. God help them both.


	3. Chapter 3

Try to Love Again - Chapter 3

by Kadi

Rated T

Disclaimer: It isn't my sandbox. I simply visit it from time to time.

* * *

Andy dropped his phone back onto the bed side table and leaned back. He continued to grin, even as he tucked an arm behind his head and got comfortable on the pillows. Thinking about Sharon in the tub made him groan and he quickly turned his mind to something else. The simple, shining joy in her eyes when she opened the door that evening was safe enough to think about, he decided.

She was so upset with Ricky when she walked into the Murder Room that morning. Sharon tried to hide behind an emotionless mask, but her eyes had always been the giveaway. He pulled her away from the others at the first possible moment, and had to wait until Provenza was well occupied to do it. He found it hard to believe that Ricky was acting as he was. The boy had always been a good kid, and he loved his mother. He always seemed to have a good head on his shoulders.

Andy had been thinking back on a lot of things the last couple of days, since Ricky arrived in town. It had been a while since he'd seen him, but Sharon's gangly teenage boy had grown up, and didn't _that_ make him feel old? He could remember a time when Ricky was all feet and braces, skinnier than a twig and hardly able to hit a baseball. He'd grown into those feet eventually and turned into a hell of a ball player. He was a hell of a catcher. Had his mother's eye, knew from one moment to the next everything that was happening on his field. Andy had loved watching him and Charlie play.

Then later, after Sarah remarried, and they took the kids and moved across town, he saw less of Charlie and Nicole. He hadn't gotten to see them much as it was. Always with limitations. Maybe hanging out with Sharon hadn't come from the best place to start with, in those days. He used to tell himself, who else was going to toss a ball around with Ricky? Besides, they were friends. Just friends. At least, that was how it started.

Jack was gone, had been for a while at that point. Sharon was juggling both kids and a demanding job, and making it look so effortless. Andy remembered the first time he started thinking that making she wasn't super human after all. He found her in the parking garage at Parker Center. That had started it, really, when he thought back. She was sitting in her car, head against the steering wheel. She had been fighting with Emily that morning. Her fourteen year old daughter had developed quite the attitude lately, and it was all so very normal, but driving her utterly insane. Andy took her to dinner that evening, just so she could vent, and have a little time that was hers, away from the kids.

That seemed to be the starting point for them. They began spending more time together after that. Prior to that moment, they were passable friends, people who knew each other and were civil enough… but not exactly _close_.

In the beginning, they were _just_ friends. He wasn't sure when it shifted. When he began thinking about her differently, or when she became receptive to it, but it happened. The first time he kissed her was two days after Emily's sweet sixteen. They'd been friends long enough by that point that he knew it spooked her, but Sharon hadn't run. She smiled shyly and reminded him that she was married. A month later, she was the one kissing _him_.

They'd been in no hurry to rush things, they were comfortable with one another. Her kids were comfortable with him, although they hadn't known about it when they started _dating_. They'd have found out eventually, Andy was sure. In hindsight, he figured it was probably a good thing that they kept it from them. Especially with what came next.

No, the emotionless mask she wore wasn't very effective. Her eyes always gave her away.

_Andy wasn__'__t surprised to find Sharon seated on his porch when he got home. She often teased him that the next time she caught him not paying attention, the wooden slider would find its way to her house instead. She stood when he moved up the steps and wrapped her arms around herself. The smile on his face was frozen at the look in her eyes. It wasn__'__t only that she was pale, but she had been crying. The red rimmed eyes were evidence of that. _

"_Hey.__" __He reached for her, and his hand slid down her arms to loosely circle her wrists as he tugged her forward. "Bad day?__" _

"_Something like that.__" __She offered him a weak smile. When he leaned in to kiss her, she turned her face away and closed her eyes against a new onslaught of tears. __"_Andy_,__" __she whispered his name and lifted her hands to lay against his chest. __"__I'm sorry.__" __When Sharon lifted her eyes again, the confusion in his gaze, and the way he slipped his arms around her and held her, hands moving up her back in a light caress, it warred with the her earlier resolve. _

"_What happened?__" __Something was tearing her up, he hadn__'__t seen her quite this upset in a while. Not since Jack left a few years before. Her head fell to lay against his chest and he lifted his hands into her hair. __"__Let__'__s go inside. Then you can tell me who__'__s ass I__'__m going to kick.__" __She wasn__'__t always as unaffected by the hate of her peers as she would like the world to believe. Although, Andy couldn__'__t imagine her getting this worked up about work. That wasn__'__t like her. _

"_No.__" __Sharon lifted her head again. She smiled sadly at him. __"__I shouldn__'__t. I__…" __She drew a breath and let it out slowly. __"__It__'__s no one__'__s fault but my own. Andy__…" __She shook her head and stepped out of the circle of his arms. It was entirely too easy to let him hold her, comfort her. __"__Jack is in town.__" __She moved to the porch rail and turned, leaning back against it. __"__He came by the house.__" _

_Andy__'__s jaw clenched. He folded his arms over his chest. __"__Yeah?__" __He shifted on his feet until he faced her again. __"__What did he want this time?__" __How _much_ did he want, that was the more appropriate question. Had he fallen off the wagon again? _

"_He__'__s working,__" __Sharon said. __"__He__'__s been in town for a couple of weeks. He__'__s got a job at a firm in Silver Lake. He wanted to see the kids. He__… __he seems to be doing very well.__" __She chewed on the corner of her lip. Sharon closed her eyes. __"__He__'__s moving back in.__" _

_It was worse than being sucker punched. Andy felt the ache shoot right through him. For a moment he could hardly breathe, much less comprehend what she was telling him. A hand moved over his hair. __"__He__'__s moving in? Sharon, what__—" _

_She exhaled slowly. __"__We__'__re going to try again,__" __she said quietly. __"__We talked about it, and__… __the kids deserve to have both their parents in their lives. Ricky is getting older, and__… __Emily will be off to college in a couple of years. He wants to try again,__" __she finished awkwardly. _

_Andy__'__s eyes narrowed. She wouldn__'__t look at him. His jaw clenched, while his hands fisted. __"__Yeah,__" __he managed. __"__I bet he does. Especially now when you__'__ve finally finished paying off all of _his_ debts.__"_

"

_Andy please__…" __Sharon finally lifted her face. __"__He__'__s trying. He__'__s got a good job, and__—"  
_

"_What do _you_ want?__" __He walked toward her, stopped a couple of steps away. __"__Sharon, don__'__t do this because you think that you _have_ to.__" __It was killing him, to watch her look so torn up about it. He had to believe that if salvaging her marriage was what she really wanted, she wouldn__'__t be so upset about it. _

"_I__'__m not.__" __It was spoken quietly, hardly audible at all. __"__I__'__m doing this because it__'__s the right thing to do.__" __Sharon looked up at him again, smiled sadly. __"__You are important to me, Andy. You have no idea how much these last two years have meant to me, and the last few months__…" __To believe again that someone could want her, could find her desirable. __"__But like it or not, I married Jack. We took vows. I owe it to my children and myself to make that work. It__'__s a chance to put my family back together, and I just cannot walk away from that.__" _

"_No,__" __he sighed. __"__I guess not.__" __The worst part was Andy had wished for the same for himself for a long time. Not until Sarah had remarried had he actually stopped hoping they could put it back together. Andy stepped forward again, this time his hands slipped into her hair. He tipped her face up. His thumbs were gentle against the cool, damp curve of her cheeks. __"__I hope the idiot knows just how lucky he is,__" __he rumbled, voice low and thick. _

"_So do I,__" __she whispered. Her hands circled his forearms. This time, when his head lowered, she didn__'__t turn away. The pressure in her chest had risen to her throat, and tears stung her eyes. It might almost be worth it, she thought, to turn her back on her marriage. She just couldn__'__t, it wasn__'__t in her to give up. His lips were soft, and the kiss undemanding. Sad, in its finality. Sharon wrapped her arms around him when his lips moved across her cheek and he turned his face into her hair. __"__I__'__m going to miss you,__" __she murmured. _

"_I__'__ll still be here.__" __His arms closed around her. He held her close. Andy exhaled a ragged sigh. __"__Sharon, we__'__re still friends.__" _

"_No.__" __She leaned back, smiled sadly. __"__But you__'__ll try.__" __She cupped his chin. __"__That will have to be enough.__" __Sharon shook her head. __"__Andy, you aren__'__t a patient man. Sooner or later, all this is going to sink in, and you__'__re going to hate me for it.__" _

"_Trust me, sweetheart,__" __he smirked at her. __"__Hating you, just isn__'__t possible.__" __It hurt, to smile at her, to try and be__… __something other than the pissed off man that he was. __"__How could I hate anyone with legs like that?__" _

_Sharon leaned up and kissed him, just once more. This one quick, almost chaste. __"__I have to go.__" __She moved out of his arms and slipped around him. If she didn__'__t leave now, she feared she wouldn__'__t, and that would just make everything all the worse. Jack was waiting for her at home. _

_Andy shoved his hands into his pockets and let her go. __"__Hey,__" __He pivoted slightly. __"__Tell the idiot not to blow it this time, yeah? Next time, I won__'__t be so nice about letting you go.__" _

_She stopped on his steps, flashed a tear-filled smile. __"__Oh, believe me, Andy. If he blows it again__… __you will be the least of Jack__'__s problems.__" _

_Andy knew that she was right about that. Part of him almost wished the idiot would screw it up, just to see him get what he actually deserved. But then he realized he couldn__'__t wish more heartache on Sharon, or her kids. He waited until her car pulled away and disappeared down the block before he let himself into the bungalow. Then Andy promptly planted his fist against a wall. _

He bruised the hell out of his knuckles, but it wasn't the first time. Andy sighed as he recalled the bandage he'd worn for a week after that. He tried, as Sharon said, to be the friend he was before. He couldn't quite manage it. Seeing her with Jack, just wasn't something he could stomach.

Then Jack left again. Only six months passed before that news reached his ears. Sharon didn't come to him, she wouldn't. She left him to be with her husband, she wouldn't come running back when it didn't work out. She was better than that, and Andy appreciated that more than she knew. Even if part of him wished she would. He didn't exactly reach out to her either, he reflected. For which Andy was grateful. Especially when Jack was home again a year later.

She took him back a couple of times. Each time harder than the last. When the kids left home, she sold the house and… Andy knew that she'd given part of it to Jack to get him out of her life again. After that, he swung in and out of town on a whim, never staying more than a couple of nights at a time. His longest visit in recent years had come the previous summer. Andy was actually surprised that she let Jack hang around as long as he did, especially with Rusty and all that was going on there.

He asked her about it. More out of curiosity than anything. They were only just starting to piece their friendship back together. Sharon confessed she didn't have the energy to make Jack leave, and that he was staying on the sofa. She also admitted that… after Rusty received the letter, part of her felt a little safer knowing there was an extra pair of eyes on him, even if it was Jack. However undependable he was, he might be a neglectful father and a worse husband, but he wouldn't let Rusty be hurt. She also acknowledged that Jack would leave again, either when he got what he wanted, or when he realized that he wasn't going to get it.

How right she was. Jack pushed Sharon until she snapped, and then ran away like the coward he was. Things began to change again after that. Maybe Andy just needed to see for himself that Sharon was finished with Jack, even if she hadn't bothered to divorce him. Whatever her reasons on that, he hadn't pressed the issue. Even when they began spending more time together.

Sharon told him when she was ready to. It was just easier to be a married career woman with two kids than it was to advance under the stigma of being single or divorced. She used her status to her advantage. Why not? Jack used their marriage often enough. It was her turn.

Making the decision to take a chance on her again wasn't easy. It was a lot more complicated now than it was then, but one undeniable fact continued to rear it's head. They were just better together than apart. It was easy, comfortable. They just had fun, and as the walls came down between them, they could talk about almost anything.

His partner was going to kill him. Of that, Andy was certain. It wasn't just another skirt he was chasing, and they both knew it. This one meant something, and whether it worked or not, it had the power to shake things up around them. He had always cared about her, now he was more than half in love with her.

This time, he'd let himself go there. He realized long ago that in holding back the first time, in not letting himself love Sharon when he had the chance, he had no one to blame but himself that he'd lost her to Jack. He knew Sharon well enough, that if they'd actually been _together_ when Jack came back, the son of a bitch never would have stood a chance. They'd only just been starting then. He held back.

It wasn't a mistake he was making a second time. Neither was she.

They were letting it move at its own pace, due in part to their history, but their positions demanded that they be _sure_ about this. Sharon would need to report it soon, and then there was Rusty to consider. But moving slow didn't mean holding back. They could enjoy this, enjoy the ride, the slow build to something more… the way the previous spark was catching flame and burning toward something great.

Andy let his eyes close on that thought, as he settled further into the bed. He wasn't letting her go again. A grin tugged at his lips when he recalled her smile upon hearing that. "_Good_," she said, "_since I__'__m not going anywhere_."

Now… if he could just find a Provenza sitter… Andy wondered how much it would cost him to get Rusty and Ricky to occupy the old coot for a while so that he could take Sharon out for more than just a quiet dinner.

He fell asleep while plotting, the grin still on his face.


	4. Chapter 4

Try to Love Again - Chapter 4

by Kadi

Rated T

Disclaimer: It isn't my sandbox. I simply visit it from time to time.

* * *

The weekend brought them another visitor. Friday evening found the Major Crimes team hard at work on their newest case. The sound of heels entering the Murder Room drew their attention. It was not the familiar staccato of the Captain's approach. For one, she was in her office buried behind a pile of paperwork while the rest of the squad was looking through information on witnesses and leads.

Rusty and Ricky were planning on a movie, but had dropped by to see if they could coax Sharon away to dinner first. While she was spending as much time with Ricky as she could, during his visit, she was also leaving the boys to their own devices as much as possible. It was still crucial that they get to know one another, bond as much as they could.

Ricky still had some reservations, Sharon knew they wouldn't all be erased over night. Getting to know Rusty for himself was the best way of allaying any lingering fears that he had. He was trying, she couldn't ask for more. It appeared to be working, the more time they spent together, the better that relationship became.

Sharon wouldn't leave the Murder Room for dinner, but Ricky and Rusty were getting dinner orders from the squad. They would bring dinner to her, and Rusty was used to feeding the entire team. He knew where to order from for the most variety of all their preferences. When the others looked up at the new arrival, Ricky joined them. His eyes widened. "Oh!"

She didn't expect to see him so soon. She was going to drop in on their mother. It was a surprise visit, after all. Emily had nothing planned for the weekend, and the company was on stand-down the following week while the production departments got ready to begin working on their fall show. She strode through the room, hair bouncing around her shoulders, skirt swaying around her knees. Emily dropped her purse on the first available surface, the desk of an older, white-haired gentleman that she only vaguely recognized. "_Ricky_."

The tone in her voice was enough to alarm. He leaned back when she approached, and wondered if he should listen to his _flight or fight_ response. "Em—" She blew right past him, however. "Oh-kay…"

Emily was ready to deal with her brother, on behalf of their mother's _ever so lonely heart_ but at the last minute, she spied someone else far more deserving of her attention. "Andy!" It was too long since she'd seen him, and really, she didn't expect to be quite so excited by it. Maybe it was the fact that she knew that there was _something_ going on between him and her mother. Whatever the reason for it, her hazel eyes lit with delight and she bounced toward him.

"Hey!" He caught her, more than a little surprised at the greeting and swept her into a bear hug. She was no longer a teenager, but still such a slight little thing. He was assaulted by memories of dinners, lunches, and recitals during the two years that he and Sharon had been _close_ before. Maybe they had been his substitute family for a while, and maybe it wasn't exactly _right_, but the memories were there, and they remained. Andy practically lifted her off the ground and dropped a kiss to the top of her head. Her laughter rang in his ear. He set her away from him and held her arms out from her body. "Let me see you."

"Yes, I know." Emily rolled her eyes at him, then tilted her head and offered a crooked smile. "I am the Mini-Sharon. It is my lot in life," she rolled her eyes and feigned exasperation. There really were worse things than looking like her mother, to be honest. "Let me see _you_!" She reached up and swept a hand over the strands of hair that were now far more silver than the salt and pepper it used to be. "You know, I think I like it."

At his desk, Lieutenant Provenza rolled his eyes. Oh yeah, they were just friends alright… and he was looking forward to getting married again. He felt quite a bit like throwing up. He cast a look at Sanchez and pantomimed just that. Then his eyes narrowed at the purse that had been dropped on his desk. The Lieutenant lifted his stapler and poked at it. His brows lifted and he smirked. He glanced at where Flynn was chatting up the Captain's daughter, then began to slowly slide the purse across his desk with the stapler.

Amy's eyes widened. She leaned forward against her desk. "Lieutenant," she hissed at him.

Provenza made a face at her and kept right on pushing the purse toward the edge of his desk. If she didn't want it in the floor, then little Miss Raydor should not have left it on _his desk, _he reasoned.

"I think I like this too." Andy reached out and tugged on a long, loosely curled lock of dark hair. At sixteen, she had worn it in a short, stylishly layered bob. He also remembered blond highlights and too much makeup. Both were gone. At twenty-eight, age had tempered her. She had inherited her mother's sense of fashion, he noticed. "Sharon didn't mention you were visiting." That was safe enough to say in front of the others, Andy thought, without giving away _too much_. She had talked about nothing else during the week leading up to Ricky's arrival.

Emily's eyes sparkled. "That's because I didn't tell her." She winked at him. "A little momma bird might have mentioned that one of my little brothers required an intervention. Or rather, an attitude adjustment. Somehow, I'm pretty sure, it's not the littlest one."

"Hey!" Ricky straightened and scowled at her. "You know, we talked about all that." He looked at Rusty. "Why does she all of a sudden like you best?"

Rusty shrugged at him, then he smirked. "Same reason your mother does."

"Funny." Ricky rolled his eyes at him. "Funny, _funny_ guy."

Andy laughed. He walked over and pushed Sharon's door open. "Hey, Captain, I think you should join us out here. I may have found something that belongs to you."

Sharon looked up. She cast a confused look at him. Then her gaze moved beyond him, to the thin brunette behind him. "Emily!" A wide smile curved her lips as she rushed out of the office. "You didn't tell me you were coming!"

"Of course not!" She stepped around Andy, and turned so that she could be swept into a hug. "It wouldn't be a surprise if I told you. I wasn't going to let Ricky have all the fun. How long has it been since we've all been together, anyway?" There was nothing like being held by her mother. She hadn't realized just how much she missed her until that moment. Emily almost wanted to cry. For just a moment she turned her face into her mother's hair and inhaled the familiar scent. _Now_ she was home. "I didn't want to wait until Christmas," she said, voice low and thick.

"I'm glad that you didn't," Sharon cupped her face. "Oh, I have missed you." She pulled her close again. Emily was right, it had been entirely too long since all of them were together, Christmas three years ago, if she had to guess, and this would be the first time that she would have all _three_ of them together. Sharon could always count on Emily to read between the lines of everything that was happening around them. She had come home to help with the Ricky situation, and possibly to put Jack in his place as well, if Sharon guessed correctly. Oh how she adored this girl of hers. She was perfectly capable of handling all of it, and then some, but at the end of the day, Emily was _her_ girl.

The sound of leather smacking against tile, along with a heavy thud, drew their attention. Both ladies leaned back from each other and turned toward the sound. At his desk, Provenza blinked owlishly. Then he made a good show of looking over the edge of his desk. "Oops."

They followed his gaze. Emily's purse was now on the floor. Sharon tilted her head at him. Her eyes narrowed knowingly, but he just stared, ever so innocently, back at her. Finally she rolled her eyes, even while Emily walked over to scoop it up, none the wiser for _how _it had gotten on the floor.

"Sorry about that!" Emily pulled the purse onto her shoulder and shook her hair back. Then she leaned on the edge of the desk, hazels eyes dancing at the way the older man's narrowed. She stuck out a hand and smiled brightly. "I'm Emily, I know you don't I? You look very familiar, but I'm afraid I'm terrible with names." She hooked a thumb at her mother, "Came by it naturally."

Where he stood, Andy snorted a laugh and quickly bowed his head. He tried to cover it by clearing his throat, but when he glanced up, Sharon was shooting a glare in his direction. It lacked true heat, but his little slip had not gone unnoticed. "Well, she's not lying."

Sharon rolled her eyes at him. "Making fun of your Captain does not get you any favors, Lieutenant. I'm going to remember this."

Andy shoved his hands into his pockets and grinned. "Yes ma'am, you always do."

"Lieutenant Provenza," Sharon walked over to join them. She lay a hand on her daughter's shoulder, and while her eyes sparkled, she did not make any move to maneuver her away from his desk. "You remember my daughter, Emily?"

"Yes," he stood up and held out his hand. "It's good to see you again."

"That's right!" She pushed away from the desk to shake his hand. "Last time we met, you came barging into mom's office over at the other place. Something about a Sensitivity training class. I think you were very upset about it."

"Yeah." The old Lieutenant's smile slipped. "Thanks for reminding me," he said drily. He shot a glare at his Captain. "Them were the days."

"Hm." Sharon had to press her lips together to keep from laughing out right. Instead, she curled a hand around Emily's arm and drew her away. "You haven't met Detective Sanchez, Detective Sykes," she indicated each member of her team as she introduced her daughter, one by one.

"And _you_," Emily said after the official introductions were made, "are Rusty."

"Yeah." He exhaled as he took a step forward. They were great on the phone or Skype, but he'd found that meeting Sharon's children in person didn't always go so great. Rusty rubbed his hands against his jeans before holding one of them out. "Hi."

Emily shook his hand, but then she tugged him close. She looped an arm around his shoulders. "So, as I understand it, you and I need to have a very long talk. You, little brother, are lacking in very important information. Particularly that which will help you to deal with a certain other little brother of mine."

"Really?" He didn't necessarily like people he didn't know touching him, but Rusty didn't squirm. Instead, he slanted a look at her, more curious now than anything. "How is that?"

"Well," Emily explained. "For instance, I know every stupid thing he's ever done, even the ones that mom isn't aware of."

"Hey!" Ricky scowled at her. "No, this is not open season on brothers. We should just agree to all move forward with a clean slate. I see no reason to start bringing the past into anything."

Emily turned slowly. Her brows lifted. A single corner of her mouth lifted into a crooked half-smirk. "That, little brother, is exactly the thought you should have had when you stepped off the plane." She said it slowly, deliberately.

"Okay, because that's not in any way creepy at all," Rusty leaned away from her. She had just channeled her inner-Sharon, and really, one of them was definitely enough.

Ricky was thinking much the same thing. He had the good sense not to comment on it, however. His shoulders slumped. "Great."

"Hm," Emily hummed. "Indeed." Then she glanced at Rusty and smiled again. She could sense his unease in the way he'd tensed when she touched him. She stepped away from him and clasped her hands in front of her. "Anyway," she explained for her mother, now that she had her brothers well in hand, "the Company has the week off. When I go back, we begin rehearsing again. Next week, Production is getting things ready for the fall show, and there was nothing to do but lay around my apartment and be a complete couch potato. I figured instead of sitting around and waiting for Rusty to call me because Ricky is being a complete dip, I'd just deal with it in person."

"I'm standing right here," Ricky stated.

"Yes," Emily said, drawing the world out. A smile tugged at her lips.

Sharon laughed. "Well, we're glad that you did." She took Emily's arm. "Come on, let's go talk in my office. Have you eaten? The boys were just about to go and grab dinner for everyone."

"I haven't, actually." She cast a look at her brothers. "Just whatever you were going to get for mom, is fine." She could trust her mother to order something good, but healthy. Emily paid them little mind after that, and slipped an arm around her mother's waist as they walked toward her office. "So, as I understand it, we've got some catching up to do…"

Ricky watched them go. He slanted a look at Rusty. "This is how it starts. It's always _ooh_ and _aww_ in the beginning. Then it's errands, lectures, and those two teaming up against you." He shook the phone, which he took out of his pocket to call in their orders, at Rusty. "You would think, now that it's two on two, it would be evened out. Oh no. We are still so many levels of outnumbered."

"I'm not even sure what the problem is." Rusty smirked as he shoved is hands into his pockets. "They still like me."

"What kind of wing man are you?" Ricky asked. "You're just going to leave me hanging like this?"

Rusty smirked. "Exactly. Rule number one," he slanted a look at the team, and tried not to grin too widely. "When you irritate the Raydor, it's every man for himself."

"Truer words." Provenza moved back behind his desk and got comfortable in his chair again. "You made your bed." He shook his finger at the Captain's son. "Now you get to untangle yourself from it. In the meantime, you two are going to order dinner and go get it. The rest of us are going to get back to work." He paused and directed a scowl at his partner. "That means you too, Flynn."

Andy shook the file that was already back in his hand. "Does it look like I'm knitting a sweater?"

"You don't want me to tell you what it _looks_ like you're doing," Provenza muttered.

"We're on it." Rusty pulled out his own phone and took the list from Ricky. "I won't let you starve Lieutenant. We'll be back soon."

"Good man, Rusty." He turned his attention back to the case file on his desk. "Others could take lessons…"

"Ah geez," Andy rolled his eyes and dropped into his chair. If his partner was acting like this now, he could only imagine how it would all hit the fan once he and Sharon finally went public. That was something that would eventually happen, for now, this relationship was theirs. Besides, he had to admit, aside from the cranky sniping, it was kind of fun to keep his partner guessing.

Sharon pushed her door closed behind Emily and moved toward her desk. "Okay, what is really going on? You don't get on a plane and fly home on a whim. My little California girl has turned into a Manhattan woman, so spill."

Emily laughed as she dropped her purse on a chair near the door and walked over to take a seat in front of the desk. "I felt bad," she admitted. "Since you called me the other day and told me how everything went with Ricky and Rusty, I just felt so guilty that you were here with this all by yourself. I mean, it's bad enough that dad is being _dad_ about the divorce, but for Ricky to act the way that he did… I was worried about you, mom."

"Hm." Sharon's heart ached. She leaned against the front of her desk and bent to cup her daughter's chin. "Suddenly my children have forgotten that I'm very good at taking care of myself. I've been doing it for a very long time, you know. Since even before you were born."

"Not at all." Emily curled a hand around her wrist. "I had every faith you'd whip them into shape, and you did. I can still worry. Especially when I'm so far away from it all. I should have planned this trip sooner. Ricky and I should have been here together to _meet_ Rusty. I'm sorry, mom. It was incredibly selfish of me. We were rehearsing, but it was nothing important. I could have come home days ago. I _should_ have come home days ago. I should have known that dad was going to get Ricky all tied up in knots over this, I've gotten very good at ignoring his crap, but…"

"Oh Em," Sharon stood and motioned her daughter up. "It is not your job to ride herd on this family." She pulled her girl into a hug. Sharon held her tightly. The ache in her heart moved into her throat. "Sweetheart, I appreciate the thought, but your brothers and your father are not your responsibility. I think it would have been nice, to have you here when Ricky arrived, but to be honest with you… it might have been overwhelming for Rusty too." Sharon leaned back and smiled at her, eyes bright with warmth and unshed tears. "You cannot know how much I adore you, or how proud I am of you."

"I love you too, mom." Emily's smile was a mirror of the emotion in her mother's face. "For the record, I like him." She nodded her head back toward the murder room. "Rusty. He really is a sweet kid. He looked like he wanted to run when I got here, but he didn't. I am going to have _so many _words with Ricky about that, and no, you can't stop me. Big sister's prerogative. I know Ricky turned his attitude around pretty fast, you've always been able to call us on our crap, even when we hated it. When I'm done with him, you'd best believe I'll be having a little chat with Jackson."

"Hm." Sharon tilted her head at her. "It doesn't help at all if I tell you that the situation is under control, or that I don't really need you riding to the rescue?"

"No." Emily took her mother's hands. "Dad and I need to talk. It's easy for him to pretend that everything is okay over the phone, or to attempt to manipulate me to his way of thinking. He needs to understand very quickly that I am not Ricky. I remember everything. _Everything_," she emphasized with a smile. "Like how he came waltzing back into our lives just when we started to be happy again. How managed to blow it all apart and then slink away when it was no longer convenient for him to be a family man anymore. You've always done a very good job trying to protect us from that, but mom, we're all grown up now. When it comes to dad, Ricky only see's what's on the surface. Maybe he's a little too much _like_ dad that way. No, dad doesn't get to blow this family apart again. He can have Ricky and I in his life, if that's what he wants, but… he made his choice about you clear every time that he left. I don't care what he thinks. You get a turn, mom. You get to be happy."

"I am," she cupped her daughter's cheek. "The three of you make me very happy," she said thickly. Sharon shook her head. "Emily, you have a right to discuss with your father, anything you feel is relevant to your relationship with him, but don't do it on my behalf. Sooner or later he's going to realize that this divorce is going to happen. When that happens, Jack will make his way out of my life again. He's very good at it." It always hurt to admit, especially to her children, but Emily was right. She was old enough to remember every sad, embarrassing, and heartbreaking detail of her parents' marriage.

"Just the three of us?" Emily flashed a knowing look at her. "Something tells me that smile has a lot more to it than your three, very grown, very opinionated children." Her eyes sparkled. "When I said that I remember everything mom, I meant _everything_." She took both her mother's hands again and leaned back, getting a good look at her. She did look happy, if a bit tired. "It looks good on you. Even if I do think you're entirely too thin."

"Bless you child!" Sharon laughed and pulled her into another hug. "I'm so glad that you're here!"

"So am I." Emily hugged her back just as tightly. "I just have one question…" She leaned back, brows raised. "_What_ is with that one old guy and his desk?"


	5. Chapter 5

Try to Love Again - Chapter 5

by Kadi

Rated T

Disclaimer: It isn't my sandbox. I simply visit it from time to time.

* * *

"Are your cases always so exciting?" Emily asked the question as she set the dining table in her mother's condo. After two days in Los Angeles, she had the opportunity to witness the end of the current case. It came while she was at the station, dropping by to report in to her mother after a visit with her father. Emily had poked her head into the electronics room just in time to watch the suspect her mother and another officer were interviewing lunge across the table at them. There were a few heart stopping moments until the other officer, Detective Sanchez, had caught the man and put him down, hard, into the table. What Emily found amusing about the entire ordeal, after the fact, was that while her mother had stepped back, she hadn't flinched. At the same time, every person in the electronics room had moved to their feet as though prepared to run to the rescue. Most especially Andy, who had been _first_ on his feet, fists clenched and eyes dark.

He and one of the others had gone in to help diffuse the situation, while Emily watched the monitors. Her head tilted at the silent exchange she saw upon his entrance. He was practically vibrating with energy when he left the room, and upon reaching her mother, a single glance passed between them and she watched him relax. It was instant, almost unnoticeable. As Emily glanced around herself, she realized she wasn't the only one who noticed it. The older Lieutenant stayed behind. His muttered _idiot_ caught her attention, but the others seemed not to notice.

She was beginning to wonder, now, just how often this sort of thing happened.

"Exciting, no." Sharon chuckled as she carried a salad to the table and set it at the center. "That was fairly par for the course, I'm afraid. Some days it's really pretty boring. Most of what we do is paperwork, especially me. Don't worry, sweetheart, I spend most of my days playing administrator."

"Oh, I'm not worried." Emily studied the table. She held a fifth place setting. Her mother handed it to her last minute, and now she was smirking as she arranged it on the table. "Well, not about you anyway. At least now I know how it is that Andy ended up more salt than pepper in his advancing age. You scare the crap out of him on a daily basis."

Sharon snorted. "Oh yes, the poor darling." She rolled her eyes and returned to the kitchen. "It's particularly horrible how he just sits around waiting for me to get into trouble, it isn't as if he isn't constantly kicking down doors and barging into dangerous situations."

Emily laughed. "Oh, but the difference is you have a very talented hair dresser."

"Thank god for that." Sharon returned with two dishes, steamed vegetables and a rice pilaf. Both were placed on the table.

Rusty stopped just inside the dining nook and stared at them. "Uh." When the two women looked at him and laughed, he shook his head. "I'm not even going to ask." Instead, he walked into the kitchen to begin taking down glasses.

"That is probably a very good idea," Sharon told him. She joined him in the kitchen, and despite the joy, the chaos of having her children there faded. This was familiar and comfortable, the two of them easily stepping around each other as she put the finishing touches on dinner and he pulled out what was needed to finish setting the table.

"He learns fast," Ricky observed. He was ensconced on the sofa with his laptop. "That's good to know. Only two days and he's got you two figured out."

"Something you haven't done in twenty-five years," Emily shot back. "So yes, points for Rusty." With the knock at the door, she moved out of Rusty's way and walked over to open it. "Don't get up or anything, little brother."

"I won't," he chirped with a grin.

"Kids." Sharon shook her head where she stood at the stove, a smile playing at her lips. She exchanged a look with Rusty and rolled her eyes. "Did I mention that my very grown children turn into twelve-year-olds when they are together?"

"I think so." He leaned against the counter, near the stove. "Something about herding cats, I think." Rusty tilted his head at her. "Worse than Flynn and Provenza?"

Sharon laughed at that. "Nothing is worse than those two."

Quiet laughter from the kitchen made Emily smile as she tugged the door open. Respect her mother's choices though she did, and accept them, she hadn't fully understood it until this visit. It had only taken a few minutes in their presence to see the bond between her mother and this boy. He was still struggling, that much was obvious, but the unconditional love flowed both ways. Emily had spotted him looking at her mother when he didn't think anyone was looking; there was such a yearning there, a need for love and acceptance. Something he was given in spades, even when he seemed uncomfortable with it all, he basked in it when he thought no one else was watching him. Emily was beginning to think that she might just adore him.

On the subject of adoration, a bright smile lit her face upon revealing their guest. Emily stepped back immediately. "Hey you." Her eyes spotted the familiar pastry box in his hand. "If those are cannolis from Marcels, I'm going to love you forever, Andy Flynn."

"Hey kid." Andy stepped past her and held out the box. "They are. I know better than to show up empty handed when you're around."

Emily practically moaned as she took the box. "You're a good man. No matter how much I'll curse you in the morning when I'm doing the extra laps."

"Good to know," he chuckled.

Ricky closed his laptop and lay it on the coffee table. "Em, you're going to share those right?"

"Nope." She smirked at him. "Get your own. Little brothers who are annoying do not get special pastry-treats." Emily held the box aloft and lifted her chin defiantly.

"What about big sisters who are pains in the butt?" Ricky unfolded his long body from the sofa and started toward her. "You know Andy didn't come just to see _you_, right? Don't horde the desserts little mouse."

"Take that back, of course he did." Emily dodged around a chair to get away from her brother as he tracked her around the living room.

"Kids." Andy rolled his eyes at them as he shrugged out of his jacket. He hung it near the door and loosened his tie. He couldn't help but grin, however. Some things never changed. His chest ached a bit, he'd missed these two and their antics. For just a moment he was transported back to another living room, with a twelve-year-old Ricky running from an enraged fifteen-year-old Emily, her diary in his hand.

They stopped. The pair looked at each other. Ricky's dark eyes were sparkling. Emily pressed her lips together to suppress a smile. As one they turned and pouted. "But Andy!"

In the kitchen, Rusty frowned. At the stove, Sharon's hand had frozen where she was stirring the glaze for the asparagus. He watched her draw a breath, and seem to shake, just a bit before her eyes closed. "Sharon?" He pushed away from the counter.

"Hm?" She blinked at him and smiled. Sharon touched his arm, "it's okay," she said in light of his concern. "Just some very old memories, and none of them exactly terrible. It's a very long story," she added.

"And none of my business," Rusty said with a wry grin. He reached for the roast, to carry to the table.

"No," Sharon said softly. "Just... a long story, and some things are just best left in the past, I think."

"Yeah," Rusty shrugged. "I get that." He decided to let Sharon have this one, and decided it must go along with that history that Emily had mentioned. Once out of the kitchen, he glanced toward the living room. "Hi, Lieutenant."

Emily giggled at the formality of it. "Oh, Rusty. That's not _Lieutenant_, that's just Andy. You're family now, you don't walk around calling mom _Captain_ do you?" She winked at him as she walked over to set the pastry box on the bar.

"No," Rusty grinned crookedly. He tossed a look at Sharon. "Not unless she wants to call me Mr. Beck."

"Oh god." Sharon snorted and started laughing. She had almost forgotten, completely, that first horribly awkward evening in her apartment with Rusty. It seemed like so very long ago now. She snickered happily, now, as she used a brush to glaze the asparagus. Then she lifted the dish and carried it to the table. "Thank you, for setting the table, Mr. Beck."

"Anytime, Captain Raydor." Rusty took the dish from her with a grin and placed it with the others.

Ricky made a face at them. "Are they always this weird," he asked Andy.

"You have no idea," The lieutenant said. He followed Sharon into the kitchen. His hands caught her waist when she turned again. He took the gravy boat out of her hands and set it on the counter nearby. He slipped his hands into her hair and tipped her head back. For just a moment, he gazed down at her. His thumbs stroked the curve of her cheek, the line of her jaw. His head lowered slowly, until his nose just barely brushed her cheek, nuzzling gently. He brushed a light kiss across her mouth, and when she leaned into him, Andy slanted his mouth over hers.

Her hands settled at his waist, then slowly slid up his sides and around to his back. A low hum sounded at the back of her throat, and when he began to pull away, she followed. A smile formed against his lips as she rose onto the balls of her feet. Her eyes opened, sparkling with amusement while she gripped his shirt and kept him against her.

Andy chuckled quietly and let his lips trail across her jaw. They were soft when they brushed her cheek, and then her forehead, and finally the tip of her nose. As he leaned back, his thumbs traced the line of her neck. He felt a tremor move through her and smiled crookedly. "Hi," he said quietly.

"Hi," she whispered back. Sharon let her head tip forward, and rested her forehead against his chest. She hummed again.

Andy kissed the top of her head and let his hands move to her shoulders. "I've been wanting to do that all day," he admitted in a low rumble.

"Hm." She lifted her head to smile at him. "I don't think you're supposed to admit that," Sharon teased.

"I'm not?" His brow lifted. "Sure about that?"

"Fairly certain, yes." Her hands moved back to his waist, to hang loosely near his belt. "Although, I haven't exactly kissed a subordinate before."

"Oh, really?" Andy pretended to think about that for a moment. "Better do it again, make sure you're doing it right."

She laughed as his head lowered, and this time curled an arm around his neck to lean into him. His lips had no more than touched hers when they heard the plaintive call from the living room.

"Hey, mom. If you're done checking out Andy's tonsils, can we eat now?"

Andy sighed. "Ricky." He cupped her head and kissed her quickly. "One of these days," he muttered.

"So you've said before," she reminded him. Eyes sparkling, Sharon stepped out of his arms. She reached for the gravy boat again and walked out of the kitchen. "Richard." She shot a glare in his direction. The grin on his face was winning him zero points, as far as she was concerned. "Having reached the age of adulthood, I do expect you to exhibit some amount of maturity."

"I know." He flashed a crooked grin at her. "Oh come on, mom. You didn't think I was going to let that one go, did you?"

Sharon set the dish in her hand with the others and moved around the table. "Hmm." She slanted a final look at him before shaking her head. She waved them all to the table, an indication that dinner was ready. When Ricky passed her, she tapped his arm with the back of her hand. "Rotten child."

"Yeah." He continued to grin, but stooped to press a kiss to her cheek. "That's why I'm the favorite."

"What?" Rusty moved to his usual seat. "In no way are _you_ the favorite. I thought the youngest was supposed to be the favorite by default. It's the _Rule_."

"You're so amusing," Ricky decided. He dropped into the seat at the end of the table, beside Rusty, allowing his mother and Andy to sit beside each other and putting Emily on Rusty's other side. "No, being the youngest only gives you the distinction of having been born last."

"Ah," Rusty pointed at him. "But we've already established that having been born before I was makes you not special, just old. Thereby, default, it's me. Thank you."

"No, no, no, no, no," Emily cut in, looking between both of them. "You're both missing the very important fact of gender. Only girl, thereby, it's mine."

"That just makes you a sister," They both said.

As the children began to bicker, more in depth, on the logic and reasoning of who should or should not be the favorite child, Andy leaned closer to Sharon beside him. "You wanted them to get along," he said in a quiet voice.

She watched them for a moment. Emily was winding them up and then smoothing it out again with the practiced ease of having always been the oldest. She was feeling Rusty out, learning how far she could press and tease, and then trying to draw him beyond those limits. Ricky was gesturing wildly as he spoke, engaging his sister in the way that was second nature to both of them. Then there was Rusty, he sat between them, and Sharon tilted her head as she studied him more closely. His eyes were sparkling as he argued his point to both of them, alternating between taking sides as it suited his cause. He laughed, and she realized that he hadn't looked quite so carefree and light in weeks. The only exception being his graduation party.

Sharon glanced up at the man seated beside her. "I'll take it," she murmured. His fingers brushed hers and she smiled. "It is _exactly_ what I wanted." Her children, the _three_ of them, under one roof and finding common round with each other, with the man she loved beside her.

That realization made her mouth go dry, and her breath catch. Sharon reached for her water glass and if her hand shook a bit, she pretended not to notice. She covered by feigning a laugh as Emily joined Rusty in his argument and Ricky was forced to concede defeat. Just how long, exactly, she wondered, had that been true? When had the _maybe_ that she had given the kids as an answer become _definitely_. Or had that always been true? Just when had she started thinking of her family unit as including Andy too?

It still bore thinking about, well after dinner. Ricky and Rusty made quick work of cleaning up the kitchen and dishes, while Emily and Andy compared notes about New York and New Jersey. While everyone else was occupied, Sharon took the opportunity to slip out onto the balcony. It was there that Andy found her. She jumped when he touched her arm. Her gaze had been on the city, she hadn't heard him join her.

"Hey." His hand slid down her arm before dropping away completely. Andy leaned against the rail beside her. "You okay?" She had gotten quiet during dinner, and while he could see that she tried to join the varying conversations her children kept going, it was forced at best. Her mind just wasn't in it.

"Mmhm." She looked up at him, and then smiled at the genuine concern. "Just… needed some air. Long few days," Sharon said, dodging the subject for now. She turned and placed her back against the balcony railing. "Emily was telling me while we made dinner that she and the boys are going out tonight. They're talking Rusty out to Santa Monica. Surprisingly, he's never been. Not at night, anyway. He'll like that."

"Yeah," Andy leaned against the rail beside her, clasped his hands in front of him. "Kid's come a long way. They'll be good for him. Rick's doing a lot better. Em…" He trailed off with a chuckle. "She's still something else, but she's grown up on us."

_Us_. Sharon drew a breath. Her jaw clenched for just a moment, and then she let it go. She forced herself to relax. What had she done? She was not a woman that was often prone to bouts of regret or second guessing her actions. Typically, when she made a decision, she weighed the odds carefully and then she stuck to it.

The heart was a rather funny thing, however. It went places the mind may not desire to go, and right now hers was aching. What had she given up for the sake of doing the right thing? Sharon didn't often think back on it. It was what it was, and there was nothing to be done for it. Perhaps, she reasoned, it was having both of them home. Emily and Ricky. They knew all too well about that past, they'd lived in it with her.

How often had Andy been in and out of their lives over the years? First as Jack's friend, and then as hers, and then as something else entirely. They tried to be friends again, after Jack moved back in the first time, but it didn't work. _That_ never worked. They'd had a period of being hardly acquaintances, and then… after she'd taken Jack back a second time, and he'd left her, _again_, a bitterness seemed to settle over both of them. At least until age had tempered them and their jobs had closed the proximity between them.

She exhaled quietly. The past could not be changed. Once written, it could only be learned from. This was something she knew only too well. Sharon tilted her head and gazed up at him. "She did," Sharon said. "It feels like only yesterday I was fighting with her about the length of her skirt or the shade of her lipstick. Now she's pushing thirty, and I cannot tell you how old that makes me feel."

"Nah." He bumped his shoulder against hers. "Not you." Andy grinned down at her. "I should get out of here."

When he straightened and pushed away from the rail, she caught his sleeve. "You don't have to go," she said softly. "The kids are going out…"

"More reason to get out of your hair." His hand curled around her wrist and he tugged her closer. "I'm sure you wouldn't mind the peace and quiet."

"They'll be home late." Sharon chose to ignore him. "Andy…" Her breath hitched. "You could stay."

He opened his mouth to respond, but something in her eyes stopped him. His brows drew together as he gazed down at her. His jaw clenched while the hands, which had moved to her waist, pulled her closer. "_Sharon._"

The way that he said her name, a strangled plea, tinged with surprise sent a tremor down her spine. The breeze caught and lifted her away from her face, and Sharon tipped it toward him. His arms closed around her, and she settled comfortably against him. She tucked her head against his neck and just stood there, the sensation of simply being held more than enough. She inhaled deeply, and let it out slowly. "_Andy_," she whispered, and lifted her head to look up at him. "Stay…"


	6. Chapter 6

Try to Love Again - Chapter 6

by Kadi

Rated T

Disclaimer: It isn't my sandbox. I simply visit it from time to time.

* * *

Light was already creeping through the windows. The gray and blue hues of early morning glowed through the drapes in Sharon's room. They had been up for more than an hour, since well before the light began to burn across the sky. They hadn't slept much at all, not that Andy found he had an issue with that. Much of it was spent talking, surprisingly. Not that it was the only way they'd spent the evening, Andy reflected, as his hand moved up her back. His fingers trailed a path along her spine, dancing over bare skin. She lay on her stomach, arms tucked beneath her pillow as she lay facing him.

Andy watched a smile form as he caught a lock of hair and pulled it away from her face. It fell in thick, wild waves, a result of having let it dry naturally after they'd showered the night before. His hand slipped beneath the thick curtain of hair, and his thumb traced the line of her neck. Andy glanced toward the window, and then the clock beside the bed. He sighed quietly. "I should go." He needed to slip past a sleeping Ricky and Rusty in the living room, then go back to his own place and get ready for the day.

"I know." Sharon pushed up onto her elbows and leaned toward him. "That doesn't mean that I have to like it." She tipped her face to his and their lips met, briefly at first, and then in a far more lingering caress.

He slipped a hand into her hair, the other he curled around her waist. Andy rolled her onto her back and settled over her. He cupped her head in both hands, thumbs gentle as they stroked the curve of each cheek, while his fingers loosely combed through soft strands of dark hair. "Mmhm." He nuzzled playfully at her lips, her cheek. "I can't be late," he rumbled. "Issue with the boss. Real hard ass for the rules."

"Oh dear," she murmured. Sharon settled beneath him, her eyes sparkled as she drew her right leg up the side of his body, allowing her foot to playfully stroke the back of his thigh. "Sounds horrible. Well, we wouldn't want you to get in trouble with the hard ass." She let her hands fall away from his shoulders, even while he kissed her again.

"No." Andy groaned when she moved against him. "Witch." He pushed away from her, although it took a great deal of effort, and slipped off the bed. He glanced back at her teasing smile as he began gathering his clothes from where they'd been dropped the previous evening.

Sharon laughed quietly as she sat up. She reached for the sheet and pulled it around her torso. She swept her hair back from her face and over her shoulder. His shirt was hopelessly wrinkled and it took both of them and finally turning on a lamp to find his tie. When he sat on the edge of the bed to pull on shoes and socks, she moved to lean against his back. She lay her hands against his shoulders while her face nuzzled into his neck. "They've only been home for two hours, the boys should still be out cold. You could set a nuclear bomb off beside him, and Rusty won't move. Ricky is just as bad."

It was the only thing that she had worried about, in asking him to stay with her. The kids had gone out the previous evening, but she had known they would eventually be home again. Rusty had given up his room to Emily, while the boys were camping out in the living room. It was only for a few more days, so it was hardly that crowded. Still, she and Andy had gone to great lengths to remove any trace of him from the outer rooms. Even if her children did know, or suspect, that he hadn't left… there was still a part of her that felt awkward at conducting a relationship with a man that was not their father, in front of them.

"Yeah." Andy craned his head back and kissed her. "It'll be fine. Stop worrying about it." She was more worried about what her children thought of _them,_ than she was that things would now be awkward at work. It was so completely like her that he almost laughed. Andy stood up and tucked his tie into the pocket of his jacket. He moved to her dresser and took his gun and badge from the surface. After both were clipped onto his belt, he found his phone on the table beside her bed. Once everything was gathered, Andy walked over and stood beside the bed, when she rose onto her knees in front of him, he cupped her face again. "See you in a couple of hours?"

"Yes." Her hands circled his wrists. A smile curved her lips. "Hard ass, heels, and all." When he bent to kiss her, she hummed against his mouth. "Go," she muttered. "Or we'll both be late."

"Yes ma'am." A final, reluctant kiss, and he drew away from her. "I'll bring breakfast," he promised.

"I'll bring the coffee." It was going to be a long day, but she had no regrets. Sharon sank back on the bed, hands clasped in her lap. "Wear something blue."

Andy glanced back at her laughing eyes. He shook his head. Provenza got weird about it when they matched. Most of the time, it really was a coincidence. But there were moments, like this one, that it was given provocation. She got such a thrill at screwing with his partner, sometimes more of one than he did. "You're just not right," Andy drawled. They both knew that he would do it.

She laughed quietly as he slipped out of her bedroom. Sharon moved from her bed and took the sheet with her. She shuffled toward the door and waited, listening. She heard the front door open and close again, and then the apartment was completely silent. Satisfied that he'd made it past her boys alright, she set about getting ready for the day.

**MCMCMCMCMCMC**

By mid-morning, Lieutenant Provenza decided that his partner was entirely too cheerful. He glowered darkly at him where he sat at his desk, wrapping up final case files and reports. He couldn't put his finger on it, but from the moment that he swept into the Murder Room with breakfast, something was just… _not right_. Then, as if he wasn't already suspicious enough, the Captain arrived. With coffee. Then they had done that thing. That… _looking at each other_ thing. The Lieutenant felt his mood sour almost immediately.

There was nothing overtly out of the ordinary about the day. He knew they went out, _as friends,_ to dinner and stuff. There were lunches, and once in a while there was even breakfast. It wasn't entirely unusual for them to coordinate bringing in something like food for the rest of the team. What was unusual was the sudden change in vibe. Typically, their eyes lingered a little too long, one of them smiled a little too much. Today… that was absent. That was it!

Provenza leaned back in his seat. He resisted the urge to slap his hand against his desk. They weren't acting like a couple of twitterpated fools! That was what had changed. Today they simply greeted one another like _normal people_ were supposed to do. The Captain took her coffee and breakfast into her office, and Flynn sat down behind his desk to get to work. He traded jokes and barbs with the others, even told Sykes a story involving Buzz and the old _El Buzzo_ mobile. When the Captain swept through not long ago, in search of a coffee refill, his eyes hadn't followed her as they normally did. He glanced at her, when she left the office. Again on the return trip, and Provenza would almost put money on it that she smiled at him.

That was all. That was the end of it. They weren't _mooning_ over each other anymore. That meant something had changed.

Provenza pushed up from his desk. "Flynn!"

The man in question jumped. He was accustomed to being bellowed at by his partner, but usually he did something to provoke it first. Andy tried to think back, and no, he was pretty sure he'd been working most of the morning. He leaned back in his chair and cast a puzzled look at him. "What?"

"You." Provenza pointed a finger at him. "With me, _now_!" He pointed down the hall in the direction of the break room. "Right now, let's go."

Andy rolled his eyes as he unfolded from behind his desk. If he weren't needing a coffee refill, he wouldn't bother. "Have you bumped your head? What is up with you today. You're grumpier than usual."

"Just shut up and get on with it." Provenza marched down the hall ahead of him.

Andy glanced at Sanchez, who shrugged. Whatever was going on with his partner, no one else seemed to understand it either. Andy sighed as he followed him. He walked into the break room and moved to the coffee maker. It was empty. He sighed as he began setting it up for a new pot. "What?"

"You!" Provenza pointed at him. As he stood there, shaking his finger, his face slowly reddened. "Have you _completely_ lost what marbles you had left? We talked about this. She is the _Captain_ for crying out loud."

"What did I do?" Andy held his hands up while he waited for a new pot to brew. "I'm going to start to worry about these things that you're imagining," he added, while shaking his head. There was no way, absolutely none, that his partner could _know_ about the previous evening.

"You're _sleeping _with her, you lunatic!" Provenza threw his hands up in disgust. "Of all the stupid, hair-brained, completely idiotic things that you have done over the years, this one… oh yes, _this one_ really takes the cake."

"Keep your voice down!" Andy straightened immediately. He took a step forward. Gone was his mild annoyance and curiosity. His eyes darkened. It was his turn to point. "Whatever you think is going on, whatever issue that you have with it," he said slowly, seriously, "whatever issue that you have with _her_, she's never done anything to deserve you walking around talking about her like that. Not even to me."

The other man staggered, almost bowled over by the sudden realization that his partner had moved beyond simple attraction and infatuation. "You're in love with her." He hadn't known Flynn to get serious about a woman, not really. He could probably count them on one hand. Over the years, his partner had always played it loose and fast, from even before they were partners. There was one, he knew, from back long before Flynn had left Robbery Homicide to join the rest of them at Priority Homicide, later Major Crimes. At least, everyone suspected it was a woman. All they knew was that Flynn became a real surly bastard for a while, unlike his usual sunshine and roses personality. Some even suspected it was the ex-wife, no one knew for sure.

"We're finished talking about this." Andy turned back to the coffee maker. He reached for the carafe, knowing it would stop percolating once removed and filled his cup. After he replaced it, he walked toward the door. "It's not open for discussion, especially not here. But you know, all the rest aside," Andy paused, hand resting on the doorknob. He cast a final, pointed look back at his partner. "It's none of your business. The Captain's personal life, it's got nothing to do with you. You don't have to approve."

Provenza recovered his stunned silence long enough to snort at him. "I see you aren't making the distinction that it has nothing to do with _you_. I'm telling you, Flynn. It's a bad idea. These things never work, and when they blow up - and they _always_ blow up - it's going to screw up everything around here for all of us. Have you thought of that?"

His hand clenched around the doorknob. "Yeah, maybe. Here's the thing. It's not an issue, because it's been working. You just didn't know it." Andy pushed out of the room and let the door close behind him. He walked back to his desk and sat down. He was still for a moment before he reached for his phone. He pulled it out of his jacket and sent a text to Sharon, who he could see buried beneath a pile of reports at her desk. _I owe you dinner. You were right, he figured it out before lunch_.

Andy counted a few beats, then cast a look behind him, at Sharon's office. She had her phone in her hand. When she looked up, he rolled his eyes. He watched as she cast a concerned look in the direction of the Lieutenant's empty desk. Andy gave a slight, hardly noticeable shrug. He'd get over it, or he wouldn't. As important as his partner and that friendship was to him, he wasn't giving her up. Not again.

Sharon tilted her head at him. She smiled gently and let her attention shift back to her phone. She considered her words carefully before sending the return text. _He__'__ll come around, he usually does. Eventually_.

She didn't want to come between them, truthfully. She really thought that once he saw they could handle this, separating their two relationships, work and personal, that he would if not support, at least respect the personal. Unless it was some issue that he had with _her_, although Sharon honestly believed they'd moved beyond that. She tapped her pen against her desk for a moment and sighed quietly. They could handle this. That was something that she truly believed. Yes, she worried they'd make mistakes along the way, that was only human. For two years, however, they'd managed to separate being friends from being a Captain and subordinate Lieutenant. It could work, as long as both of them were willing to put in the effort, and so far it seemed that they were.

Sharon exhaled quietly and let her attention move back to her work. It wouldn't get done if she spent her day thinking about the personal relationship she had with her Lieutenant… which was a direct violation of the thoughts she just entertained. Sharon shook her head at herself, she was going to end up thinking in circles if she wasn't careful, a side effect of having lost so much sleep the previous night. Not that she regretted it, although thinking about _that_ was also a direct violation, and so she forced herself to delve back into the wonderful world of being an administrator. She had her team's reports to sign off on.

Andy decided he had to give Sharon points for her optimism. He wasn't entirely sure that he agreed. Provenza could hold a grudge like no one else he knew, and when he thought that he was right… good luck changing his mind. Andy dropped his phone onto his desk and leaned back in his chair with a sigh. He considered his computer and the work in front of him. He drummed his fingers against his desk. After another moment, he pushed forward again. The sad fact was, sitting around wouldn't get it done. It was just another of those times he wished their job didn't involve so much damned paperwork.

After his partner left, Provenza was left standing alone in the break room. He shook his head slowly while he tried to figure out, just what, exactly had happened. This was not the conversation that he imagined. Flynn was meant to realize the stupidity of his ways and, at least temporarily, knock it off. It usually worked. At least for a week. Once, last Easter, it had lasted for two. He wasn't supposed to be _in love_ with her. That was… not part of the arrangement.

"Huh." Provenza rubbed a hand over his head. What the hell was going on around here? Had they both completely lost their minds? Fools, he thought. They were both fools. _Lovesick _fools at that! He should have known this would happen. They were doing it to spite him. Yes, that had to be it. He nodded once and showed himself out of the break room. Spite, that's what it was. They were purposefully trying to drive him crazy. That could be the only explanation. Otherwise, why would two reasonably sensible people do something so completely stupid. Well, he thought, the Captain was reasonably sensible, Flynn on the other hand…

Lieutenant Provenza returned to his desk and reclaimed his seat. As he did, he quickly cast his gaze around the Murder Room. Flynn was back at his own desk, once again absorbed in the files open on its surface, and the report he was writing. A glance into the Captain's office showed her in much the same state she had been in before, shifting through her own stack of paperwork. Neither showed any signs that anything had happened, or that they were the least concerned by it. Yes, he thought again. They were trying to drive him mad. It might seem fine now, but it would change. It _always_ changed. Relationships of this kind were iffy within the department at large, within the same division? Well, there was a reason that there were rules about that sort of thing, and he wasn't one to want to tout _the rules_, but in this case… he was always willing to make an exception. She would have to report it, probably already had if he knew the rule loving hall monitor.

He winced at that thought. If the Captain had already reported it, then the relationship was already a ticking time bomb. It would go off at any time. Either they were going to screw it up, and that was usually how it happened. Or, Taylor was going to use it against them, and likely as not, against all of them.

Yes, he thought. It was official. They were all screwed.

Granted, there was a small percentage of cases where something like this was successful. Provenza had to acknowledge that. Thing was, he didn't think that _these two_ were in that percentage. He just didn't think they were capable of it. They were just too different. Sooner or later, he figured that Flynn wouldn't be able to tow the line that he was sure the Captain was laying down for him. Then his temper would get him in trouble. Once that happened, well, it would be a matter of time before it was over. Once it was over… they'd all pay the price.

Provenza sighed. It bore watching, he decided. He'd have to keep an eye out for the signs. Lessen the collateral damage in some way. If he didn't end up in a padded room first, that was.

**MCMCMCMCMCMC**

Andy was waiting for Sharon in the parking garage of her building when she arrived home that evening. His car was pulled into the vacant spot that was usually occupied by Rusty's car. Andy was leaning against the side of it when Sharon's silver sedan pulled into the spot beside it. He pushed away from his car and opened her door for her.

"I thought you weren't coming by tonight?" Sharon smiled as she unfolded from the car. She pulled her purse over her shoulder and stepped aside so he could push the door closed.

"I'm not, technically speaking." Andy reached for her. He pressed her back against the side of her car, his hands at her hips. "Just needed to do something first…" His head bent and he caught her lips in a slow, languid kiss.

She curled an arm around his neck and melted into him. It lasted only a moment, long enough for the flame to spark, but not nearly long enough for the fire to erupt. When he leaned back, her eyes blinked open. "Let me guess," she said thickly, "you've been waiting all day to do that." Her hands gripped his shoulders, while she continued to lean against him. "It's an awfully long way for you to drive just for a hug." He lived on the other side of town, nearer the beach.

"I love how you can read my mind," he teased. Andy's hands slid to her waist and his arms slid loosely around her. "Holding you isn't a hardship." He pressed another soft kiss to her lips. "But I'll get out of here before the kids get back."

Sharon smiled up at him. Her hand cupped his cheek, for just a moment, before he pulled away. She was spending the evening with her children, dinner and a movie, just the family. It was going to be Rusty's first real family gathering, otherwise she would have invited Andy. She loved him all the more for understanding why she hadn't, for insisting before she could deny him the invitation that she spend time with her kids while they were in town. He promised her time for them over the weekend, after the kids left on Friday. She was going to hold him to that.

Her hands slid down his arms. "Did you speak to Lieutenant Provenza again?" She asked, touching on the subject they had not been able to broach before now.

"No." Andy sighed. A frown drew his brows together. "Honestly, Sharon. It's probably better at this point if I don't. Until he wraps his head around it, he's probably going to say something that's going to make me pop him in the mouth. I know him, he's not going to want to talk about it now. He doesn't want to know the details. He just wants it to go away, and that's not happening."

She sighed quietly. Her hands stroked his arms. He was caught in a difficult position. "I'm sorry," not for loving him, they'd already discussed that, but for the fact that she was now a factor that was making something which should be easy… difficult for him. "Would it be better if I—"

"No." Andy chuckled. He imagined the look on his partner's face if Sharon tried to discuss their relationship with him. It was comical, at best. "I think you were right last night. Unless he comes at you with it, don't acknowledge it. If you bring it up, then you're the one bringing it in the work place, and everything else that you said last night that made sense when _you_ said it." Andy grinned at her. She had rules, of course, for defining this. They weren't hard rules to obey, he was selfish enough to admit that he didn't want to share her with the team. She had to report it, and if he knew Sharon, had done that almost first thing. Unless an issue was made of it, they wouldn't discuss _that _again either. Which was fine by him. Andy didn't want to talk about Taylor unless he had to.

Sharon rolled her eyes at him. "Surprisingly enough, you can be reasonable when properly motivated, Andy Flynn."

"Yeah." He grinned crookedly at her. "But if you let that get out, people are going to want to know what you did to motivate me." His brows waggled. "And I cannot tell a lie, Captain."

"No." She poked his chest. "_She_ is not here." Her lips pursed. "Although…"

"If the idea you're having in any way involves your desk—"

"_Andy_!" Sharon pushed him away from her. While her cheeks flushed a bright shade of pink, she maneuvered him across the narrow space between their cars. "Okay, it's time for you to go." She was prodding him back to the drivers side. "Before you get yourself into trouble."

"Trouble is what I do best," he reminded her with a smirk. He opened his car door, but looped an arm around her waist again. Andy pulled her close, but kissed her lightly. "Dinner Friday?" Both Ricky and Emily were getting on planes in the afternoon, but she would be free in the evening.

"Hm." Sharon nodded. "Work permitting."

"Good." He drew away slowly and slid into the car.

Sharon stepped back. She waited for him to pull out of the space and watched as his car disappeared around the bend at the end of the garage lane. As she stepped inside her building, her phone buzzed. Sharon pulled it out.

_Bring a bag, but be ready to spend Saturday in bed._

She laughed out loud. Her cheeks flushed again and tremor went through her. Sharon's lips pursed. If she knew Andy, he'd had that ready to send before she even pulled into the garage. What was she going to do with him? It was a question she found herself asking several times a day, and somehow, surprisingly, while the answer always varied she never grew tired of any of it. He really could be exasperating… but in the best possible way. She drew a breath and let it out slowly. "That man."


	7. Chapter 7

Try to Love Again - Chapter 7

by Kadi

Rated T

Disclaimer: It isn't my sandbox. I simply visit it from time to time.

* * *

By that Friday, Flynn found that his partner was no longer ignoring him. Whatever his opinion on the relationship between the Lieutenant and Captain, Provenza was keeping it more or less to himself now that it appeared to be official. The pair were back to sniping at one another in their usual, mostly, good natured manner. The one thing that Flynn had not anticipated or imagined happening was that he would get called into Taylor's office.

Sharon was absent, she had spent the morning in her office, but was taking much accrued personal time in the afternoon to see her children off at the airport as they returned to their respective homes.

Taylor didn't typically call individual members of Sharon's team on the carpet when she wasn't present, not unless he felt it necessary. He usually dealt directly with the Captain, or with Provenza in her absence. There had been the instance in which he had taken Julio aside several weeks before, to caution him on the effects of his temper and losing it in front of witnesses and suspects. Still, when it came to him, Andy dealt with Taylor as little as possible. That was his preference, and had been, since the time the guy threw him under a bus and tried to stick a knife in his back at the same time, metaphorically speaking of course.

The worst part of it all was that they had actually been friends once upon a time. Andy expected that there were those people who would screw you over if given half a chance. It was just the nature of the human beast. Greed and ambition got the best of some people. What he didn't exactly was that it would come from the small arena of people that he chose to call friend. Which was exactly what happened with Taylor. That was why he hadn't forgiven him for it yet, and likely never would.

The man was a snake. That was something that could never be forgotten. An ambitious snake at that. Sometimes Flynn felt that Taylor would steamroll over his own mother if it would get him ahead. That was exactly the thought that he kept in mind when he reported to the man's office on Friday afternoon.

Taylor looked up when the Lieutenant entered. "Have a seat." He didn't bother rising from his own chair, and instead, waved Flynn to one of the empty chairs in front of his desk. He waited until he was seated before peering at him over his glasses. Taylor leaned back in his chair and steepled his fingers together. "I had an interesting report."

Flynn sighed. Here they went. But when he tried to think back to which dirtbag he could have pissed off enough, this time, to file a complaint, he came up empty. Although it would make sense why Taylor was coming to him direct. It got a little awkward when they had to deal with FID now that Sharon was no longer a part of it, but one of them instead. "Yeah?" He kept his expression carefully neutral. "Maybe you don't have enough to do then if all you've got to read is a report on me. Honestly, Chief, I can't think of a single person I've managed to piss off lately." Except, maybe his partner, but that was between the two of them.

"It was not that kind of report." Taylor tilted his head and watched him. "Although I admit, your restraint has been admirable. No, I was talking about the report that your Captain turned in, regarding a change in relationship status with a subordinate officer." It was a surprise. He never would have expected it of Captain Raydor. She was always so _by the book_, but at the same time, he had to acknowledge that there weren't any hard and fast rules against it, so long as it was reported and the situation could be monitored. She had done that much. Taylor reached out and tapped the report, which was open on his desk. "Before I file it and it becomes a matter of record, are you sure this is something you want to do?"

His brows drew together in a puzzled frown. "Why are you asking _me _that?" Andy shook his head. "If you've got an issue with it, shouldn't you be talking to the Captain?"

"I already have." Taylor sat forward and clasped his hands together against the top of his desk. "Now I'm asking you. Look, Andy," he said, specifying the man's name. "What I'm asking is if you're sure you want to get tangled up with her again? Last time didn't end so well, as far as I remember."

There they had it. Andy sighed. The problem with having friends stab you in the back and _stop_ being friends, is that they often had inside information you wished they didn't. Taylor was now a perfect example. He knew about the history with Sharon, a good chunk of it anyway. "All do respect, Chief," Andy stressed his title when he responded, dark eyes hooded. "I don't think that's any of your business."

Flynn really could be a stubborn ass when he wanted to be, Taylor reflected. "Look, let me level it out for you. It didn't work out the first time. If it doesn't work out this time..." There was only so far that he could push, Taylor knew. He watched the other man, and when the jaw twitched and the eyes began to darken, he knew that he was getting very close to crossing a line that would have Flynn's temper escaping his restraint. "All I'm saying is," he said more carefully, "is that I remember what happened the last time."

The Lieutenant's eyes narrowed. "Are we on the record here?" His hands, which were clenched tightly around the arms of his chair, were itching to fold into fists. Sharon would be mortified if she knew they were sitting here discussing this, and more than that, the details of his relationship with her were none of the snake's business. Not so long as they weren't crossing any lines, and he knew they weren't, hadn't, and wouldn't. Sharon wouldn't allow it, for one, but he wasn't going to risk screwing this up. Not for either of them.

Taylor's head tilted. He gestured with a hand. "No, no we're not on the record. Speak freely."

Instead, Andy pushed out of his chair. He leaned over the desk. "This conversation isn't gonna happen," he said slowly. "You and me, we ain't friends. That stopped when you stuck your knife into my back over Croelick. As far as _Sharon_ is concerned, thank you for your concern, _Chief_, but we're doing just fine." Andy straightened. "If that's all, I'd like to get back to work now."

The Chief leaned back in his seat and sighed. "Yeah, go on." He held up a finger. "Just know, _on the record_, I'll be watching both of you."

"Now that," Andy fired back with a half sneer, "I actually believe."

Andy left then, without sparing him a backward glance. He walked down the long hall. The urge to hit something was a strong one. He stepped into the empty break room instead. Once the door was closed behind him he expelled the breath he'd been holding. "Son of a bitch!" He knocked one of the light, plastic and metal chairs across the room and watched it slide until it tipped over. It clattered to a stop against the counter. His hands moved to his hips while he paced the room. He had hardly managed to expend all the frustration that little _meeting_ had provoked, but it was a start.

Now he needed to decide if he was going to tell Sharon about it or not. Andy finally decided on _not_. It wasn't an official inquiry, and there was no reason to rehash the past or why Taylor would know about it. Of course, with the memory she had, he wouldn't be surprised if she recalled that back then his circle of friends had included the former Robbery Homicide Captain. No, Andy thought again. He wouldn't tell her. There was no good to come of it. It would only embarrass and worry her. Andy would keep this one to himself, and then forget about it, which was all that it really deserved in the end.

When he felt like he had his temper suitably under control, Flynn made his way back to the Murder Room. He dropped into the chair behind his desk, but not without glancing at the Captain's empty office. It was second nature by now, even when he knew she wouldn't be there.

"Where the hell have you been?" Provenza glowered at him.

"Taylor." Flynn slanted a look at him, then rolled his eyes. "Had questions about a case I worked, an old one. Nothing important."

Provenza nodded slowly. That figured. Taylor couldn't read between the lines of a case file if it was color coordinated with diagrams. "Well get back to work." He shook his pencil at him. "No one leaves here until those reports are finished."

Andy shot a pointed look at him. His partner was already working on his second crossword. "Really?" He asked blandly. "What do you call that?"

"Supervising." He smirked. "Mine have been finished for..." He glanced at his watch, "three hours now. You could learn a thing or two about not procrastinating."

"Or delegating all your work to other people so there isn't much to write about," Sanchez muttered under his breath.

"Indeed," Tao glanced at them from his desk.

Provenza simply smirked and leaned back in his seat. "There are advantages to age boys and girls."

"Yeah?" Flynn tilted his head at him. "I didn't think Medicare paid as much as it used to."

"You'll be finding out for yourself soon enough," His partner shot back, non-plussed. Flynn wasn't _that_ far behind him, after all.

"Must be nice," Amy chirped. She shared a look with Julio and grinned. "Being old enough for senior discounts. I bet the Lieutenants could tell us all the best places to eat and shop once we reach their ages."

Julio snickered quietly. "Like who has the best early bird special."

"Hey!" Both men scowled at them.

"Alright, that's enough," Provenza waved his crossword at them. "Everyone back to work."

"I never understood that," Buzz said. "Why do they call it the _early bird_ special. Why not just call it the _old coot_ special..."

The next half hour was lost on laughter and light-hearted bickering as the discussion of age continued.

By the time he left headquarters that evening, Andy was feeling better about the situation. That was until the inevitable happened. The team was leaving the building, via the lobby, when it was decided that they would head over to O'Malleys to celebrate the successful end to their case. Sanchez and Buzz were on board, Tao wavered before giving in. Sykes had already gone ahead of the others, she had a date planned with Cooper.

"Yeah, Flynn, we'll get a steak, a beer…" Provenza smirked at him. "Okay, _we _will get a steak, and a beer. _You_ will watch us have fun, and it will be just like old times!"

"You're right," Andy nodded slowly as they walked across the courtyard. "You should definitely go do that. I am going home." He doubted he had enough time to swing by the market and get home in time to shower before Sharon was supposed to show up.

"What?" Sanchez tossed a puzzled look at him. He shook his head. "Come on, Lieutenant. We used to always head over to O'Malleys after closing a case. It's been a long time since we did that. You should join us."

"Lieutenant, you don't have to be the designated driver," Buzz immediately offered. He figured it couldn't be that entertaining, to watch everyone become intoxicated and then be automatically expected to get them home because he didn't drink. "I can make sure that the Lieutenant and anyone else makes it home safely."

Andy sighed at the hopeful looks on the two younger men's faces. "Look, guys…" He ran a hand over his forehead and gestured with his other hand. "Normally, I would, but not this time. I appreciate it, I do," he said, looking at Buzz. "I don't mind being the driver." He grinned crookedly. It was something he was used to, especially with Provenza. "I just… have something else going on tonight."

"Hot date." Tao smirked at him.

"You're holding out on us?" Sanchez shook his head. "Lieutenant, I'm hurt. She have a sister?"

"Oh. _God_." Provenza wanted to shudder. He gave in to the feeling. "I should have known." He shot a look of disgust at his partner. "This is how it starts…"

"Cheer up, Lieutenant." Sanchez was grinning. "Maybe she has _two_ sisters!"

"Or a friend," Buzz suggested, trying to be helpful.

"I don't think so," Andy chuckled at them. "Her sister is married, and I'm not sure you would want to date her friends…" Considering most of them were standing right there, and the others, well, Gavin Baker came to mind. Andy stepped around them. "Have fun guys, I'll see you Monday…" If not before, went without saying.

Provenza watched him go. His face screwed up and he shuddered again. "If ever I needed a drink," he muttered to the others, "it was now. Let's go." He was just thankful that no one suggested inviting Flynn's _date_ along.

The Lieutenant attempted to enjoy himself for the remainder of the evening. It was difficult to do when there was a cloud hanging in the distance. There were advantages to having been around as long as he had, but there were also some things that he wished he didn't know. That relationships among colleagues was a bad idea, for one thing.

He wasn't a completely heartless man. He would like to see his partner be happy. In this case, it just simply was _not_ going to happen. Provenza couldn't even say that he had anything against his partner's choice in lady friend, she was an attractive woman, and when separated from the department, they had all seen that she was funny, a good mother, and of course intelligent went without saying. What she saw in Flynn he would never understand, but Provenza didn't want to. He didn't _need_ to. The writing was on the wall. Unfortunately, he was the only one capable of seeing it.

Disagreements would lead to tension. Then, no matter how hard the pair of them attempted to keep it out of the Murder Room, it would eventually follow them to work. The cohesion of the team would begin to break down as, eventually, people would take sides. Then, if they broke up, oh god help them if they actually broke up. Someone would have to transfer. It was entirely unlikely that it would be The Captain. No, that was obvious too. Flynn would be out, moved back to Robbery Homicide, or another location entirely. That was _if_ they even allowed him to transfer. More likely as not, at his age, it would be retirement.

Provenza could not understand how they hadn't thought of these things? Flynn might be a joker, but he wasn't an idiot. He was a decently intelligent guy, and he had been on the force long enough to know all this too! The part of it all that Provenza found most astonishing was that The Captain seemed to be so oblivious to all of the facts stacked against her currently. He had known that woman a long time, he might be _old_ but he could clearly recall the very first time she busted his chops to some training class or another, back when she was a nobody sergeant and still wet behind her FID ears.

He could remember with absolute clarity the flash in her eyes when he'd told her that she was being too nice. That if she planned to make it in this business as one of the rat squad, then she needed to grow some stones. She was new to FID, and of course he did some checking around. He wasn't going to have _his_ stones busted by some pipsqueak little sergeant without finding out who she was and where she came from. It wasn't hard to uncover the facts about the little brunette with the fire in her eyes. And okay, yes, he would admit it, for about five seconds he had been _interested_. That was before his research revealed the fact that she was married, pregnant, and transferred to FID from Vice because it was the only division with an opening at present.

Oh yes, Provenza knew all about it. She already had the one kid, the little dancing ballerina, and the other on the way. Despite the _official_ story that ended up circulating over the years, especially after she moved up the ranks and took over FID, that she wanted to advance quickly and it was the best way… he remembered the truth. She was just a kid, with a husband that drank too much and laughed too loudly at his own jokes. The LAPD might be a very large department, but there were some corners of it that were very tight knit. People just happened to learn things about others, even when they didn't want to.

So he knew, quite well, that she was a smart lady that was perfectly capable of taking care of herself. So why the hell was she trying to screw it all up now? Provenza was beginning to wonder if this was some sort of odd, shared, mid-life crisis that the two of them were attempting to sweep everyone else into. He was too damned old for that. So were they, when he really thought about it. Both of them had seen the best part of fifty and were sliding closer to the other end.

That was possibly the craziest part. They _both_ knew better. They just seemed intent to not _do_ better. That made it more difficult on those that could see the disaster that was coming and couldn't stop it.

Those thoughts were still invading Provenza's thoughts, well into Saturday. It managed to put him in a less cheerful mood than usual, something which made him want to smack Flynn around a little more than he typically did. Grocery shopping was something that he usually enjoyed. Yes, that was somewhat odd, but coming down to the large Whole Foods place wasn't something he minded. It was one of the few chores he hadn't minded during his marriages.

Provenza trudged through the place, his basket on his arm and grumbled when someone stepped in front of him. If he weren't busy thinking about how much he now dreaded having to go _back_ to work and face the dunderheads in love, he probably wouldn't have cared. But here he was, and they'd managed to even ruin his Saturday. Provenza was thinking that maybe he would have to respond in kind.

It was an interesting thought. If he could make their Monday as crappy as they were making his Saturday, provided of course none of them got called into work before then, it might just cheer him up. The Lieutenant almost smiled as he rounded the end of a shelf to move down the next aisle. The smile froze on his face. Standing to one side of the aisle, a basket in front of them, were the two people he wanted to throttle the most.

Provenza's eyes narrowed. Flynn was laughing while he held something over his head, well out of the Captain's reach… and had she always been that short? His other arm was around her, hand on his hip as she leaned up against him, trying to retrieve the item. His teeth ground together at the sight.

"No." Andy's eyes sparkled as he held the package aloft. "We're not getting this. I'll do a lot of things for you, lady, but we are not bringing quinoa into my house. Have you actually cooked this stuff before? It stinks."

"It's a better alternative to the crap you've been eating. _Andy_!" She finally settled back on her feet and pouted at him. "What kind of vegetarian are you?"

"The unhealthy kind." He dipped his head and kissed her downturned lips. They spent the evening and most of the morning in bed. Which meant that Andy hadn't made it to the market the previous day, as he planned. Since they had looked forward to spending Saturday together, it was a chore they were sharing. With a lot more fun than he ever imagined shopping would be. Andy didn't come here often, he usually used the smaller market near his own place, but they'd gone to breakfast together - or actually, it was closer to lunch. They stopped at the market because it had the best bakery between the restaurant and his place.

"Hm." Sharon hummed against his mouth and drew away. "Yes, that is quite obvious. What happened to living better, caffeine is bad, and we have to take care of ourselves?" Her eyes sparkled as her voice dipped, in an almost passable imitation.

Andy snorted. "I passed out at work, this cute girl I was interested in saw me. It was kind of embarrassing. So now I take my pills, I eat my rice, pasta, and potatoes and life is much better."

She giggled at him. "You are so bad. Fine. Have it your way, but don't come crying to me when you're being tied down to have your arteries unclogged." She shook her finger at him, but she was smirking happily.

"Oh _gods_." Provenza wanted to throw up. He knew Flynn shopped here occasionally. It was his partner that turned him on to it. They had the best meat, and bread, and he could get the imported beer he liked without having to make another stop on the way home. It worked for him. "You're going to be one of _those_ couples. Do you have no self respect at all?" He adjusted his basket on his arm and glowered at them. "No one wants to see _that_." He huffed in annoyance and moved to walk around them. He really didn't want to stop and _chat_. "For crying out loud, pull yourselves together, there's children around here."

They glanced at one another and both turned as he walked past them and away. He was still grumbling and gesturing as he went. Andy tossed the package of quinoa into their basket, but kept his arm around Sharon. "Hey, Louie…" He called after him. "Come on."

"Don't." His partner turned to glare at him. "Call me that." He marched back toward them. Provenza pointed at them. "I expected better of you," he shook his finger at his wide-eyed, shocked captain. "Him, no, he's always been an idiot, but _you_…." Provenza sniffed at them. "Yes, alright, fine. People have _feelings_ and they can't always control who they are for. That's where you come into it," he said to her. "I expected you to keep a lid on this."

Sharon drew a shallow breath. They expected that he would be unhappy about it. Even a little angry. Disappointment hadn't occurred to her. "Lieutenant…" She tried to smile and felt it lacking. Sharon didn't expect that someone else's opinion of her personal life would have such an effect on her. Suddenly, she felt twelve again, facing the weight of her father's disappointment that she fought with her sister. "I understand that you're displeased with us," she said quietly. "What can I do to assure you that I've—"

"Save it." Provenza cut her off. It was a Saturday, after all, and they weren't at work. He didn't have to listen to her placating justifications. "No doubt you think you've thought it all through. I don't care. This," he gestured between them. "It never works. It'll be fun for a while and then you'll make each other miserable. Then you'll make us _all_ miserable. Just do us all a favor, give us all a heads up before you completely blow the team apart." He leaned back, adjusted his basket again and smoothed down his casual, Saturday polo. "Now, if you will excuse me, I think we both have things that need to be done today. While we can."

Saddened by his admonishment, Sharon sighed softly. "Of course, Lieutenant. I'll see you Monday. Enjoy your weekend."

"Yeah." He waved a hand at them and turned. Like that was going to happen _now_. Provenza walked down the aisle. He decided there was nothing on that one he really needed. He stopped at the end though, and glanced back. What he saw made him sniff and groan quietly. He watched his partner tuck a lock of hair behind her ear before he cupped her cheek and bent, kissing her again. Sickening, Provenza decided. He turned away again and went in search of the meat department. God help them all. They actually _looked _like they were in love. Hell, it could have been him and Liz more than half a life time ago… but that just proved, nothing lasted forever. No matter what you thought when it started. "Damned love sick fools…"


	8. Chapter 8

Try to Love Again - Chapter 8

by Kadi

Rated T

Disclaimer: It isn't my sandbox. I simply visit it from time to time.

* * *

They chose not to let Provenza's negativity affect them. Instead, they focused on the fact that they were mature, consenting adults. Emphasis was on mature. They weren't kids any longer, they'd both had failed relationships, and this time they were moving forward with their eyes open. They resolved that they had known each other long enough that they knew the good, the bad and the extremely ugly about each other. They could do this, and it was more than just hope. Both of them could imagine a future together.

Out of respect they worked harder to keep it out of the murder room. They couldn't _not_ work together, however. They were much better together than apart, and even when they tried otherwise they just gravitated toward one another. Still, they kept it professional. Just as they had prior to anyone discovering that they were _seeing_ one another.

The days blended together and they found their rhythm. The days belonged to the LAPD and the rest of the team. Most evenings were spent together. Most, but not all. They were at a point in their lives when they didn't have to be together every second to know how they felt, or that they wanted to be together. Sharon also had Rusty to think about, and she still felt awkward having Andy stay over when Rusty was home. The kid knew about them, but they remained discreet. When Andy did stay at her place, he arrived late and usually he was out the door in the morning before Rusty was awake. There was the occasion when he was with them for dinner and stayed the evening, or the three of them had breakfast together. It was rare.

Rusty didn't seem to mind them together, but Sharon was still treading carefully where he was concerned. He saw through her excuses when she stayed over at Andy's, and it wasn't as if he was a child. He was an adult now, but it was still a matter of respect.

Sharon was grateful that they'd had the wherewithal to be respectful of him when his mother reared her ugly head again. As if the case with McGinnis and her missing officer had not been difficult enough. Listening to Rusty's mother try to convince him to go and sell himself on the street again, just to raise her bail money… Even more than a week later, Sharon was still seething.

Her heart was broken for him, and try though he might, she could see that Rusty had been impacted by all of it. He was quieter than normal, but she knew that he had been to see Doctor Joe, and that was something at least. He wouldn't talk with her about it. He wasn't ready. Rusty had a way of dealing with things, but she tried to comfort herself with the fact that he was at least dealing. In the past, he would have run. He'd come a long way, and Sharon knew that he would talk to her when he was ready. It didn't stop the ache in her chest.

The distant look in her eyes was not new. She had a way about her when she was focused on something, particularly the children. She was still thinking about the crap that had gone down with Sharon Beck. Andy sighed quietly as he drew her foot up and ran a hand along her calf. Her children were never far from her mind, even seated in the tub with him as she was now, her mind wondered back to them.

She sat at the opposite end, head resting against the edge of the tub. With her hair pinned up, face flushed from the heat and steam rising off the water, she was breathtaking. The distance and pain in her gaze, however, were at odds with her present beauty. Rusty was out with a couple of friends, gone to a movie. Andy knew that wasn't what she worried about. He had seen the video too, more than once, and he wouldn't forget the horror written across her face as she listened to a mother try to whore her child out for her own gain. It made him sick just thinking about it, and when he remembered the shaking, and the broken sobs that followed, while he held his lover in the dark that night, he could throttle Rusty's mother with his own hands.

"Come here." Andy reached for her. His hand circled her wrist and gave it a gentle tug. He pulled her forward and around so that she joined him on his end of the tub. It was a narrow space, water sloshed over the side, but they fit… just barely. Andy settled her against his chest and dropped a kiss to her shoulder. His arms moved around her, and she was wrapped completely in the circle of his embrace. He nuzzled her neck, and when she sighed and relaxed against him, he leaned back again.

"Sharon, he's okay." Her head was resting against his shoulder now. He leaned his against it. "The kid is made of strong stuff. Stronger than I think we probably knew. He'll be alright."

"I know." In the end, Rusty _would_ be okay. He would move past all of this, but it didn't stop her hurting for him, or worrying about him. "I think I'm just still trying to understand how she could do that to him. He's worked so hard…"

"It's not about Rusty." Andy slid a hand down her arm, until their fingers clasped. The other he splayed across her belly. "It's about the addiction. As long as she's in jail, she can't get what she thinks she needs, and so she'd sell her own child to get back out there, to get her next hit. It's selfish. It doesn't care about Rusty. Deep down _she_ might care about him, but right now… he's the last thing on her mind."

"Yes." Sharon sighed again. She tipped her head back, while her hand lazily stroked the outside of his thigh. "I know that you're right. We've seen this so many times, on so many cases. I should know better than to question her motives." She laughed, but it was a dark, bitter sound. "I've been married to it, so yes, I should definitely know better."

"Nah," He turned his face into her hair. Andy kissed the side of her head. "You're a mom. You're not supposed to be thinking like a police captain when it comes to Rusty. That went out the window about two weeks after you brought him home." He heard her hum at that, and a slight grin tugged at his mouth. "Sharon, you can't think about it like the spurned wife that got left in favor of drink and cards either. Don't second guess how you feel right now." His lips moved to her ear and he whispered quietly. "You're his mother, it's okay to think like it. You're the only real one he has."

"Hm." She felt the sting of tears at his words. He was right, it wasn't long after Rusty moved in with her that her objectivity was thrown out the window where he was concerned. It wasn't hard to love that boy, not after she was able to see beneath the surface, to the scared, frightened child that just wanted someone to care for him. The boy that was throwing up walls in an attempt to protect himself, after the one person in his life that was supposed to do it for him had left, not once, but twice. Sharon turned her face into his neck and closed her eyes. She drew a breath and let it out slowly. "That could be the problem," she said quietly. "I'm trying to compare experiences and I shouldn't. I really can't."

Andy looked down at her, there was a sad smile on her face that he wished he could wipe away. "What do you mean?" He tilted his head, more puzzled now than concerned.

"I saw something familiar in Rusty," Sharon explained. "When I brought him home. We'd both been abandoned by people that were supposed to love us, and it helped me to relate to him. Then I saw the boy and not his anger. The hard part with Rusty was trying _not_ to love him. I didn't want to get attached, Andy. That only lasted about five seconds. The more I learned about his mother, the more I began wishing that I had found him sooner. That woman… He should not know what it is to have to offer his body in exchange for surviving. That is the one thing that sets our experiences apart. Jack left, and that was painful. He took every penny that was in our savings, and he left me in debt to my eyeballs, but he never _hurt_ me. He was neglectful and absent. He missed recitals and games, graduations, birthdays… and that's painful in itself, but he never _hurt_ our kids. My god, what kind of woman is she? Even when Jack left, the money that he took was _ours_, mostly mine. We set up accounts for the kids when they were born, it was a sizable chunk of money, but he didn't touch it. He left it. Any time over the years he could have emptied those accounts, and you know… I could actually track when Jack's gambling was going well for him. I'd find deposits made, for _them_. He may be a selfish bastard but even he was horrified by Rusty's history. I think…." Sharon paused for a moment. "I think I just expected that she would be neglectful. That she was absent, and selfish. I never imagined that she would be cruel." When she looked up at him again, her eyes were moist, pooling with tears. "How could I let this happen?"

"You didn't let anything happen," He told her. "Sharon…" Andy sighed. "There was no way that you were ever going to keep Rusty away from his mother once she was found again. Hell, you didn't even know about it until after the fact. You know, as terrible as it is, this is something that had to happen." When she grew stiff, his hands slid up and down her arms again. "No, wait…" Andy knew when Sharon was getting ready to fight, and he could feel it starting to burn through her now. "Listen, just… She's been gone a couple of years. Rusty had to see her for what she is. As long as he had the idea of his mother, she was like a fairy tale. He could let himself believe that she didn't want to leave him behind, that she was forced to do it. Now that she's back, now that she's doing all of this, he can see for himself _who _and _what _she is. It's not pleasant, Sharon. I know you want to protect him from that, we all do, but it had to happen. Yeah, I think the woman needs locked up, and given a half a chance, I wouldn't let her anywhere near the kid again either. Fact is, Rusty had a mom before he came to you. He needed to face her. That part of his story needed some kind of closure. He's got it now. But that ain't all he's got." A lock of hair had come free of her clip, it was clinging to the side of her face. Andy swept it back with his thumb and smiled gently down at her. "He's got you, and maybe you can't protect him from everything, but you're here. He already has a mom, Sharon. You're his mother. You love him, you protect him as much as you can. The kid knows that. Believe me."

She pressed her lips together when they trembled and nodded quietly. Sharon moved out of his arms and turned. She settled so that she was straddling his lap, and she might be too old for sitting on her knees like that, but she hardly cared. Her arms moved around his neck. "If anyone ever finds out," she said thickly, "that you're such a sweet, sensitive guy, you're reputation is ruined."

"Oh, well…" He shrugged. Andy's arms slipped around her. His hands moved up her back. "Good thing it's you then, and I know you're not talkin'." He watched a single tear track it's way down her cheek and up to kiss it away. "You know, it's going to be okay."

"I do." Her fingers combed through the short, silver locks at the back of his head. "I know that. There is something else that I know too." Sharon leaned close, her lips were soft, light against his. "I love you." The knowledge had been there all these weeks, but she hadn't said it. She hadn't wanted to make it real, not until now.

He pulled her closer, and his arms closed more solidly around her. It shouldn't be possible for the heart to feel so much, for it to expand as his was now. He thought he ached for her before. Andy realized he hadn't really known how much until that moment. "Yeah," he said roughly. Their foreheads moved together, he nuzzled her cheek. "Good." He felt her lips curve toward a smile. "Cause I gotta say, Lady, I've been loving you for a while now."

Sharon hummed quietly. She drew back, just enough to meet his gaze. "Andy." When his brows lifted, she smiled. "Take me to bed."

She didn't have to ask him twice. The idea of a long, relaxing bath was forgotten immediately. So was the dinner they were going to have afterward.

Much later, with the hour ticking closer to morning, Andy found himself stretched across Sharon's bed, with her curled against him. Relaxed and sated, they simply lay there, dozing quietly. Andy could sense that Sharon was waiting for something, and when they heard the door to her condo open and close, he realized exactly what that was. They could hear the quiet tread of Rusty's sneakers on the hardwood floors as he moved down the hall. The kid was trying to be quiet, but he couldn't know that they were still awake. When his bedroom door closed, Andy felt Sharon sigh and relax completely. His fingers trailed lightly down her spine. The kid had hit the mother load with this one, pretty much literally. He hoped he knew how lucky he was, to be loved by Sharon. She was never going to give up on him, even if that meant helping Sharon Beck at the expense of her own heart, which Andy had a feeling that she would end up doing in the end. She would do it for Rusty, and not because he asked or wanted her to, but because _he_ needed it. If Sharon Beck failed him again so be it. She didn't need a piece of paper to make it official, she was already his mother. Adoption was only a formality.

Andy felt her breathing even out and smiled. His hand moved into her hair, fingers gentle against her scalp. As she grew limp against him, he let his eyes close too. Yeah, he hoped the kid knew he was lucky to be loved by her. He sure as hell did.

He drifted off at some point after that, and Andy wasn't sure how long they'd slept when the sound of a ringing phone penetrated his sleep filled mind. He grunted when the bed shifted, and realized it was Sharon rolling away from him. His eyes blinked open and then shut again when her display lit up. In the darkness of the room, it was entirely too bright. "Leave it," he groaned.

His own phone was over on her dresser, with his badge and gun. He wasn't on call tonight, but he would have the weekend rotation. He had traded with Sanchez who had a date and wanted to be _available _for it. Of course, being on call or not didn't meant they wouldn't get called in. It just meant someone else got the first roll out to a crime scene, and then called in the others if it was determined to be a Major Crime. The only exceptions were critical missing cases, or if the Chief had them all paged at one time. Or if the call came in during the day, when they were all in the Murder Room anyway.

Sharon chuckled quietly. "I can't. I'm not on call, but I am the boss." Her hand stroked his arm as she swept her thumb across the display. "Yes, Lieutenant Tao. Good evening, how can I help you?"

Andy felt like pulling the pillow over his head. He almost did. Instead, he tucked his arm behind his head with a sigh. More like than not, he was about to have to get up and get dressed. He realized that something was wrong, however, when Sharon straightened. Her smile melted away quickly and he watched as it was replaced with a look of horror and concern. He sat up when her head bent. She placed a hand against her forehead and her hair fell forward to conceal her face. When he lay his hand against her back and she leaned into it instead of away, as she normally did when work intruded on their moments together, concern filled him.

"No," Sharon said quietly after the Lieutenant recapped the evenings events. "Don't worry about Lieutenant Flynn. I'll call him. We'll both be seeing you soon. Thank you, Lieutenant." With the call disconnected, she lifted her head and drew a shallow breath. She glanced at the man beside her. "We have to go," she said quietly. "There was an issue with the crime scene. Patrol didn't clear it properly, there was a shooting on site." Their eyes met and she found her dread reflected there. "Andy…"

His jaw clenched and he nodded. His hand slipped down her arm. "Julio?" Andy felt his stomach turn over, because he should have been on call tonight. He should have been there on scene. More than that, how much more could that kid take?

"No," she whispered. "Julio is fine. He took down the suspect, he's on scene with FID." Sharon moved her hand into his and kept her gaze steady. "He and Mike were on call tonight. They called Provenza to the scene after they got there. It's a residential location, a fairly ordinary house. The suspect was hidden in a closet under the stairs. SID was already on scene, Patrol had given the all clear. He panicked when Lieutenant Provenza and Buzz arrived and the team began moving through the house. He was armed and he got off a few shots before Julio was able to subdue him." Her tongue snaked out to wet her lips, her hand squeezed his tightly. "Provenza is at Cedars, he was hit twice. Alive when the ambulance left with him, Amy went with him. Mike didn't know anymore than that. He stayed behind as incident commander."

Andy stared at her for a moment. He was sure that she was speaking, but the words didn't immediately register. When her hand tightened, almost painfully, around his, he was brought back. He swept the blanket aside and stood up. His movements were quick as he reached for his clothes and began jerking them on. He managed only his pants before he walked over to the dresser to find his phone. There were only two missed calls. One from Tao, and the other from Provenza himself. That would have been the roll out for the team. Andy hadn't heard either of them… he had been a little busy. He dropped the phone back onto the dresser and swore quietly. "Son of a bitch."

"Andy." Sharon moved more slowly, more deliberately around the room as she gathered clothing from her closet. She caught his arm and turned him toward her. "I have to go to the crime scene, but before you leave here, I have to know that—"

"I'm fine." He set her away from him, but his hands didn't immediately leave her shoulders. "Get dressed, Sharon. Go clean up patrol's mess." When his hands did drop away, he sighed. "Look, I'll call you as soon as I know something, okay?" Andy wanted to kick himself, for not being there when it happened, but he could see that she was torn. She was worried about him, and his partner, but she had to go play Captain now.

Sharon nodded quietly. She touched his hand, just a faint brush of her fingers against his skin. "If I wake him, will you take Rusty? They're very close. He won't forgive me, if—"

"Yeah," Andy nodded. Provenza was damned fond of the kid too. "Yeah, that's fine. I'm going to finished getting dressed."

"Okay." Sharon continued to stand in front of him for a moment. Then she gripped his chin and leaned up, quickly kissing him before she left the bedroom to retrieve Rusty.

Andy watched her go. "Hell." He swore again as he dropped onto the side of her bed to pull on his shoes. He scrubbed his hands over his face. Whatever else he was thinking, Andy pushed it all aside so that he could finish dressing. Still, one thought seemed to be on playback in his head.

Had his partner gotten shot because he was too busy screwing their boss to do his job?

Sharon stepped out of her bedroom and pulled the door closed behind her. She leaned against it as a shudder ran through her. Her own selfish thoughts made her frown, but for just a moment she wondered why she felt a rift opening between them. Andy had done nothing wrong. He wasn't on call, and she was the one that approved the switch. Not as a favor to her Lieutenant, or because they were together. She had done it for Julio. Now she could feel Andy gearing up to blame himself. Sharon sighed and pushed away from her door. She shook her head and made her way, quickly down the hall. There was nothing for it now. It was just something they would need to deal with and talk through later. For now, she needed to break the news to her son… then she had a job to do.


	9. Chapter 9

Try to Love Again - Chapter 9

by Kadi

Rated T

Disclaimer: It isn't my sandbox. I simply visit it from time to time.

* * *

Why it was that waiting rooms had to be so completely uncomfortable, Andy Flynn would never know. The surgical waiting room on the fourth floor at Cedars Sinai was just that. Uncomfortable as hell. Beside him, Rusty was fidgeting in his seat. His leg was bouncing. It was taking every ounce of patience that Andy had not to reach over and forcefully stop it. Instead, he looked heavenward and prayed, once again, for patience.

"How important is a spleen anyway," Rusty asked. He cast a look at the Lieutenant. "I mean, you read about it, and hear on TV and stuff all the time that they can take them out. It's not really _that _important, right?"

Andy sighed. It was the third time that the kid had asked _that_ question. This time he just shrugged and shook his head. "I really don't know. Kind of important, I think. But you can live without it. Or they wouldn't take it out." He glanced at his watch. Three hours. Provenza had been in surgery for three hours. When he got there, he had to send Amy back to the crime scene. They were shorthanded with him at the hospital, Provenza in surgery, and Julio now grounded because of the shooting.

Sharon called to check in with them twice. She would get there as soon as she could, so she told him each time that she called. Now that the probable suspect was dead, much of the investigation was now a formality, but it still had to be done. That meant that she had the rest of the team, and Buzz with her. Sanchez had arrived at the hospital an hour ago, when FID finished with him. He was now seated on Rusty's other side. Andy glanced over and managed a small smile when Julio did as he'd only thought about. He reached out and grabbed Rusty's knee, effectively stopping his leg from bouncing nervously.

"Just relax," the detective said.

"Sorry." Rusty cringed but sat still now. "This is only my second gunshot wound."

"That's okay," Julio said. "After the third, it gets easier."

Andy snorted. He slanted a look at him and then shook his head. He chuckled quietly, although there was no real humor in it. "God, Julio…"

The Detective shrugged. "Well, it does."

"The third?" Rusty looked between them, eyes wide. "How many times have you people gotten shot?"

Julio shrugged. "Incidents, or actual wounds?"

"Julio!" Andy winced. Sharon was going to kill him. He wasn't the one doing it, but it would be his fault in the end when the kid started having nightmares about people getting gunned down in the streets.

"What?" The detective held his hands up. "It's important to distinguish, you know." Julio smirked at them. "I mean, personally, I've had the four… I don't recommend it."

If it were possible for Rusty's eyes to get any wider, they did. "You've been shot _four_ times?" His hands gripped the arms of his chair. He looked back at Flynn. "How many times have you been shot?"

"Once." Andy sighed. Yes, he was going to die. It was going to be a slow and painful death, Sharon would see to that. "Got hit in the arm, back when I was just a rookie detective. It wasn't too bad. I was back at work a week later. I think I can honestly say though, it doesn't happen as often as Sanchez is making it sound. I mean, I think this is only the second time Provenza's been shot so…"

"This has happened before?" The kid had gone pale. "Oh my god. Now you're going to tell me that you've all been shot at least once, right? God! How many times has Sharon been shot?" When the two detectives looked at each other and then away, he felt like he might throw up. "Are you kidding me!"

"Rusty…" Andy reached over and gripped his arm to keep him in his chair. "It's why she transferred to FID after she got pregnant with Ricky. She had gotten shot the year before, while working Vice. It was just a flesh wound, but she didn't want to chance it while she was pregnant. Jack was all over her to either quit or do something less dangerous, so… It was nothing. Really. Our jobs are kind of dangerous, but we know how to be safe. This kind of thing doesn't happen as much as you think."

"She's safe." Julio said simply. He looked over at the teenager and shrugged. "Don't sweat it, okay? We take care of her. Nothing is going to happen to the Captain. I promise."

Rusty stared back at him. The detective's gaze was so deep, and so sure that he finally nodded. He felt himself relax some, and his stomach unclench. Maybe they were right, it wasn't so bad. Sharon said most of what she did was paperwork and administrative anyway. Rusty exhaled quietly and sat back in his seat. "He's not going to die, though? Right?"

The two detectives looked at each other again. Andy tilted his head. "I don't know, Rusty. It's hard to say. He's not as young as Julio. That's what makes it so serious. His doctor seemed positive. That's all we can really hold onto at the moment."

"Yeah." Rusty rubbed his palms against his jeans. "Okay." He was really wishing Sharon were there, but he understood why she couldn't be. Rusty hoped the Lieutenant would be okay. There were so few people in his life that he trusted, that he actually cared about, and who cared about him too. He didn't want to lose one of them. Especially not like this. He should be able to die in his sleep, like really old people were supposed to, without pain or fear. Not like this. _Never_ like this. Besides, he wasn't _that_ old anyway.

"Besides," Andy said after a moment. "That cranky old coot is probably going to out live us all."

On Rusty's other side, Julio snickered quietly. "Probably, sir."

"How come none of his family is here?" Rusty asked. It was only the three of them, but the rest of the team would join them when they finally managed to get away from the crime scene. It seemed odd to him. He remembered when Julio got shot a few weeks ago. It was just a minor thing, and his whole family it seemed was there.

"I'm his next of kin," Andy explained. "So he has it listed anyway." He rolled his eyes at that. "He's got so many ex-wives, and kids with three of them, that he couldn't figure out which one hated him the least. He decided I was the safer option. He said I wouldn't pull the plug just to be rid of him, or leave him on machines just to be a pain in his ass." Andy shook his head. "He put specific rules on it all. I'm not to call Liz, that's the first ex-wife, until I know he's either okay or screwed. She will call their kids, and the other wives. Then it's up to the ones he had kids with to notify those offspring."

Rusty blinked at him. "How many times was he married?" He knew it was a lot, but the Lieutenant made it sound like a bunch.

"Five." Andy stretched his legs in front of him. "To four wives. He married Heather twice. He's got kids with the first three. Two with Liz, and one each with Heather and Natalie. Sharon didn't want kids." He smirked. "Yes, he was married to _a_ Sharon. Explains a lot, huh?"

"Really." Rusty snorted. "Guilt by name association?"

"I think so." Andy grinned. "Well, that and she sent him to sensitivity training a few times."

"A few?" Julio snorted. "More than a few, sir." He grinned at the thought. "I know of at least six different incidents." He counted mentally and nodded. "Yeah, at least six. The Lieutenant told me a story about the Captain once." He glanced at them. "Back the first time she investigated one of my shootings, after I joined PHD. He told me that she used to be such a nice thing, but like an idiot, he told her to grow some stones, and she did."

Andy had never heard that story. He glanced over at Julio, who nodded at him. He tried to mentally picture that moment and started laughing. "You know, I can see him doing it too. That explains his first training class…"

It was at that moment that a woman in scrubs stepped into the waiting room. "Provenza."

"Yeah." Andy pushed his tired body out of the chair. His back ached. He walked toward her, the others behind him. "That would be us. How is he?"

"I'm Doctor Stanley," she introduced herself. "I was assisting Doctor Marcus with the surgery. Mr. Provenza—"

"Lieutenant," Julio stated, giving her a half smile. "He hates being called Mister."

"I see." She nodded. "Lieutenant Provenza is still in surgery. We've had to remove the spleen, but we've gotten the bleeding under control. We're just checking now to make sure there was no further damage. We'll be closing soon, and he'll be moved to recovery first, and then ICU."

"How is he?" Andy frowned at her, noted she hadn't offered that information up front. That was something that they normally did. His gut twisted painfully at the thought.

"Still very critical," the doctor replied. "The next twenty-four hours will be crucial. He's not a young man, as you know. An injury like this is severe in its own right, but at the Lieutenant's age, it can be fatal. He appears to be in otherwise decent health. So far, he is handling the surgery well. We'll know more when he comes off the ventilator in recovery. Until then, I'm afraid I just can't say, but his chances are good."

Andy shoved his hands into his pockets and sighed. "Thank you, Doctor." Now it was time to call Liz. She would need to get the wives and the kids gathered, just in case. He turned back to the other two. "I need to go make some calls. Why don't you take the kid and go track down some coffee or something."

"Yes sir," Julio nudged the kid forward, both of them suddenly subdued. "Come on, maybe we'll find some cute nurses too."

As they left, Andy heard Rusty groan. "You get I don't like girls right?"

"Who said they were for you?" There was a pause, and Andy almost chuckled. "Or that they were all girls?"

The Lieutenant shook his head and went the other direction. He wanted to head downstairs and outside to make his calls. Once he got outside, he called Sharon first. As crappy as he felt about not being with his partner when it all went down, and _why_ he wasn't with him… hers was still the first voice that he wanted to hear.

"Lieutenant Flynn," She answered after only the first ring. "How is he?"

Andy noticed the way her voice lowered, and that she sounded almost breathless. "Still pretty serious," he answered quietly. "So far he made it through the surgery. The spleen is gone. They're gonna put him in recovery soon. I'm about to start calling in the family."

"I see," she said quietly. "How are _you_?"

The concern in her voice was an almost tangible thing. It made his heart ache. Andy's jaw clenched for a moment. He ran a hand through his hair. "I'm alright," he lied. "Listen, the kid is pretty freaked out. Any chance you'll get down here soon?" He wanted to see her, but he couldn't exactly ask her to drop everything and head over there.

There was an edge in his tone, something that might have been need. It wasn't the usual frustration she heard when he was dealing with someone and needed her to intervene. "Soon, I think," she answered gently. "FID is taking over. An officer was shot because a patrolman didn't properly clear the scene, factor in Julio's OIS, and it's one big mess. I'm three people down, and no one here can really focus on the case right now. I'm letting Elliot have it. I trust him."

She should, Andy thought. She handpicked and trained that little ass-kissing brat. If it were anyone else, he might protest. Instead, he nodded, despite the fact that she couldn't see it. "Yeah, alright." He could hear the underlying frustration in her tone. That meant she had been trying to hold her ground with FID and was giving in. She didn't feel like fighting them. She was worried too. "It makes sense to let them have it," Andy said after another moment, because he thought that maybe she needed to hear that.

"Yes." Sharon exhaled quietly. "I just have to wait for Buzz to finish documenting everything. I told him that I'd wait for him. He's… well…" They were all concerned, some more than others. The Lieutenant was a bit of a fixture at the LAPD, but some were closer to him than others. "I'll be there soon," she said again.

"I should go," Andy said. "I need to call Liz. She'll rally the troops. Listen, Sharon, about earlier…"

"It's okay," she told him, and meant it. "I understand. At least we didn't panic right? Age has to be good for something, don't you think?"

He grinned. Andy couldn't help it. He sighed, somewhat relieved, and feeling all the better for having talked to her. "Yeah, I guess it does."

"I'd better hang up, or neither of us is going to," Sharon said, and the smile could be heard in her voice. "Right now, I've got to go and keep an eye on Buzz. I'm afraid if I don't, he'll start beating Elliot over the head with his camera… It really was a very near thing earlier."

"I believe it. Those FID types can be hell on wheels," Andy drawled. He grinned, but was staring at his shoes.

"All this time, I thought you were saying that I was hell on _heels_," Sharon replied. "Behave, Lieutenant. Make your calls. We'll be there soon."

Andy waited for her to hang up. He pulled his phone away from his ear and shook his head. Hell on heels indeed, he thought. She really was off her game, though, if FID was giving Major Crimes hell and getting away with it. Especially with her on scene. Andy resolved to do something about that later, but at the moment, he began scrolling through his contacts to find Liz Provenza's number. As he dialed it, he took a deep breath. Here they went…

By the time Provenza was moved into Recovery, two of the ex-wives had arrived. While they might have a support group, as Liz called it, at least she and Heather got along better than Liz and Natalie did. Or Heather and Sharon. As a group, the wives might be fine, but singularly they had their issues with each other, and Andy guessed that was normal. He didn't know. He only had the one, and Sarah seemed to get along okay with _his_ Sharon. Either way, Andy was just glad that it was those two.

The kids were on their way. The two he'd had with Liz were in Fresno and San Diego, respectively. Both would be arriving as soon as they could arrange it. The daughter he'd had with Heather lived in Chicago. She was getting on the first flight back to Los Angeles. The son he had with Natalie was in the Marines, stationed out of Jacksonville, Florida. They didn't know when he'd be able to arrive, but Liz explained that Natalie had called him. Then there were the grandkids. A couple of them were in college and would be getting away as soon as they could, the others were young enough to travel with their parents.

Andy sighed. He was about to be thrust into Provenzaville.

He was pretty sure that when Sharon finally joined him, almost two hours after he'd spoken to her, that he was never so happy to see her. He stood up the moment he saw her, which was about the time she stepped into the waiting room. The familiar click of her heels against tile had alerted him to her presence. "Excuse me," he said to Liz and Heather, who were both talking his ears off.

As he left, Andy heard Heather turn her attention on the kid. "Now, who are you again?"

"Uh… I'm Rusty." The kid spoke haltingly, in that way that he did with people he hardly knew, but he was trying to be polite.

"Oh that's right." Heather tilted her head at him. "How did you say you knew Louie, I think those first five minutes after getting here just slipped right out of my mind."

When he thought about the Lieutenant's ex-wives, he kind of pictured little old ladies. These two were older, certainly, but they weren't exactly like how he thought of old ladies. They smiled politely enough at him, but Rusty had the distinct impression that he was being measured. "Uh… I'm Sharon's uh…" He didn't know exactly how to describe it to people who didn't know them. "Son," he finally decided, since he figured that would be true enough as soon as the adoption was done. She was a much better mother than his real one anyway, that was something he had always known, but the point was driven home recently. Rusty blinked when they frowned at him. "Not that Sharon. The other Sharon. Um, the one that he works for. The Captain is my foster mother," He explained, growing more nervous at the way that they just both kept staring at him. "She's adopting me, but the Lieutenant and I are friends… so Lieutenant Flynn brought me when he came, because Sharon had to be at the crime scene, but she'll be here soon." He finished it all in a rush and took a deep breath.

"Oh." Heather smiled warmly at him. "I see." Her eyes lit with amusement suddenly. "Won't our Sharon get a kick out of this. Oh good god, what is Natalie going to say." She chortled happily at Liz. "Louie's gone and started dating again, and this one has a son young enough to be one of the grandkids. You've met her, haven't you? Is she awfully young? Can we rub it in for the others?"

Liz chuckled. "Younger than us, yes, but not that young, as I remember." She thought back to having met the woman, a few years before. She did recall, from recent conversations with Louis that the harridan, as he'd called her then, was now his Captain. Oh how he had complained about that. "That is a rather interesting turn of events, I think. I didn't think he liked her, but then, you know how Louie can be with the pretty ones… and as I recall, she was _very _pretty."

"Oh god no!" Rusty's eyes widened. He felt instantly queasy at where their minds had gone. How could they think that Sharon… With Lieutenant Provenza? On his other side, Julio had snorted and started to laugh. He was wheezing in his effort to not be obvious, but failing miserably. Rusty was too horrified to even care. "Sharon isn't dating Lieutenant Provenza, she's with Flynn!" He had practically shouted it in the quiet waiting room. When the room went more silent and he noticed everyone was looking at him, Rusty realized what he'd done. He slapped a hand over his mouth.

He was updating her on the Lieutenant's condition when they heard the shout. Explaining that he was now in recovery, but wasn't being allowed visitors as yet. With Rusty's loud exclamation, every eye in the room turned first to him… and then to them. Naturally it had to happen upon her arrival, which was directly on the heels of the others arriving as well. She had sent Buzz and Amy ahead of her, along with Mike, while she stayed downstairs to return a call to Chief Taylor. Now they were staring at her, both of them, actually. Sharon's gaze swept the room. There were mixed looks of surprise on all their faces, except for Tao who just smiled knowingly. It made Sharon wonder if there was anything that he _did not_ know or could figure out. She wasn't sure what she should say, or if anything should be said in light of Rusty's outburst. It wasn't as though the relationship was going to remain a secret, sooner or later it would have come out. Sharon was just thinking that she would have preferred later, and certainly not under the current circumstances. As it was, Julio saved her from having to respond.

His chair banged hard against the wall as he stood up. His face was set, and his eyes were dark, as he marched toward them. Then he strode past and out of the waiting room without saying a word. The intensity of his sudden shift in mood could be felt by all of them. Sharon drew a breath and started to follow him, but felt a hand on her arm.

"No," Andy said quietly. "You'd better let me." Their eyes met and held. Her weak smile made him feel like kicking himself for acting like an ass earlier. "Go check on Rusty." His hand moved down her arm and he stepped around her. "I think he's trying to melt into the floor right now."

"Yes," she said quietly. "I think you could be right." Sharon watched him go and decided to pay no attention to the others. Instead her gaze moved to her son.

He stood as she approached. Rusty was already shaking his head. "Oh my god, Sharon. I am so sorry. I didn't even… it just came right out. I never—"

"Rusty," She smiled warmly at him. She really did adore this boy. "Take a breath. It's okay." In light of his upset and everything that he'd been through recently, it really was such a small thing. She reached out and touched his arm, all the touch that she imagined he would allow her right now. "How are you doing?"

The teenager sighed. His shoulders slumped a bit in relief. "I'm fine. Just worried I guess. Look, Sharon…"

"Rusty," she spoke patiently. "Do not apologize again. It happens, and you know, this was bound to happen eventually. These things do not remain secret for long, just ask Amy. Okay?"

Rusty nodded again. "Okay," he finally said. "Um, so…" He gestured, a bit awkwardly, at the two ladies seated nearby. "These are the Lieutenant's ex-wives…"

"Yes." Sharon turned to them. One of them she remembered from a case a few years before. She held out her hand. "You may not remember me. I'm Captain Sharon Raydor. I was with a different division when we met. Currently, I'm heading Major Crimes. Lieutenant Provenza is my second in command."

"Yes, I remember." Liz stood and offered a smile as she shook her head. "Liz Provenza, and this is Heather." She nodded her head at the other ex-wife. "The one he married twice," she explained, knowing quite well how Louie talked about all of them.

"You mean the one that divorced him twice." Heather stood up and offered her hand with a smile. "I'm afraid your young man's outburst is all our fault. We misunderstood. We thought he was here because his mother is Louie's new girlfriend. Pity it's not true, the fun we could have had…"

"Yes. Isn't it." Sharon felt a bit like Rusty then, and decided he was completely and totally forgiven. "The Lieutenant was just updating me on his condition. I understand they'll be moving him to ICU in a while?"

"Yes," Liz nodded. "They aren't letting any visitors back while he's in recovery. Once he's in ICU, they'll let us back two at a time. Heather and I discussed it, we'll let you all go first. Then we'll set up a rotation with the family. The kids aren't even here yet, and neither are the other wives, actually. Natalie will come by in the morning. She remarried, you see. Our Sharon, well, that one is a bit of a wildcard. She could show up any minute, or she could wait until sometime tomorrow. It depends on if she's decided to be angry with Louie or not."

"Thank you," Sharon decided that was the best response in light of the explanation. "I'm sure that Andy and the others will be very grateful. I certainly am." As they all took their seats again, Sharon sank into the one previously occupied by Andy and turned her attention on Rusty.

Andy caught up with Julio easily. He had to jog the last few steps. The detective had managed to beat him to the elevator, but he caught up to him in the lobby. The younger man's shoulders were hunched as he walked head, through the doors and outside into the cool night air. "I don't want to talk to you, sir."

"Well, that's too bad." Andy fell in step with him. "Look, I get it, Julio. Believe me, I—"

"I don't think you do." Julio turned, his eyes were flashing. "You didn't answer your phone. When the Lieutenant called you. You didn't pick up. It's because you were with the Captain." His hands clenched into fists. His anger was vibrating right through him. He wanted to hit something, or someone, and it was just best to get away from anyone who might get in his way. Why the Lieutenant couldn't understand that, he didn't know. "I was going to call you back. The Lieutenant wouldn't let me," he bit out. "When I said you were probably just busy and didn't hear your phone, he said you were busy alright, busy doing something stupid. He was pissed off at you because you didn't answer your phone and wouldn't let me call you back. He was pissed off because he knew that you were with the Captain." It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure _that_ out. Everyone knew that Flynn and the Captain were close, it was pretty damned obvious. Julio didn't know that they'd actually started doing anything until now, but he always figured it would be inevitable.

Andy shoved his hands into his pockets. He stared at his shoes. Yeah, he felt like an ass about that. He didn't hear the phone, not because he just didn't hear it, but because it got left on vibrate. It got left on vibrate because his mind had been on other things, and yeah, he was in bed with Sharon when it went off, although they'd been asleep by then. His gut twisted painfully. That was the guilt. If he'd heard it, if he'd been there, would it change anything? Who the hell knew or would ever know. Andy's jaw clenched. He sighed, while in his pockets, his hands clenched into fists. "Julio…"

"What?" He took a step forward. "You're sorry? Don't say you're sorry, Lieutenant. If you do that, I'm going to have to hit you, and I don't think the Captain would like it. Not because you're sleeping with her, but because she doesn't like me hitting people."

The Lieutenant's eyes flashed. "Look, I get you're angry." His face flushed with irritation. One hand came out of his pocket and he pointed at the younger man. "But you're going to watch your damned mouth. You want to be pissed off, be pissed off at me, you leave her out of it."

"You think I'm mad at you?" Julio ran his hands over his head. "You think I care about you and the Captain? I don't care what you do outside of work, Lieutenant." The detective's frustration was needing an outlet, and it finally burst free. "He should have let me call you! We all have lives. We have people we want to be with, things we do when we're not at work. You weren't on call. You switched with me. It's not the first time one of us didn't hear the roll out. It's why we call back. The Lieutenant has never liked the idea of the two of you together, and tonight he was mad because he knew where you were. It got in the way of him doing his damned job, and if it hadn't, he might not be up there right now trying to stay alive."

Andy was floored by the realization that the younger detective's anger was directed not at him, but at his partner. Julio was angry with Provenza. That was not what he had expected at all. He took a step back and stared at the other man. Andy shook his head. He turned away slightly. "I'm starting to wonder if he was right. This was a bad idea."

Anger expelled, Julio's shoulders slumped. He shoved his hands into his pockets. A puzzled look drew his brows together. "Lieutenant?" He was more curious now than angry, but his eyes were still hooded.

"Provenza." Andy shrugged. "He said this relationship would blow up in everyone's faces. Maybe he was right. Maybe it was a mistake. Look at us." He rubbed a hand across his forehead. "You're down here pissed off at him for getting shot. Which may or may not have happened if I was there. Either way, you're right. He didn't do his job, he should have let you call me. He didn't because he was pissed off at me. Because he knew I was with Sharon tonight. My phone was on vibrate, I forgot to turn it back up. That's on me."

Julio stared back at him. He shook his head. "It's not a mistake to love someone," he said quietly. He shrugged. "The Lieutenant has ideas, they're not always right."

"Yeah," Andy sighed. "But sometimes they are." He wondered if maybe he and Sharon got so caught up in it all, that they failed to really consider all the things that could go _wrong_ with them. He sure as hell never envisioned any of _this_ happening.

He suddenly had the sinking feeling that the Lieutenant was about to do something very, very stupid. Julio's eyes narrowed. "Doesn't mean he is this time."

"Doesn't mean he's not." Andy thought about it more. "At the same time… He's going to have to get used it. All of you are. I'll be damned if I'm giving her up. Not even for Provenza." The very idea twisted him up inside, to the point that he thought he might be ill. He might be angry at himself, filled with guilt, and wondering if it could have been different… but he had already lost her once. He wouldn't walk away again. This time he was holding on, the hell with anyone who didn't like it.

Julio exhaled, letting go of the breath he hadn't realized he was holding. Okay, the Lieutenant was not going to be stupid. He wouldn't have to hit him after all. That was good, he didn't like it when the Captain was upset with him. Instead, he tilted his head at him. "Sir, this just got weird. Can we go back inside now?"

Andy snorted at him. "Yeah, Julio. Let's go back inside now." He shook his head. "Maybe by now she's got the kid calmed down. I thought he was going to throw up."

"Yeah," Julio agreed. "He did look a little green." They turned to go back in, but he glanced at the Lieutenant. "We don't have to tell anyone what I said. About him not doing his job? I mean, you just didn't hear your phone, right. Happens all the time."

"That's right." Andy slanted a look at him and nodded. "It's even happened to him a few times. We'll just keep this between us." He slapped the younger man on the shoulder as he moved through the door ahead of him, back into the lobby. They were all prone to mistakes, some of them more than others. Some mistakes, just didn't need to be dwelled on. Life happened. There was nothing that could stop that.


	10. Chapter 10

Try to Love Again - Chapter 10

by Kadi

Rated T

Disclaimer: It isn't my sandbox. I simply visit it from time to time.

* * *

"Oh my god. I really am in hell." Louis Provenza decided. If more than a week in the hospital had not convinced him of that, then having to come home to his partner's house was enough. His doctors agreed to release him from the confines of his hospital prison, but only with the guarantee that he'd have someone to keep an eye on him. He had to admit, he wasn't exactly getting around so well at the moment, but he didn't have to like it. He only agreed to this arrangement to keep the ex-wives from fighting over him, and then aggravating the hell out of him later. At least if he ended up shooting his partner someone would understand it!

After waking up in ICU some twelve hours after being shot, he was forced to endure a never ending circulation of visitors and keepers. That was in between the constant rotation of doctors, nurses, and blood transfusions. The latter of which was a result of his now extinct spleen. As if being shot wasn't bad enough, now he had people fawning over him. First the team, and at least they all knew to drop by, say hey, and then get the hell out of there. The wives, _oh God_ the wives. They had lingered. Liz was such a mother hen with the worrying. Heather wanted to fret and fuss. Natalie at least had the good sense to drop by and then return to the other husband. Sharon… well, the one that he had been married to, he was reminded all too well why _that_ hadn't lasted with her constant litany of _"I told you this would happen some day."_

Then came the kids, and the grandkids… and of course he had to put on a smile for all of them. He had to assure them that dad, or granddad as the case may be, was perfectly okay. Good god, it was horrible. Couldn't a man just sleep and recover in peace anymore?

Well, fine, so the balloons and the pictures that the grandkids brought weren't _too horrible_, and it wasn't completely terrible that Jeffery showed up on a three day emergency leave from the Marines to check on his old man. Still, Provenza didn't know which was more exhausting, recovering, or pretending to be okay for the family. Now he just wanted to collapse into his recliner and sleep for about a month.

Except, he didn't have _his_ recliner. He had his partner's recliner, and damned if the house wasn't full of the flowers and balloons which had invaded his hospital room during the previous week. The very bright, very colorful bouquet of nearly a dozen balloons that Rusty had sent was practically taking over half the living room. "That was all _her_ idea," Provenza decided. He settled into his partner's recliner with a grunt and a scowl. "I know it was. She knew that I'd hate it. You can't tell me that woman didn't put him up to it."

"Yeah." Andy dropped his partner's bag on the sofa and walked toward the kitchen. He had to swat one of the balloons out of his way to get there. "Because Sharon is so wicked she actually wants you to feel worse than you already do." He rolled his eyes and opened the fridge, fetching two bottled waters. "I think you're going to have to face facts, old man. You lose, the kid just has a weird sense of humor."

"She's brainwashed him." He scowled at the bottled water. He took it, and held a hand to his middle as he triggered the chair to lean back and the footrest to rise. "How do you sit in this thing?"

Andy's lips pursed. It was on the tip of his tongue to reply that sitting was easy, it was having sex with Sharon in it that was difficult. He wisely kept that one to himself and instead twisted the cap off his water. "Complain all you want, it's here or Liz's house. I can just as easily put your cranky ass back in the car." This wasn't exactly going to be his idea of a good time either. Andy was beginning to think that agreeing to this arrangement was a moment of insanity on his part. He did it because his partner had looked so desperate at the idea of having to go home with any of the ex-wives, and because he knew what it was to be alone, without any other family. Probably better than Provenza did. His partner chose to be alone, that was the difference between them.

Provenza reached for the remote on the end table beside him and glared. "You could be nicer to me, I'm an injured man," he muttered. He turned the TV on and was at least gratified that it came on to the sports channel. At least that much he couldn't fault his partner on. He was almost expecting some sappy love story. The idiot.

"You're in my chair," Andy grunted at him. "It doesn't get much nicer than that." A knock at the door had him pushing away from the entry frame leading into the kitchen. He walked over and pulled it open. "Hey. You timed that great, I just got his supreme grumpiness settled."

As he stepped back, Sharon stepped into the house. She had another bag and was carrying a vase of flowers. "So it was naive to believe getting him out of there would do something for his disposition?" She smiled. "This is the last of it. Rusty has the food."

Rusty followed her into the house. He held up two paper bags where the injured Lieutenant could see them. "Greasy goodness, as requested."

Sharon let Andy have the bag while she carried the vase over to set on the bar, with the others. She got tangled in the balloons as she moved past them. She swatted them away and heaved a sigh. "Oh Rusty, honestly!" It was not what she'd had in mind when he said he wanted to get the Lieutenant something.

Provenza tilted his head, and decided, as the balloons attacked his Captain that just maybe they were growing on him. "Are you telling me, Captain, that you don't appreciate my get well gift?"

His sarcasm was not lost on her, neither was the amusement in his gaze. She shot a bland look at him. "I like them better when they're not trying to stick to my hair."

"Static cling," Rusty stated. "They make conditioners for that kind of thing." He turned to Andy with the food bags. "Plates?" While the Lieutenant had been to the condo plenty of times, Rusty had never been in his home before.

"This way." Andy led the way into the kitchen and opened a cupboard. He took down four and set them on the counter for the kid. "She really let you get junk food?" He opened one of the bags and peered into it.

"Yeah, well…" Rusty grinned at him. "She was feeling nice." He pulled out a burger wrapped in red paper. "Veggie burger."

Andy glanced over and watched her wrestle the balloons into a corner, then secure them. When she swept her hair back and huffed, he laughed. "Emphasis on _was_." He took his burger, and his fries, along with the plate meant for Provenza and carried both into the living room.

Sharon walked over to join him when he sank into a wide arm chair. She perched on the arm beside him and her arm draped loosely across his shoulders. "Remind me to never leave Rusty and Buzz alone with my credit card again."

"I should have known." Provenza scowled at the balloons again and shoved a fry into his mouth. He would get him back.

"Detective Sanchez helped us pick out the colors." Rusty grinned crookedly as he joined them. He handed Sharon a plate and went back to retrieve water for both of them before finally settling on the sofa with his own food.

"Of course he did," the Lieutenant continued to scowl. "The betrayal knows no end."

"I like to think of it as more of a cautionary tale," Sharon stated. She twisted a fry in her fingers. "Don't get shot, and you won't end up being accosted by cheerful, inflated, colorful rubber."

Provenza stared back at her. His eyes narrowed. "You are an evil, manipulative, wicked witch from whom there is no escape."

"Yes." Sharon smiled, only too sweetly back at him. "And you adore me for it."

"Now, you see here." Provenza pointed a finger at her, while his face flushed a deep shade of red. "I was on drugs. There were painkillers, and anesthetic, and I _cannot_ be held responsible for anything which might have been said while under chemical influence beyond my control."

"Too late," she drawled with a grin.

While Sharon and Andy were laughing, and the Lieutenant was turning a darker shade of red that Rusty wasn't sure was healthy, the teenager looked between the three adults. "What did I miss?" His initial visit into the ICU had come just after the Lieutenant was moved, while he was still unconscious. He hadn't seen him again until much later, when he was moved to a regular room. He hadn't wanted to be in anyone's way, and so he'd hung out and helped by running errands with Buzz.

"Nothing, not a thing!" Provenza practically shouted. "I'm warning you both," he said to his partner and Captain.

They looked at one another. Sharon was still leaning against his side, perched on the arm of his chair. Andy looped an arm around her waist to hold her there for a moment or two longer. His head tilted, while her eyes sparkled. They chose to ignore his partner's warnings. Instead, Andy turned his attention to Rusty. "Sharon and I were with Provenza when he woke up the second time. Liz had run home to shower and catch a nap, while Heather was keeping an eye on all the children…"

_There was something almost a little sickening about the sterile, antiseptic smell inside a hospital. It was just too clean. Then of course there was the fact that the air was all dry, and for some reasons they all insisted on keeping the temperature low and near to arctic. Andy couldn't think of even one person, outside of medical professionals, who actually _liked_ hospitals, but he was sure that he despised them. He was beginning to wonder why no one had ever thought to design a place that was actually comfortable for both the patients _and_ their visitors. _

_When he shifted in his chair, for probably the fifth time in an hour, he felt a hand touch his arm. Andy glanced over and found Sharon watching him, a sympathetic smile on her face. She had somehow managed to fold her small body in the chair beside his in a way that was comfortable for her. He wasn't having much luck with his much longer body. _

"_You can go back to the waiting room if you'd like,"__She spoke quietly, but her soft voice still sounded loud in the small room, in spite of the beep and hiss of the machines around Provenza's bed. "I'll stay with him."_

"_I'm fine."__He reached for her hand and their fingers clasped together, while he stretched his legs in front of him. It had been nearly a day now, since his partner had been shot. He woke just once, and only briefly, but the important part was that he had been awake. His doctors were far more optimistic now. His condition seemed to be hovering somewhere near stability, and that was good. Andy hadn't left the hospital yet, but Sharon had gone home to change earlier in the day, and had dropped into his place to grab a more comfortable change of clothes for him. At least if the chairs had to be uncomfortable, the jeans and t-shirt made it bearable. "I promised Liz that I'd stay,"__he said quietly. "Next to you, she's not a lady I want upset with me."_

_Sharon smiled and chuckled quietly at that. There was one thing she could say about Lieutenant Provenza's wives, they were all strong-willed and opinionated women. He certainly had a type. "Then let's definitely not disappoint her."__While his warm hand was tucked around hers, Sharon buried her other in the sleeve of her sweater. She was glad that she had thought to get it, given the chill in the hospital. _

_A groan from the bed drew their attention. Sharon moved much more quickly than Andy did, gaining her feet and moving to the side of the bed on which there were the fewest machines. She poured water from a pitcher on the table beside his bed into a small cup. Andy was beside her a moment later, his body creaking in ways he wished it wouldn't, and he was beginning to think maybe Sharon had the right idea, with all her swimming and yoga. Not that he would tell _her_ that. _

"_Easy."__Andy reached down and lay a hand on his partner's arm when he seemed to struggle with waking. "Don't move too fast."__He had a sizable incision curling around his left side, where all the damage had been done and the spleen had been removed. _

_His eyes blinked open and he swore, violently. Sharon didn't blame him. "Lieutenant, take this…"__She reached for the button on the morphine pump and placed it in his hand. Sharon folded his fingers around it and they waited until he seemed to respond. After a moment, they could see his pain easing. His eyes started to clear, although they had the glazed, drugged look that was a result of the morphine and lingering anesthetic. "Better?"_

_He waved a hand at her, but continued to simply stare at both of them. He looked as loopy as they imagined he must feel. "I can't even get shot,"__he croaked, "without the two of you making it a date. If it weren't so damned cute, I'd shoot you both."_

_Deciding that it must be the medication, Sharon decided to ignore that. She pressed her lips together to suppress the smile, although she could feel Andy tremble with barely contained laughter behind her. Her elbow dug into his side. She shot a look at him before she leaned over the Lieutenant again. "Would you like some water?"__She held the cup where he could see it. _

"_Here."__Andy moved around to the other side of the bed when it became apparent he would need help sitting up. "Okay…"__He held him up while Sharon placed the cup to his lips. When he'd had enough, he eased him back again. _

_The Lieutenant sighed. "I am not a damned invalid,"__he scowled at both of them. Now he had one of them on each side of him. He hit the button for the morphine pump again. His head lolled to one side and he sighed. That was better. His eyes began to droop again, and he thought he might doze. Movement had them opening. He watched the Captain set the water back on the table beside his bed. Then she pulled her sweater more tightly around herself and smiled down at him. Provenza sighed again. "You know he's an idiot and doesn't deserve you. He's going to screw it up, and you're going to turn into the evil, horrible witch again. You're going to make everyone miserable,"__he lamented. "Not like when you're being wicked and adorable and making Taylor's life hell. I'm going to have to shoot Flynn for being an ass when that happens."_

_Her jaw clenched. Sharon's body shook with the effort to hold back her laughter. He really was incredibly high at the moment. She doubted that he even knew what he was saying. On the other side of his bed, Andy was almost choking. She shot a look at him and shook her head. They could at least wait until he was coherent to make fun of him for it, that was only polite after all. "Lieutenant,"__Sharon smiled kindly down at him. "I promise, when Andy _screws it up_ as you think that he will, the only person I will take it out on is Taylor. You have my word on that."_

"_Okay."__He let his eyes close. A small smile appeared on his face. "Carry on then."_

Rusty was bent over, laughing as they recounted the story. He almost didn't believe it, but one glance at the scowling Lieutenant changed that. "So now that we have his blessing," Andy drawled. "We figure it's good that everyone else knows about it too…"

"Since Rusty was kind enough to take care of that for us," Sharon pointed out.

"Hey, I said I was sorry," The teenager said. "They thought you were the Lieutenant's girlfriend. It kind of freaked me out a little bit."

"Eeh," Provenza shuddered. "He's not the only one, and I agree, he's forgiven." When they'd told him about that, he more than felt sorry for the kid. He knew exactly what his ex-wives could be like, especially when they were together. "At least Taylor wasn't there. You're going to have to report it now." When Sharon only stared back at him, a serene smile on her face, he rolled his eyes. Provenza groaned. "Of course you did. The _rules_, how could I forget. Do you ever _not_ follow them? Even once."

Sharon arched a brow and looked pointedly at the greasy cheeseburger on his plate. "I do not believe that was recommended in the diet suggested by your physician when you were discharged from the hospital, Lieutenant."

"Food doesn't count." Provenza rolled his eyes at her. "And until you've been married to me, you don't get a say in what I eat. Since that is never going to happen, keep your eyes on Flynn's food and off mine."

"She already has." Andy indicated his veggie burger which was heavy on vegetables, without cheese, light on the mayo and on a toasted whole wheat bun.

"No," Provenza shook a finger at him. "Don't complain to me about it. No one's fault but your own. You wanted to play in the Captain's sandbox, you get to deal with the consequences." He nodded firmly. "Now," he placed his plate with its half eaten hamburger on the table beside the chair. "I'm going to take a nap. Go stare at someone else."

Sharon stood up and began gathering the plates. "Actually, we need to get back to the murder room. I'm leaving Rusty here with my car, and I'm with you?" She glanced at Andy.

"Yeah." He took the plates out of her hand and grabbed his partner's. He carried it all into the kitchen and made quick work of cleaning up. "Rusty, you're in charge. If he gets out of control, just call Liz."

"I have all the numbers, Lieutenant." Rusty smiled where he sat on the sofa. He pulled his laptop out of his bag and opened it. "We'll be alright. Just go." He would be the Provenza sitter during the day while the Lieutenant was at work, or in the evenings if the team got called out to a crime scene. At least until the Lieutenant was okay to be on his own again. His doctors said it would be a slow recovery, they didn't care, they were just glad he was okay.

"We're going." Sharon smoothed out her jacket. "Rusty, do something with those balloons, will you?"

He chuckled. "Yeah, no problem."

It took another ten minutes for them to actually leave. Once the front door was closed and they heard Flynn's car start, Provenza's eyes opened again. He lifted his head and glanced at Rusty. "They actually gone?"

"Yeah." The teenager grinned.

"You got them?" His eyes narrowed slightly.

Rusty dug into his knapsack and pulled out bag of chocolate covered peanuts. He tossed it to the Lieutenant. Candy wasn't on the list of approved snacks either. "She never even saw them."

"Good man!" Provenza popped open the bag and leaned back again. "Now, what kind of cable does that idiot have…" He began flipping through channels. "Let's check out the pay-per-view."


	11. Chapter 11

Try to Love Again - Chapter 11

by Kadi

Rated T

Disclaimer: It isn't my sandbox. I simply visit it from time to time.

* * *

The first day he spent Provenza sitting was not bad, Rusty reflected. The Lieutenant did little more than sleep and watch television. The second day was only slightly more interesting, with the exception of the baseball game that he was forced to watch. Rusty found it endlessly amusing, however, to watch the interaction between the adults as he was dropped off or picked up. No matter what he might have said while under the influence of his pain medication, the Lieutenant remained outwardly disapproving of the relationship between his partner and Captain. He complained, and he groused, but now they simply ignored him.

By the third day, it was becoming apparent that he was feeling better. Rusty had a harder time keeping him amused. He had no interest in chess, the television wasn't holding his attention, and not one single member of the team was willing to provide details on the current case. He was getting restless.

Rusty returned from the kitchen, after having finished cleaning up after lunch to find the Lieutenant shifting unhappily in the recliner. It was the most comfortable place in the house for him to sleep or rest, as it kept his upper body elevated and his incision site wasn't aggravated by the pull of muscles or tissues. He had tried sleeping in Flynn's guest room the first night, but as they'd explained the next morning, that hadn't gone so well. Provenza was now staying in the recliner almost full time, except when he moved to one of the other chairs in an attempt to keep his body moving and loose.

The teenager frowned as he walked back to the sofa where his book and laptop waited for him. "Is there a problem, Lieutenant?"

"I dropped the damned remote." He scowled as he pulled it out and set it on the table beside him. "But there's something else caught in the chair." He grimaced in pain as his body twisted and he reached further down, between the seat and the arm of the chair to get a hold on it. Finally, whatever it was came free. Provenza pulled again and out it came.

Rusty frowned. "What is… oh." His mouth snapped shut and he averted his eyes.

Dangling from his finger was a scrap of red and lace that Provenza was fairly certain did _not_ belong to Flynn. Or perhaps it did. His brows rose as he studied the bra. He blinked a couple of times and then slowly extended it to the table beside him and dropped it. "Huh." He smirked. "Never guessed the old girl had it in her."

"Oh god." Rusty looked everywhere but at that. "Can we just not talk about it? Or how it got there? Or what it was doing in the chair to begin with? And please, no comments on _that_ being why the chair creaks so much…"

"Son of a—" Provenza put the foot of the chair down and rose, just as quickly as his injured body would allow. Which wasn't very fast at all. It hurt like hell to do it, but he got out of the chair and then stared at it, a look of disgust on his face. "You don't think they…"

"I don't want to think about it at all," Rusty groaned.

Provenza nodded. "That makes two of us." He wrapped an arm around his middle and moved over to the arm chair. Suddenly, it was entirely more comfortable. Unfortunately, it put him where he couldn't see the television. "He did this on purpose," the Lieutenant decided.

"Somehow, I doubt that." Rusty reached onto the coffee table for a discarded newspaper. Without looking too closely at the end table, he tossed the paper until it was covering the little surprise that Provenza had found. At least if it was out of sight, Rusty thought he might be able to forget about it. Not that he hadn't seen certain items of clothing before, in all the time that he'd lived with Sharon. They did have to share the laundry room, after all. It was the implication behind it that he found disturbing.

"You don't know Flynn," Provenza groused. His attention shifted to the bookshelf. He wondered if there was anything on it with a crossword puzzle.

"I know Sharon," Rusty pointed out. He looked over and found the Lieutenant reaching toward the bookshelf. "Now what are you doing?" He got up and decided it was probably better if he did the _searching_ this time.

"I'm looking for something to read," he drawled sarcastically.

Rusty sighed. "I don't think Lieutenant Flynn has a lot in the way of actual novels…" He stood beside the bookshelf and reached out, sliding a finger along the spines of the books. There were several True Crime biographies, joined by sports books. There were self help guides, and titles to do with recovery and living with addiction. There were a couple of older novels, and some titles that Rusty recognized, but on the whole, it wasn't the kind of bookshelf he'd like to get lost in.

"What do we have here?" Provenza tugged at a stack of colorfully bound books. He craned his head toward them. There was no writing on the spine or the cover.

"I'm not sure." Rusty pulled one of them out and opened the cover. "Photo albums," He announced, and replaced it.

"Oh ho!" Provenza lit up. He rubbed his hands together gleefully. "The life and times of Lieutenant Andy Flynn. Hand them over!" Perhaps the day wasn't a total loss after all, and there was someway he could get even with his partner. His money was on baby pictures. The embarrassing kind. Oh please, let there be the embarrassing kind, he thought.

"I don't think that's such a good idea." Rusty squinted at him. "We shouldn't be snooping. How about this one?" He pulled down a thick, hardbound book and held it out. "_The Greatest Generation Speaks_. It looks like it's something you'd enjoy."

The Lieutenant's eyes narrowed. "I am not amused." He held out his hand again. "Albums. Now. Come on, Rusty. It isn't _snooping_ if they're out in the open. If he didn't want people looking at them, then they shouldn't be on a very public bookshelf."

"In his very private home," Rusty pointed out. He rolled his eyes and sighed. This wasn't an argument that he was going to win. "Fine, but I'm not part of this when you get busted." He took down the stack of four albums and placed them in the Lieutenant's lap.

"You're in it alright." Provenza pointed at the teenager. "Cop a squat, enjoy the show. This is a once and a lifetime opportunity, Rusty Beck." He opened the first one and began turning the pages. "Wedding pictures." His nose wrinkled in disgust. "Meet Sarah, the ex-wife. Hope the Captain hasn't seen this one!"

Rusty rolled his eyes again, but sat on the ottoman that went with the chair anyway. "You know, I think we already know he was married." Although, he had to admit, the ex-wife was kind of pretty. She was a blond, and looked like she was absolutely nothing like Sharon. Tall, almost willowy, with bright blue eyes. Then they got to the baby pictures, but it was of Flynn's kids.

"Yeah." Provenza closed it. He decided it was boring. He tossed the album to Rusty and opened the next one. "Does he have nothing of himself? You know, before he got married?" All he found in the second album were more pictures of Flynn's kids. His nose wrinkled. Yeah, he'd seen those before. Most of them were copies of what was displayed through the house.

"If he's smart, he's got them hidden," Rusty muttered as the second album was shoved toward him.

"Ah hah! Now we're getting somewhere." They still weren't the pictures he was looking for. But he thought he might find something interesting in this album. It was mostly pictures from parties, special gatherings. There were some of Charlie in a baseball uniform, along with another boy that Provenza didn't recognize. The pictures now were fewer and farther, where the kids were concerned. He figured that was probably about right, about the time that Sarah stopped letting him see the kids so much. "Or not." Provenza scowled. They should have entered the booze days. He would have expected to find at least one embarrassing photo there, but not a one could be found in the album.

"You know," Rusty pointed out. "Maybe you're absolutely right, and these are the albums he doesn't care if anyone looks at. That's why you're not finding anything."

"You're probably right. That's disappointing." Provenza handed him the last two albums and leaned back. "We could check the bedroom…"

Rusty stood up with a sigh. "I am not snooping in Lieutenant Flynn's bedroom for you, and I don't think that you should either. Would you want him snooping in yours?"

"He's not at my house," Provenza pointed out with a smirk. "I'm at his. If he didn't want me snooping, he shouldn't have left me unattended."

"Technically speaking," Rusty lifted the albums to rearrange on the shelf. "You're not exactly _unattended_."

"Right." The Lieutenant wasn't convinced. He waved a hand at the floor when a photo slipped free. "Dropped one."

Rusty bent over and picked it up. He turned it over in his hand and stared. This one hadn't been secured in the album. It was tucked into the back cover he figured, like it had just been shoved there. He frowned as he studied it. It was well worn, like it had been handled a lot. Whatever they expected to find, this wasn't it. Rusty shook his head. "I think we should stop snooping now."

"What is it?" Provenza reached up and snatched it from him before he could put it back in the photo album. He read the back first. "Emily's sweet sixteen…" A frown drew his brows together. He turned the photo over in his hand. The photo was not only of a laughing sixteen year old. Instead, he was faced with his partner, smiling down at the brunette in his arms. She was leaning back against him, her face tipped toward him as they smiled at one other. She had a drink in one hand, and the other was extended toward his head, to tip back the Dodgers ball cap he was wearing. His partner's hand was splayed across her stomach, holding her in place, while the other was looped around the shoulders of a thin, pretty teenage girl.

The photo was obviously candid, but looked as though they had been planning to pose. Emily Raydor was laughing at her mother, who just happened to be the brunette in his partner's arms. There was something oddly painful about it. Perhaps it was how thin the photo was now, as though it had been removed from its hiding place many times over the years. It explained a lot, he supposed, in how Flynn knew both of the Captain's children, and knew them well. Not just the passing acquaintance he might have expected.

"I think you might be right," Provenza said quietly as he held the photo out for Rusty. "It might be a good idea if we stopped now." With a groan, he pushed himself up from the chair, and was grateful for the hand that the teenager placed at his elbow to help him.

Rusty watched him walk back to the recliner before he tucked the photo back into its hiding spot in the album. He returned to the sofa and sat down with a sigh. "Emily said she didn't think they were together before. She said they were friends. Not like they are now."

"No," Provenza agreed quietly. "I guess it wouldn't be." He leaned back in the recliner and closed his eyes. "Rusty, I think maybe it's just time to leave it."

The teenager watched him for a moment, and then he sighed. "You're not mad right? Because, you know, Emily and Ricky and I talked about it when they were here. None of us have ever seen Sharon happy like she is right now, except for them… and that's when Flynn was around before."

"Rusty." Provenza shook his head. "Just leave it. Whatever they want to do, just let them do it." He was giving up. At least, on trying to make them see the error of their ways. Obviously they'd been down this road before, from what he had seen. In his experience, some things were just best left unexplored, not understood, and generally… left alone was the best policy. He was deciding to file Flynn and the Captain in that category. If they screwed it up, so be it. They'd have to clean up the mess afterward. From now on, he just really didn't want to know. He sighed. "I'm not mad," he said, because he knew the teenager was waiting for that. "I'm…" He shook his head. He didn't want to discuss it. He was disappointed. All those years he'd been partners with Flynn, and never once had he mentioned having been involved with the dragon lady? The wicked witch? They'd made fun of her. They'd talked… well, they'd talked about her. It never came up in conversation. There were things he'd said that he might not have if he had known that his partner had once been involved with the woman, and no matter what her kids thought or said, it seemed seriously involved from what he had seen. "I'm going to take a nap," Provenza said. "Probably best the Captain doesn't know that we talked about it."

"Yeah." Rusty slumped down on the sofa with a sigh. "You're probably right." He glanced at him again and shook his head. He was really starting to wonder about the grownups in his life. They seemed to make everything way more complicated than it had to be. He opened his laptop and decided to let it go for the moment. The Lieutenant was right about one thing, Sharon wouldn't like him discussing it. Best to just not even think about it.

Whatever mood the Lieutenant lapsed into before his nap, it was gone after he woke up again. He was actually pretty chipper by the time Sharon and Andy returned later that evening. The way he grinned as they came into the living room made Rusty a little nervous. He had something planned.

That something, as it turned out, was the little item that he'd found stuck in the side or the recliner earlier. Provenza snatched it up from where it had been hidden beneath the newspaper. He let it dangle from one finger before he tossed it to the Captain. "I think I found something of yours. But, on the bright side, the chair is moving a lot better. That little gem was caught down the side here, on the lever. Pesky thing that lace."

Sharon caught it, and then held it in front of her. Her lips pursed and she turned slowly to Flynn. The look on her face was almost entirely indecipherable. Her brow arched as she looked up at him. Then she slapped it against his chest and folded her arms. "Something you'd like to tell me, Lieutenant?"

Her voice had gone like ice, and Rusty paled. His eyes went wide as he watched them. Lieutenant Flynn's eyes had gone wide. His jaw dropped open. He stared back at her as he fumbled to catch the bra that she had all but slapped him with. "Sharon…" He held his hands up, but when he realized it was hanging from his left, he dropped them quickly. "I can explain."

He sounded almost panicked himself, but Sharon wasn't having any part of it. Instead, she turned away from him. "You can save it. Rusty, get your things, we're leaving."

The teenager stared back at them. He shot a look at Lieutenant Provenza and then began to hurriedly push his belongings into his bag. "Okay…"

The Lieutenant's brows furrowed. That was certainly not the response he had expected. His eyes narrowed while he studied them. She had gone completely stiff, back straight as a rod. Oh hell, he thought. Dragon lady was back. "Now look," he began, immediately coming to his partner's defense. "There's really no telling how long that's been lost down there…"

"I really don't want to hear it." Sharon gestured for Rusty to hurry along. "Rusty, now please."

He grabbed his computer and was in the process of pushing it into his bag as he quickly rounded the sofa and walked toward the foyer. He was wisely keeping his mouth shut, but he risked a glance at Lieutenant Flynn and almost winced. This was not good. It was so, decidedly, _not_ good.

"Sharon, dammit." He tossed his hands up, and the bra went with them. It got caught on the coat rack next to him and nearly pulled it over. For just a moment, Andy was tangled in both coat rack and bra as he fought to right one and free the other.

Sharon's lips pursed. Then she looked down and pressed a hand to her face. Her shoulders began to shake. Rusty took a step forward, worried for just a second that she might be _really _upset, to the point that she was actually _crying_. Then he heard her snort. Rusty rolled his eyes. "Seriously!"

Andy managed to get it free and tossed it at her. "Laugh while you can, Lady." But he chuckled along with her.

"At least," she cleared her throat, "we finally found it. It could have been worse."

"You're telling me. Nicole usually curls up there with the boys. Imagine trying to explain that one to a six year old!" Andy shook his head.

"You…" Provenza sputtered at them. He pointed, while his face turned red. "That…." His eyes narrowed. "You are not funny."

"Neither are you," Flynn pointed out. "Ya know, trying to embarrass me is one thing, but leave Sharon out of it, alright?"

"Andy." She took a step forward and ran a hand down his arm. "It's fine. We really should have spent more time looking. It's our own fault. We're very sorry if either of you were embarrassed."

"I'm not." Andy smirked. When Sharon rolled her eyes at him, he grinned crookedly at her.

"You wouldn't be." She smiled indulgently at him and stuffed the little garment in her jacket pocket. "We really do have to go. It's gotten late. How are you feeling, today?" She directed the last at the Lieutenant.

"Like I got shot," Provenza deadpanned. "Then someone ripped out some of my internal organs. How do you _think_ I feel?" He shook his head at her. "What? I'm on vacation? Believe me, I could think of a far more interesting place to go!"

"Yeah," Andy grunted. "So could we." He reached for Sharon and took her hand. "I'll walk you out. You…" He waved a hand at Provenza. "Try not to cause anymore trouble in the next few minutes and maybe I'll feed you."

"Now he thinks I'm a house pet," The lieutenant complained.

Sharon chuckled quietly as they moved to the door. She handed her keys to Rusty so that he could go on ahead. Just inside the door, she turned back to Andy. "Don't be too hard on him. He's not used to being so far removed from everything."

"I'll think about it." Andy slipped an arm around her and drew her against him. "You could stay," he rumbled quietly. "Provenza isn't leaving that recliner, we could order some dinner, put the kid in the guest room. Sharon, it wouldn't be a problem."

"That really is tempting," she lay her hand against his chest. "But I really don't think that I should. Besides, Rusty has been here all day. I'm sure he wouldn't complain, but it wouldn't be fair. I should get him home."

"Yeah." He sighed. "You're probably right." Andy lowered his forehead to hers. "I'll see you in the morning for the guard exchange."

"Hm." She tipped her face up and kissed him, quickly, before stepping away. "You will. Unless something else happens. In which case, I'll just send Rusty over in his car and meet you at work." Which was probably what they should have been doing anyway, but it was an excuse to spend time together. "Good night, Andy."

"Good night." He watched her move through the door and down the walk. Andy didn't close his door until she was inside her car.

Sharon waited until she was in her car before she buried her face in her hands. The reaction was not one that she would have given Provenza the satisfaction of having seen. She as completely mortified. "He found it _in_ the chair!"

In the passenger seat, Rusty slanted a look at her. He grinned. "Yeah." Then he snickered. "You should have seen him trying to get out of it when he realized what it was and who it probably belonged to. I was afraid he was going to bust his stitches or something."

She moaned. "Oh my god."

Rusty fought the urge to giggle outright. Even in the dim lighting from the street lights, he could tell that her face was a bright shade of red. "Sharon, I think it's okay. Just think of it as payback for all the crap he's been giving you lately."

"Oh Rusty…" Sharon shook her head and reached out to start the car. "I really wish that I could, and maybe I will later. Right now…" She was just going to wallow in her embarrassment, and maybe next time, she'd be more careful.

"The look on his face when you two started fighting about it," Rusty pointed out with a grin. "That was genius…"

Inside, the Lieutenant waited until the door closed before he chose to comment on the sickening display. "Oh my god," Provenza groaned. "Could the two of you _be_ anymore sickening?"

Andy rolled his eyes as he walked toward the kitchen. "Oh shut up, or I'll feed you tofu."

"You know," Provenza grumbled after him. "There are rules about how you're supposed to treat people."

"Yeah," Andy yelled back. "It's called elder abuse."

"Or it's called my partner is a pain in the ass," Provenza muttered. He worked himself out of the chair, and that took a few minutes and a considerable amount of pain. Then he shuffled off toward the kitchen. He walked over to the fridge and reached in for a bottle of juice. After he closed it, he slapped something against the front and secured it with a magnet. "You are a complete moron."

Andy was standing at the counter, flipping through a variety of takeout menus. He glanced over and frowned. "Where the hell did you get that?" He walked over and took the photo down. He held it, and for a moment, he was lost in the memory. He could almost feel Sharon's laughing body against him as she admonished him for trying to wear his ball cap for the picture. A smile pulled at his lips. It had been a while since he'd seen this; he couldn't even remember the last time he had it out.

"It fell out of a book. I got bored," He waved off the discussion on exactly where, why, and how it had been found. Provenza had waited until Rusty was distracted and then he had retrieved it without the kid knowing about it. "It doesn't matter," he said, and leaned against the counter for support. "It's really not just a fling, is it?"

Andy chose not to answer, at least not immediately. Instead, he walked back over to the fridge and put the photo back up. He wondered if he had anymore, but didn't think it was likely. It was time to stop hiding them. "No," he said finally. "It's really not. That's what I've been trying to get through your thick head." Andy picked up the takeout menus again. "We're not just screwing around. We're both in this, for however long it lasts, but we'd kind of like it to last for a pretty long time."

Provenza shook his head. He sighed. "You know it's still a bad idea as long as you're working together?"

"Probably," Andy shrugged. "We think we can make it work. It is so far."

"Taylor may try to use it against her," He pointed out, in case they hadn't thought of that.

"He can try." Andy sighed. "As long as we're not stepping over any lines, there isn't a lot he can do. Besides," He rolled his eyes toward his partner. "Don't you think Sharon knows where all of _those_ proverbial bodies are buried? He likes to toss his weight around with her, hell, he does it with everyone. He won't get too far out of line, I think even Taylor knows that if he crosses one, she's got him."

That was fairly sound logic. Provenza was almost surprised he'd thought about it. It certainly hadn't occurred to him, but then he didn't spend a lot of time thinking about what the Captain might, or might not do or be doing. "You know you're going to screw it up at some point? And she's not exactly always the easiest person to get along with."

"Yeah, well neither are you and…" Andy waved a hand at him. "Here you are." He tapped the takeout menus against the counter and sighed. "Look, I'm sure one of us is going to screw something up at some point. It happens. But if every relationship fell apart the first time some idiot pissed off his girlfriend, there would be a hell of a lot more single people in the world."

Provenza scowled at him for a moment, and then he nodded. "Alright." He turned and walked back to the living room to reclaim his place in the recliner. He was going to need a dose of the pain medication after that, but he had been due for it anyway.

Andy looked heavenward and prayed for patience. "Alright _what_?" He asked, and followed his partner back into the other room.

He rolled his eyes at him. Was his partner really that profoundly stupid? Provenza sighed. "Alright, have your girlfriend shift your damned personnel jacket under me, and we'll do what we can to keep you two morons from screwing up your lives, your jobs, and our whole team."

His brows lifted in surprise, while he leaned against the archway that connected the kitchen and living room. "What about that, you almost sound like you care."

Provenza sighed. "Don't push your luck, and for crying out loud, order something to eat will you? I'm starving."

"Yeah alright." Flynn pushed away from the door and walked back into the kitchen. "I'm working on it. Keep your pants on."

"I'm not the one losing my clothes around here," Provenza snorted.

Andy groaned. They were never going to hear the end of that one. Next time, he figured he'd just leave his partner to fend for himself with the ex-wives. Or, actually sweep the house for lost items of clothing the way he had been asked to do before bringing his partner home. Andy resolved that he wouldn't tell Sharon about that, and just maybe, after Provenza passed out later, he'd get right on that. Just in case there was anything else lurking around to be found.


	12. Chapter 12

Try to Love Again - Chapter 12

by Kadi

Rated T

Disclaimer: It isn't my sandbox. I simply visit it from time to time.

* * *

During the course of the eight days that he spent recuperating at his partner's home, there was one thing that Louis Provenza learned. The two of them were _not_ compatible roommates.

It wasn't the first time that he had been in Flynn's home. There had been barbecues, ballgames, and general get togethers. He had even crashed there a time or two when he was too inebriated to drive himself home. There was also that couple of days he'd spent with Flynn that time his house had been a crime scene. This was not a new experience for either of them.

It was, however, the longest experience.

Over the course of those eight days, Provenza discovered something he never expected. Andy Flynn was a neat freak. Now, he wasn't opposed to running a vacuum or even a mop when it was required. He just didn't spend an inordinate amount of time on housecleaning. For the heavy stuff, he had a cleaning lady come in and take care of it, dusting and the like. Not Flynn. No, not his partner. Flynn seemed to actually _like_ it. The man dusted. He vacuumed, he even swept before he mopped. It was completely unnatural!

Provenza would have liked to blame the urge to clean on the fact that his partner now had a woman to keep impressed. Unfortunately, he couldn't. As he'd watched his partner go through his routine on a lazy Thursday afternoon, the team given an extended weekend due to having closed their most recent case with entirely too much overtime, he realized almost immediately that it was just too practiced to be something new.

For the love of all that was right and just in the world, he had actually sorted his laundry by color and type before washing it!

All the while, he had grumbled about the snack wrappers, crumbs, and empty glasses which had piled up in the living room due to his partner's presence.

It was disturbing. Damned disturbing.

Then there were his television habits. The sports they could agree on. Even some of the black and white movies Flynn liked to watch weren't too awful. It was his habit of turning on the History Channel that Provenza just couldn't take. Or good god, CNN.

He would kick back, glasses perched on his nose and feet propped on his coffee table, while he read one of the books he had on living with addiction and listen to the television while he took notes. Took _notes_! Who did that?

The truth was just undeniable. His partner was boring.

Provenza was looking forward to getting back to his own place. With his own slobbish habits, his favorite cable shows, and the trashiest, sleaziest mystery novel that he could find. Or a good crossword puzzle. Yes, that would do the trick. In fact, he was counting down the hours until he was free to return to his own abode. He had a doctor's appointment only a few days away, and was sure that he'd be released to his own recognizance at that point. If not, it was likely that he might just end up shooting his partner.

By the end of those first eight days, Provenza had managed to move from sleeping in the recliner to actually occupying the guest room. Moving from his back to his side was still an issue, the muscles and incision pulled painfully as injured tissues shifted, but he could at least lay on his back comfortably. He was now getting around on his own, more or less. Getting up or down was still difficult, and he tired quickly. Too damned quickly for his liking, but given the alternative, the one where he was dead, he wasn't going to complain. At least, not _too_ loudly.

Although he had to admit, he much preferred Rusty as company if he was going to be forced to have a full time companion during his recuperation phase. By Friday afternoon, Flynn was on his very last nerve. No, they were never going to be compatible roommates.

Provenza wasn't one of those early to bed old guys, but by Friday evening he decided that if he didn't do something he was going to find a club and beat his partner to death with it. Since he couldn't exactly get out and walk around the block, he decided to turn in for the night. The only problem he encountered with that plan was that he wasn't actually tired. Not in the sense of needing to sleep all night. Yes, he was fatigued, he'd been shot for crying out loud! After napping for only a few hours he was wide awake.

He lay in bed for a while, but eventually boredom drove him from it. Provenza tugged his robe on, but left it untied over his favorite t-shirt and flannel pajama pants. He shuffled out of the room and down the hall. The living room was lit by only a single lamp, and further illuminated by the television as an old black and white Hepburn and Tracy movie played. The volume was pitched low, and he could only barely make out the voices of the actors as he moved further into the room. Provenza found his partner in his usual spot on the sofa, feet propped comfortably on the coffee table.

He shook his head as he rounded the sofa to walk toward the recliner. "Do you ever watch—"

"Shh!" Andy warned him quickly. "Keep it down."

He gestured beside him, and Provenza spotted the sleeping form at almost the same moment. Flynn had one of the soft throw pillows lying across his lap, and atop that was their Captain's head. He had a hand stroking slowly through her hair while she lay curled beside him on the sofa. Provenza rolled his eyes and almost gave in to the urge to groan. Instead, he shuffled the rest of the distance to the recliner and lowered himself into it. "When your girlfriend comes over just to crash on your sofa," he hissed, "it might be time to reevaluate your relationship."

Andy rolled his eyes at him. He shook his head, but continued to move his fingers slowly through her hair. She had dozed off almost immediately after laying down to watch the movie, and he didn't have the heart to wake her. He glanced down as he traced the curve of her hairline, and then the line of her ear. "They signed the papers today," he said quietly, careful not to disturb her. "Jack had to be an ass about it."

Rusty had orientation at the university, and had gone out with some old pals from Chess Club that he ran into on campus. Normally she didn't mind being alone, but Jack had said some hurtful things. She didn't want to talk about it. That was the past. Still, when Andy called her earlier, he'd heard it in her voice that something was wrong. That she'd given in so easily when he asked her to come over, told him all he really needed to know.

He tipped his head against the back of the sofa and settled further into the cushions. "We ordered dinner," he told Provenza. "If you're hungry, we put something aside. It's in the oven." His head rolled against the back of the sofa and he gazed at his partner. "Sharon stopped at the little Bistro a couple of blocks from here on her way over."

Provenza nodded quietly. He would check out the food situation in a few minutes. He wasn't in any hurry to move again. "So that's it then," he nodded toward the Captain. "Old Jack is finally out of her hair."

"Yeah." He wound a long, dark lock of hair around his finger. "Bout time, too. Still wasn't easy." Andy shrugged, it was what it was and not really for him to talk about. He knew she wasn't closing the door on her marriage without feeling _something _about it. She had given up a lot for Jack over the years while she waited for him to pull it together and be the man she thought that he was when they married. Then he'd left her, time and again, while always managing to blame his shortcomings on her. She was too rigid, too cold, too hard to get along with. No, Sharon didn't have to tell him what happened in the lawyer's office. He could imagine, quite well, the vitriol that spilled out of Jack's mouth. It wouldn't be the first time.

His partner was practically half asleep himself. Provenza snorted quietly as he pushed himself out of the recliner. Yeah, his partner was boring alright. He had a, somewhat, attractive woman curled up beside him on his sofa, in jeans and an oversized brown sweater that was sliding off one shoulder and he was falling asleep while watching an old movie. "If this is how the two of you spend your Friday nights," he muttered, "I'm almost ashamed to admit that I know you."

Andy cracked his eyes open and glared at him. "What time is that doctor's appointment on Monday?"

Provenza smirked at the irritation sneaking into his tone. "Nine," he replied. "I expect to be settled into _my own_ recliner by noon." He found the covered plate in the oven and pulled it out. He eased the foil back and inspected the contents. There was meat. Maybe he'd forgive them after all. He slipped it into the microwave for a minute, sans the foil, and retrieved a drink while it heated. "I guess you won't mind if I take this in my room," he slanted a lopsided grin at his partner.

"Nope." Flynn had his head tipped back again. "Knock yourself out. I'm trying to have a moment here."

He snorted as he walked back across the living room to the hall. He stopped, just through the door and glanced back. Provenza rolled his eyes and shook his head. He decided to amend his previous thought on the pair. _Pathetic_ love sick fools.

Andy sighed after he left. As much as he liked having his partner around, and alive, he was looking forward to getting his house back. Cohabitation at his age, well, he decided to call it challenging and leave it at that. He was simply too tired to go through all of the little things that were currently driving him crazy. He decided to focus, instead, on the slight weight occupying his lap, and the fact that his leg was beginning to fall asleep. With his own eyes closed and beginning to doze, he found that he really didn't mind it, not when he considered the reason.

He must have fallen asleep. When he woke, the weight in his lap was gone. She was curled against his side, and for a moment he lay there with his eyes closed. Her knees, curled beneath her, were resting against his thigh. An arm was curled around his, fingers looped lazily around his hand while her thumb stroked the inside of his wrist, beneath the gold chain he always wore. The low hum indicated she'd realized he was awake, and the head resting against his shoulder lifted. A grin tugged at his lips. He slanted a look at her and the grin turned to a smirk when he drew her across his lap.

Sharon chuckled quietly and settled against him. With her head tucked now beneath his chin, she returned her attention to flipping through channels with the remote. There wasn't very much on at this hour of the night, but then she wasn't accustomed to channel surfing either, especially this late in the evening. It made for a nice, quiet respite from her usual routine. When his hand curled around hers, in an attempt to retrieve the remote, she held it away from him. Her brow arched, and she glanced up at him. There was a playfully defiant gleam in her eyes. "Yes," she asked at length, drawing out the syllable. She settled on a channel which appeared to be showing a repeat of some daytime soap of some sort that looked to be nauseating to actually watch, and then she continued to hold the remote out of his reach.

"Sharon." His arm curled around her, and as he attempted to pull her forward while reaching with his other hand, he was reminded that while she might _look_ deceptively delicate in the oversized sweater and camisole, she was anything but. "We are not watching that," he warned.

"Hm." She only hummed at him and twisted to keep the small electronic device out of his reach. "I've never understood the attachment of the male species to such a small, insignificant little device."

"I could say the same thing about your attachment to shoes." When she tried to get out of his lap, in an attempt to hold on to said device, he caught her waist and pressed her down onto the sofa. Andy loomed over her, so that she was effectively pinned. "I'm not watching that crap," he said.

His hands were circling her wrists, but she still held the remote. Sharon's lips pursed. "I think you could have a problem, then." His thumb swept the inside of one wrist and she dropped it. They both heard it clatter against the floor... on the other side of the sofa arm. Her teeth tugged at her bottom lip, while her eyes sparkled up at him in the dim light from the lamp. "Oops."

She didn't sound the least bit sorry about it, and Andy had a feeling she really wasn't. "That's a problem," he said. "Now someone is going to have to go and get it."

"Yes." He wasn't moving, however. Sharon drew a denim clad leg along his and curled it around his thigh. "Gosh," she sighed. "I wonder who is going to do that," she simpered. She watched his eyes darken and drew a breath when his head lowered.

His lips skirted along her jaw, and his nose nuzzled teasingly at her cheek. When they reached her ear, she shifted beneath him again with a sigh. Heat curled through her, and she arched her neck, baring it for him. Instead she heard the quiet rumble of his voice.

"You are beautiful. You are loving. You are warm. And he _never_ deserved you."

An ache settled at the back of her throat even while her heart filled, almost painfully, with emotion. She drew another breath, this one shuddered through her. Sharon swallowed hard and blinked rapidly against the sudden moisture that filled her eyes. She hadn't told him what Jack said, only that it hadn't been pleasant, and he had not pressed her. He knew, of course he knew. How could he not, it was the same thing most people said about her. That she was cold, calculating, and even manipulative. Perhaps she had to be, in her professional life, but she expected those she let into her personal space to know better. She expected the man that she married to _more_ than know better. She had known Jack since they were college sophomores, little more than children themselves. Maybe they married too soon, too young. She wanted to think that he loved her. There was a part of her that really didn't know anymore.

Despite all of that, Sharon knew that she didn't have to question that she _was_ loved. He drew back, looking at her and she smiled warmly, if a bit tremulously, up at him. She tugged her hands out of his loose hold and cupped his face. Sharon lifted her lips to his. "Thank you," she whispered, including so much in that simple statement. She knew that she wasn't easy to deal with, with her rules and expectations, and yet he was willing to take a chance on her anyway. Even given their history.

His hands slipped into her hair. He tipped her head back and let his lips brush the top of her chin, and then her nose. "I love you," he told her.

"Yes," she murmured, for which she was exceedingly grateful. Her arms curved around his neck. Their lips met again, and she found a different way to convey the emotions she could not give voice to.

"Good god, get a room!"

The disgusted bellow from his partner interrupted them a moment later. Sharon sighed as Andy lifted his head. "When does he see that doctor again?"

"Not soon enough," Andy muttered. He lifted himself from atop her and pulled her with him as he sat up again. "Need something?"

"Not anymore." Provenza smirked happily as he shuffled toward the kitchen.

The glare that Sharon shot at his back had Andy grinning. "I'll swear it was an accident," he told her.

She hummed thoughtfully and then shook her head. "No." Her brows arched. "I have other ways of dealing with him." She tilted her head at him. "What you _can_ do is take me to bed." She didn't feel like driving across town at this hour, and Rusty knew where she was.

"Done." Andy stood up and drew her with him. He kept her hand clasped in his as they rounded the sofa, stopping only long enough to find the remote and shut the television off. They both ignored the groan that came from the kitchen as they headed down the hall toward his bedroom together.

Continuing what was almost started on the sofa, while his partner was only a bedroom away, was not an option. Wrapping his lover in his arms, once they settled into his bed, was another matter entirely. His old t-shirt was almost entirely too big on her. His arm moved around her waist and drew her close, where she lay with her back to his chest. When his hand slid beneath it, to rest against her stomach, hers covered it. She felt his lips against the back of her head, and let her eyes close. "He seems less upset about this," she remarked quietly, meaning their relationship.

"Yeah." His thumb drew lazy patterns against her skin. "He's never going to exactly _like_ it, but he finally figured out that I'm not giving you up. Case closed."

He sounded so sure, so determined. A small smile curved her lips. "Is that right?"

"That's right," he rumbled against her ear. "Deal with it."

"God I love it when you get bossy," she drawled. His hand danced along her side, making her laugh.

There was a pounding against the wall that separated them from the guest room. "I can hear you! Show some decency."

Andy groaned. He buried his face in her neck. "I swear to god, Sharon. I'm going to-"

"Shh." She stroked his arm. "I'll see if Rusty has plans for tomorrow. Maybe he won't mind staying over. You can go home with me." Sharon nudged him onto his back and rolled, so that she was curled against his chest. "Time off for good behavior."

"I don't feel like being very good at the moment," he grumbled. Andy huffed an annoyed sigh and settled back, one arm around her, and the other tucked behind his head. Her lips brushed his jaw and he sighed again. "I don't suppose it would be very nice to dump him on Liz at this point, would it?"

"No," she said quietly. "Probably not." Sharon leaned up on her elbow and settled her head in her hand. She smiled down at him. "You wouldn't ditch him anyway, and you know it."

He stared blandly back at her. "Don't tempt me." When she simply arched a brow and continued to stare at him, he rolled his eyes. "Fine. I wouldn't ditch the cantankerous old son of a-"

"Hmm." She leaned down to kiss him. "It's only a couple more days," she reminded him. "It will be okay." Sharon lay back down with her head against his shoulder. "Just ignore him like you do at work," she drawled, "it'll be fine. If you stop responding, he'll stop trying to provoke you." Honestly, they could be like such children at times. There were times when she didn't know whether to laugh at them, ground them, send them to separate corners or all three!

Andy grunted at that, but made no comment. Instead, he thought of something else his partner said recently. Something they really hadn't had opportunity to discuss yet. Between the most recent case, Provenza's injury and being shorthanded, that evening had provided the first quiet moments they'd had alone together. "He thinks Taylor might be an issue. That he might try to use me against you."

"Let him." She sounded unconcerned. She draped an arm across his middle and curled her leg around one of his. "He may try, but he won't get very far. If it becomes an issue, I'll handle it." She paused for a moment, and then added in a softer, thicker voice. "I'm not giving you up either."

It was as close to a commitment as either of them could make at this juncture in their lives, and this soon in a relationship that they were content to allow to develop on its own. His hand slid down her back to her hip. "So then... we'll just ignore them both and carry on."

"Yes." She tipped her head back and smiled up at him. "Exactly."

"I love it when you're all decisive," he rumbled.

Sharon snorted. She rolled her eyes at him and settled against him again. "Go to sleep, Andy."

"Yes Captain. Whatever you say, Captain. I live to ser—oh!" She poked his side, and in response he rolled her beneath him and began attacking hers. This time, they ignored the pounding on the wall when her high-pitched laughter filtered through it.


	13. Chapter 13

Try to Love Again - Chapter 13

by Kadi

Rated T

Disclaimer: It isn't my sandbox. I simply visit it from time to time.

* * *

The aroma of freshly brewed coffee filled the small bungalow. Provenza left the guest room just after sunrise and made his way toward the kitchen, following the smell. He expected to find his partner, instead, he found his partner's _girlfriend_. Provenza rolled his eyes, but shuffled into the kitchen anyway, glad that he'd at least dressed before leaving his room this time. She was standing in front of the kitchen sink, a thoughtful expression on her face as she gazed through the window above it, all the while stirring the contents in a large mixing bowl. Dressed in an old, faded blue, men's Dodgers t-shirt and a pair of sweats that so obviously _did not_ belong to his partner, with her hair half pinned back, she looked… almost cute. She also looked a little too comfortable in his partner's kitchen. It made him wonder just how long this _relationship _had been going on if they had moved beyond that awkward preliminary phase to seeming completely at home in one another's residences.

It reminded him of that old photograph that he and Rusty had found. The one that was still on proud display in Flynn's kitchen. He wondered if it was less new relationship and more falling into old routines. He knew what his partner told him about it the other night, when he finally broke down and asked. It seemed to mirror, almost, what Sharon's kids told Rusty. They weren't _together_ back then. Not in the way that most people would expect. Headed that way, but cut-off at the pass before they could take that final turn. The one they were taking now.

Provenza's nose wrinkled in something which was approaching disgust. Those were really not things that he wanted to be thinking about. He made his way to the coffee pot and pulled down one of the mugs on the shelf over it. He filled it and drank deeply before finally rolling his eyes at the woman, who appeared more than happy to ignore his presence. "If that's an attempt at breakfast," he grumbled, "good luck. There's not a decent thing to eat in this entire house. Flynn wouldn't know how to grocery shop if I drew him a diagram and marked everything on it in color coordinated X's."

Sharon drew her gaze slowly away from the window and toward her grouchy second in command. Her head tilted while she turned, choosing to lean back against the counter as she continued to stir. "I suppose that's one opinion," she stated pleasantly. "I, on the other hand, think that he could make healthier choices." A smirk curved her mouth as she moved forward to the stove and took something down from the spice rack beside it. She tapped two dashes of cinnamon into the bowl and began to stir again.

"Yeah," Provenza snorted. "More meat for one thing." It was one of the many things which had driven him crazy over the past week. Flynn and his eating habits. Sure, they all knew that he was a vegetarian, and why he'd made the switch several years before. The thing was, ever since his little heart scare, the man had gone almost nuts over the health food. There were some items he had not given up, but Provenza was damned tired of the egg whites, the whole grain wheat toast, the steamed vegetables, and salt substitute. How the hell did one substitute for _salt_? It was inhuman. The man needed an intervention, but as he watched his Captain move around his partner's kitchen, he doubted he was going to get any help from that corner. With his luck, it was probably all her idea.

"I wouldn't argue with that." Sharon slanted a look at him. "A little red meat or poultry wouldn't hurt him. The trick will be convincing _him_ of that. I have gotten him to eat fish," she stated. "The poor thing whined the whole time, but he ate it." She shrugged. "It's his choice, though, and I respect it. Still…" She walked over to the freezer and began sorting through it. A triumphant smile graced her lips when she came away with a package of turkey bacon. "He doesn't make the rest of us do without."

"Of course not," he snorted. "Big shock there, Captain gets whatever she wants. The _rules_ according to Flynn." Provenza lifted the coffee carafe and topped off his cup before moving across the kitchen to take a seat at the small butcher block breakfast table in the corner.

She hummed quietly as she set the bacon to thawing in the microwave and made her way back to the waffle batter that she was carefully mixing. With any luck, Andy wouldn't suspect that it was the quinoa until she told him. She glanced at the man at the table and sighed. She was trying here. It wasn't exactly comfortable for her, to wake up in her lover's home and try to be what they normally were for each other while he had a house guest that was less than pleased with the arrangement. Her first instinct had been to leave, to flee, to return to her condo and call Andy later. Instincts didn't always reflect _wants_ and she hadn't _wanted_ to leave. Sharon shook her head. She chewed on the corner of her lip for just a moment before she gave in to the awkward and unsettling feelings that his disapproval provoked. "Am I really so horrible?" She asked.

She had a way of making you feel about two inches tall. It was a glance, the inflection of her voice. It didn't seem to matter whether she was reaming you a new one, or wearing the slightly wounded expression that she wore now. The woman had a talent for it. It only made him glare at her. Provenza sniffed. "I don't care how short you are in your bare feet," he gestured at her with his coffee cup. "You are still Darth Raydor. I'm never going to understand what he see's in you. I don't really care. Who knows what or why anyone sees anything in someone else. I'm not saying that you're horrible," he added, when she looked away and he rolled his eyes again. "The two of you couldn't be more different and you know it. He's going to screw it up. He's going to piss you off, and you're going to make his life hell for it. It's just the way that it is."

Sharon drew a breath. She continued to stare at the batter in the bowl, simply because she didn't want to look at him. It wasn't a discussion that she wanted to have. They were delving too far into the personal for her liking, but she supposed that he deserved to have his say. It was a difficult situation. His boss was dating his friend. Sharon decided it couldn't be easy on either of them. "I frustrate the hell out of him," She pointed out. "I'm not without my flaws too. We aren't expecting any of this to be easy. You can't have a relationship in a vacuum. It takes two to _screw up_ a relationship, Lieutenant."

"It does." He agreed. That was something that five divorces had taught him. "Thing is, it's already hard enough to have a relationship without tossing everything else in." Provenza sighed and leaned against the table to prop up his injured side when it began to ache. "Look, I'm not necessarily saying that it has anything to do with _you_ or with _him_, and who you are. The job is hard enough as it is, relationships are already screwed up no matter _who_ you are. Putting the two of them together?" He shook his head. "That's the insanity of it. That's why it never works. We deal with crap all day long, why take it home with us?"

Her lips pursed while she thought about that. He did have a valid point, one that both she and Andy had considered very carefully and discussed at length before making the decision to pursue a relationship that went beyond the friendly or professional. His question deserved more than a canned response, however. Sharon thought through it again, now that they were in the relationship and had encountered that very thing.

"There was a time," She finally said, "when I fought very hard to keep my personal life separate from my professional. Work was work, and I left it there. My kids needed that. They needed _me_. As they got older and left home, it was just habit. Then, slowly, I began taking my work home with me, but a separation remained. Since Rusty came into my life..." She smiled a bit ruefully. "Well, it's gone out the window completely. He was my work, at least in the beginning. Then as he became something more, he was still so tied to our work that it was impossible to separate my child _from_ my work. Maybe I've overcompensated with him a bit..." She tilted her head as that thought occurred, and not for the first time. She had provided some leniencies, certain privileges and advantages she hadn't given her own children at that age, just to try and make up for the shortcomings of not being able to insulate him from her job. But then, Rusty was so very different, and so was that situation. There were times when he needed her to be more The Captain than the mother. Sharon shook her head, this conversation was not about Rusty. "I could tell you that we don't bring it home, but I'd be lying. You would know that I'm lying." She chuckled. "It has been a learning process. It still is. I find it interesting, though, that your concern is our bringing our work home and the issues that might arise there. Whereas my concern has primarily been bringing our personal life into the Murder Room." Her breakfast preparations were forgotten for the moment, as she folded her arms over her chest.

He snorted at her. "Of course it is. If the two of you breakup, it's going to implode for all of us. You know it, I know it. We've seen it happen. How many of those issues have you had to deal with over the years from a PSB perspective?"

She hummed quietly in response. Yes, he was right about that. Her hope was that they were mature enough to avoid that, but mostly, she wanted to believe that they wouldn't drift apart at all. It was unrealistic to think otherwise, how often did one enter a relationship believing that it would _last forever_ only to have it end all too soon? Sharon looked down. She traced a line in the tile with her toe and, not for the first time, considered an idea which had occurred as a last resort. She drew a breath and exhaled slowly. It was not a thought which had been voiced yet, at least, not outside of Chief Taylor's office. "Would it help if I transferred back to FID?"

For a moment, he was completely stunned by it. His eyes widened, and Provenza wasn't sure that she'd really asked that. His brows drew together in a scowl, although not his typical annoyed expression. "What?"

Sharon moved to the coffee maker and refilled her own mug. She held it cupped in her hands, let the heat warm them. "Now that Major Crimes has moved beyond the stigma of the Federal Law Suit and it's no longer being associated so closely with the Johnson Rule, I'm not exactly _needed_ there anymore." She shrugged a single shoulder and smiled, just a bit crookedly. "It was my reputation as a _hall monitor_ that they wanted, more than my superior administrative skills. Our superiors are more than happy to keep me where I am, but it has been agreed that, it wouldn't be a hardship if I _choose_ to return."

Provenza continued to stare at her. "Have you lost your damned mind?" He pointed his finger at her. "You'd go scurrying back to the rat squad for _Flynn_?" His nose wrinkled and he took on a look of abject disgust. "Oh my god." He had to push himself up, because he just couldn't sit still having heard that bit of insanity. "I thought he had it bad. For about three seconds I had a little bit of hope that one of you had some sense in this relationship, and obviously I was wrong to think that it was _you_." He shook his finger at her. "Now, you listen to me. We have not spent all this time, and all this effort, teaching you how to be a decent detective just to waste it all on FID. Not to mention the hell we'd be facing with having to break in a replacement, especially one of Taylor's choosing. I don't want it, that's for damned sure. The paperwork..." He almost shuddered at the thought. He spent a good deal of time paying attention to _how_ she did her job, after she joined them, looking for possible ways of getting it back and the one thing he realized was that there was an ungodly amount of paperwork that went along with it. He did enough of that now, thank you very much. "I mean, have you actually read Sykes's reports? She could give Tao a run in the length department, and _boring_. Flynn's are fine, he doesn't actually care if he puts sentences together most days, and Julio... don't get me started on Julio." Provenza shook his finger at her again. "I'll not have it. I'm telling you right now."

"Hm." Sharon was staring at her feet again. She glanced up at him through her lashes, a smile playing at her lips. She hadn't expected the ache at the back of her throat to be so prevalent. Of all the people she thought might protest the idea of her transfer, he was the last she thought might actually care.

He read her expression correctly and rolled his eyes. "Oh, don't go thinking this means that I actually _like_ you. I'm just not willing to break in a new ranking officer. Better the Darth-Devil that I know."

"I see," Sharon said thickly. "It was only a thought." She cleared her throat. "I just wanted someone else's opinion of it. Someone that was a little more... objective."

"Yeah, whatever." Provenza sniffed at her. "It was stupid, and I'm not afraid to say as much." Although, he supposed that spoke of how committed she was to this thing with Flynn. Even if he thought maybe she needed to _be_ committed for considering a move back to the Internal Affairs Hell Hole that they had inherited her from.

He studied her for a moment. The woman didn't do anything that she didn't _want_ to do. If she was standing here, speaking to him like this, then it was because she somehow thought that it was relevant. So was the admission of this little idea of hers. It wasn't accidental. Say what they would about the woman. She was willful, stubborn, annoying on a good day with her adherence and knowledge of _the rules_. She was also deliberate in each and every thing that she did. Moments of spontaneity seemed relegated to her personal life, her children, and so forth. He didn't know that he would classify this as exactly personal, and even if it was, he sure as hell wasn't her ex-husband or one of her children. She was pressing forward because she felt that it was necessary, bridging a gap that she felt they needed to have closed. It made him sigh. He considered, again, the photo that remained on display on the front of the refrigerator.

"Perhaps," Provenza began slowly, "instead of spending too much time worrying about what hasn't happened _yet_," he wasn't about to relax his concerns on _that_. "We should simply take one day at a time and approach the issues as they present themselves."

Sharon smiled, because that was more or less exactly what she and Andy had agreed to do when they started seeing one another. "I think I could agree to that." She shifted her weight from one foot to the other while her head tilted thoughtfully. "Perhaps, too, we could agree to... attempt to get along a little better. For Andy's sake." She shrugged. "He shouldn't have to choose."

There was a vulnerability there, only visible for a second and then quickly hidden away again. It wasn't something that he expected to see, but then this morning wasn't turning out anything like what he might have expected. Provenza's eyes narrowed for just a moment, then he looked away. He walked to the coffee pot and topped his cup off again, more for something to do while his mind turned over the events of the morning and their current discussion. He only recognized it for what it was because he'd seen it before, with Rusty. Yes, they were definitely dealing with _feelings_ here. She was vested, that was made abundantly clear by the fact that she had started to consider alternatives. It was all giving him a headache. Damn them and their foolishly romantic hearts! Didn't they understand that they were, all of them, too old for this? Despite what some might think, however, he wasn't heartless. What some might call cynical, he liked to call realistic.

Provenza sighed. "I haven't asked him to choose anything," he stated, "except a good mental health professional." He slanted a look at her, and then he ran a hand over his face. "I think..." He said slowly, carefully, "that we both know who he would choose if it came down to that." He paused, then he added with a small smile. "It wouldn't be me." He tapped the photo as he walked past the fridge. He shuffled back to the table and reclaimed his seat. "I'll play nice if you do."

Her eyes narrowed. He had that tone. It meant he was about to deal. He might have protested the idea, very loudly, in the beginning, but he'd come to find some appreciation in the deals that they made weekly. He didn't always agree with it, none of them did, but it had its advantages. Sharon could see the wheels in his head turning. "I'm willing to negotiate," she said at length. She stood away from the counter, back straight, but arms still crossed in front of her. "What do you have in mind, Lieutenant."

"A custody arrangement." Provenza smirked at her. "You can have him every other weekend and all major holidays."

Sharon blinked. Then she saw the sparkle in his eyes and she snorted a quick laugh. "How about, instead, I won't interfere with any plans that the pair of you make, unless they directly conflict with plans that Andy and I have already confirmed. In which case, he and I will work it out, and you'll be left out of any possible disagreements."

"Done!" Provenza slapped his hand on the table. "That includes poker night, ball games, and any instances where he may join myself or the guys at any location which may not meet your immediate approval."

She hummed. "Why don't we further agree that I trust him, completely, and while I am certainly open to discussing those experiences with him... whatever you do on your time is up to you, and I will not place myself in a position to halt, alter, or in anyway influence those occasions." She held up a hand before he could respond. "Unless it interferes with your work." Sharon gave him a pointed look because their shenanigans were both epic and legendary.

"Yes okay," Provenza found that he could not immediately disagree with the latter. He nodded. "Deal."

"Excellent." Sharon strode to the microwave to retrieve the bacon and returned her attention to the breakfast preparations. She decided to let the matter close on that note and let herself get busy cooking again. She had left Andy sleeping in his bed, but heard his door when it opened a few minutes later. It was almost second nature for her to move from the coffee maker and pour a cup into his usual mug. She held it out for him when he stepped into the kitchen.

"Hey." His eyes narrowed speculatively, but Andy ignored his partner. If it hadn't been for her purse, still on his dresser, he'd have expected her to already be gone. It was something he would have understood. Normally, he would have taken the coffee with one hand, and wrapped his other arm around her. This morning, however, he simply let his fingers linger against hers as he moved past her and accepted the cup. Andy found a spot to lean against the counter where he could watch both of them. He looked between them for a moment and then arched a brow at her. "Morning," he stated, but it ended up sounding more like a question.

Sharon smiled at him. "Good morning." She gazed back, until she saw him relax and then turned her attention back to the stove.

"Eegh, god." Provenza stood up. "I'm getting out of here before you ruin my appetite." He took his coffee with him and strolled toward the living room and the recliner. It was early for sports highlights, but he'd find something to watch that was both more interesting and less nauseating. He could also tell when he was the third wheel and would never let it be said that he couldn't take the hint.

Andy arched his brow again as his partner left. A crooked smile tugged at his lips. "Okay?" She seemed to be, and he was ready to accept that, but it wouldn't hurt to ask.

"Yes." She glanced at him and smiled. "Everything is fine."

He grunted, not sure that he believed that. She'd tell him when she was ready to, or not. He wasn't getting in the middle of her and Provenza, not unless it was needed. They had their own odd little relationship and Andy had learned almost from the start, after she joined Major Crimes, it was better to stay out of it. If Sharon needed him to step in, she would ask. Thing was, she wouldn't ask, and that was because she was more than capable of handling anything his partner could dish out. If he told him to knock it off, well, that would be between them. She did seem to be in a particularly good mood, if a bit of an awkward one. Andy wrapped a hand around her arm and tugged her toward him. When she came, willingly, his grin widened. He set his cup on the counter beside him and slid an arm around her waist. He dropped a kiss to her mouth. "Now it's good," he said.

She hummed. "I see." She kissed him back, quickly, and then wriggled away from him. "If I burn breakfast when it's just the two of us, that's one thing. If I do it while your partner is here, he'll never let me hear the end of it."

Andy snorted as he lifted his cup again. That was the truth. "This is me, hands off." Just to prove it, he walked across the kitchen and took plates down from a cupboard to set the table. He glanced back and took a moment to marvel that she was so comfortable in his home, even with his partner there, that she could move around in her sweats and bare feet with her hair pulled back and very little makeup to speak of. To him, she was always beautiful, but that wasn't the direction that his thoughts took. He found it both amusing and heartwarming that she would be that at ease here, especially with their guest, and thought that... just maybe, they weren't so foolishly lovesick after all. Just maybe... this time, everything would work out in the end.

It wouldn't always be easy, or smooth sailing. The month that followed was evidence of that. Provenza returned to his home on the following Monday, as expected. His recovery was still a slow and careful process. His age had effected that, although they were all loathe to admit or to comment on it. He would need to be careful, no matter his age, now that he was without his spleen. He'd be far more prone to infection now than he ever had been before.

Sharon had a fight on her hands at work, Taylor was ready to force him into retirement, but thanks to Andy she knew of his agreement with Pope, that he would remain on the job until he died with a stapler in his hand. It was one of the few times she was willing to allow something that Andy told her personally to come into play professionally. She fought to keep her second in command. There was nothing at all indicated in the reports from his physicians that he would not be able to return to work in his previous capacity, when at last he was released to do so. They were anticipating that he would be back at the end of an eight week recovery period.

He _would_ be back. Sharon had seen to that. Something that they chose to celebrate the weekend before his return. Sharon had finally received the final decision on his return, once the paperwork was returned by his doctors. He still had to sit down with mental health, but that would happen _after_ his return, and he'd been through that enough times that it wasn't going to be an issue.

To celebrate, Sharon invited the team to a restaurant downtown. The Italian hotspot was a favorite of hers, and difficult to get reservations for. She used her contacts through Gavin to get them a spot. The team, plus Rusty, was occupying a large corner table.

When Sharon and Amy excused themselves to go to the ladies room after their drinks and meals were ordered, Provenza elbowed his partner. The others were engaged in their own conversations, and not paying attention. "You're being obvious."

Andy rolled his eyes at his friend's smirk. "Lieutenant Flynn is not currently available, leave a message after the, _I don't care_." He leaned back in his seat and let his arm drape casually, almost lazily, over the back of Sharon's empty chair. "Vacation is over, now your lazy ass can get back to work. You bum."

Provenza snorted. "Oh yeah, it's been a real treat."

His partner chuckled at the dry tone. "Just in time too." His dark eyes sparkled deviously. "Emily called last night. She'll be flying in for a visit this weekend. Looks like she's bringing a _friend_." Andy smirked. "Turns out, she's been dating this guy since college." He gestured with his hand as he spoke. "He's an Ad Exec in New York, but they met at USC. Now, Rusty tells me, which he got from Ricky, that this kid has been asking Emily to marry him for about the last five years and she has been putting him off. Sharon's met him, and this won't be his first visit. His family lives up in Napa. Anyway, so, he usually only does the holiday thing with her. But they're making this trip specifically... I think there's an announcement headed her way, but Sharon isn't ready to go there yet. Emily is still her baby, even if she is twenty-eight, and the oldest."

"Eeh gads," Provenza shook his head, but laughed. "Are we looking at protective Momma Bear mode, or the neurotic one?" Both of which they had encountered, in one form or another, over Rusty. One was damned frightening, but the other was endlessly amusing.

"Neurotic." Andy grinned crookedly. "It's already started pal. So welcome back. Really." He shook his head. "We're getting together at this place out in Malibu Saturday night. Jack is going to be there." He flashed a pointed look at his partner. It was why he expected there to be an announcement. She wanted both her parents present for the dinner.

Provenza snorted, almost gleefully. "I can't wait." Giving the Captain a hard time over her neuroticism was always a good time. "You okay with that?" He asked, a bit more seriously, the question directed toward the subject of the family dinner with the _ex-husband_. It had only been a few weeks since they signed the papers. The divorce wasn't final yet, but would be in another month or two. It was only a formality at this point.

Andy shrugged a shoulder. He reached for his water glass and twisted it. "It's going to be interesting, I think." He slanted a darker, hooded look at his partner. He kept his tone down and made sure the others were still engaged in their own conversations before continuing. "Emily wants me there. I think it might be too soon for that. You know, him, her, me, and the kids. Sharon hasn't asked. She won't. I think I'll go, you know, in case she needs a buffer."

"How kind." Provenza said drily.

"Yeah." It wasn't entirely altruistic on his part, but Andy wasn't going to pretend that it was either. "I gotta say," he added. "Makes me want to call Nicole and apologize."

Provenza didn't immediately understand why. He shook his head. "What for? What does your daughter have to do with it."

"I didn't get it," Andy said. "When she wanted her stepfather and me to both walk her down the aisle. I think I'm starting to get it now."

"Oh." He nodded slowly. That made sense. His partner could be pretty dense sometimes. Provenza smirked at him again. "Congratulations. It's a girl. And a boy. _And_ a Rusty."

Andy rolled his eyes. "Yeah, thanks. I can't begin to tell you what that means to me." He removed his arm from her chair when he spotted Sharon and Amy, striding back toward the table. He stood when they reached them, and held her chair as she slid back into it. After she was settled and he was seated again, Andy stretched his arm across the back of her chair again. His fingers toyed with the ends of her hair. When she didn't pull away, but instead leaned toward him, he decided to keep it where it was. At least until their meals came. This was an unofficial gathering after all. As he'd told Provenza, the Lieutenant was no where to be found. That meant the Captain was also absent.

Dinner progressed, and the occasion remained light hearted. There was laughter all around, including the jokes about just how much work they'd all managed to save for the returning Lieutenant. Near the end of dinner, Andy excused himself. He was surprised to find his return to the table blocked by an all too familiar form.

Jack Raydor had spotted his ex-wife as she made her way across the restaurant earlier. His eyes had tracked her progress to the table. He was there with clients, but his attention was focused on the goings on at the table in the corner. As the evening wore on, he watched the smiling, laughing woman that she became, and the casual intimacy she shared with the man beside her. He also knew that his daughter expected that same man to join them for a _family _gathering over the weekend. He wasn't happy about it, but he'd been instructed to be on his best behavior.

"Enjoying yourself," he asked, after halting the Lieutenant's return to the table.

Andy sighed. He tensed immediately and began to prepare for the argument that could quickly escalate from this meeting. "Jack." His hands moved into his pockets, he was hoping that would help prevent him from decking the man, as he was sure he'd be tempted to do soon. "As a matter of fact, I am. We're celebrating."

"Yeah, I heard." Jack continued to scrutinize the other man. "Guess it's official. Nothing is ever going to take that cranky old SOB down."

He couldn't argue with that, but Andy took exception to it on his partner's behalf. His eyes narrowed. "No," he said blandly. "I suppose not. Something I can help you with?"

Jack rocked back on his heels. Right to it then. Alright, he could handle that. "Looks like you won," he dropped the false levity in his tone. His lip curled. "She never looked at me like that. Makes me wonder how long this was going on."

Andy took a step forward. He easily towered over the other man. "I wouldn't go there," he warned quietly. Again, his hands itched to clench into fists. He kept them in his pockets. "You know better. On both counts." His dark eyes flashed with irritation. "The thing is, she did, Jack. Right up until the moment you left her, the second or third time." Who could really keep count, he certainly couldn't. "You were selfish and too busy taking her for granted to notice." Andy stepped around him, because this conversation was beneath both of them, and more than that, it was beneath Sharon. He stopped when they were shoulder to shoulder. His voice rumbled quietly, darkly. "It was never about winning, Jack. She's not a prize. I'm sorry you couldn't see that. It's about making her happy, and that's all I care about. So yeah, maybe I did win. Not in the way you're insinuating."

His temper was a beast of it's own, however. Andy walked away, before he lost control of it. When he spotted Sharon again, leaning across his chair and laughing at some story his partner was telling her, he relaxed. It was almost instant, the way the tension rolled out of him and a lighter, peaceful mood settled into place again. He could almost pretend he hadn't seen Jack at all. That might be best. At least for now. Later, when they were alone, and when he was holding her, he'd tell Sharon about the run-in. For now, Jack was hardly a footnote for them.

When he reached the table, and she looked up at him, eyes softening, Andy decided he was right. He had won. Not Sharon, not in that way. It was a chance. For both of them. That was the prize, and worth a hell of a lot more than anything her ex-husband might use to cheapen it with. It was something he'd hold onto with both hands. The opportunity to love again.

_~FIN_


End file.
